Let me rephrase that. You might not be perfect and your situation tough and feels that way as well. Yet despite it all you're fighting the fight and walking the walk. In my eyes that's called doing awesome.

As far as davening to Hashem is concerned I didn't quite follow why you would sound like a fool? You could always ask Hashem to help you figure out what you need in the first place. 

It's a little touchy but have you tried getting your wife to therapy for anger? Or shalom bayis? It might  be worth swallowing the difficulties of doing so for the potential end result. This is all assuming that you could get your wife on board. If you have a hard time with that you could try going to therapy/shalom bayis counselling on your own and then try to pull your wife in to join at some point. In any case you could definitely ask Hashem to help you deal with her anger (perhaps that's something to ask for without sounding foolish).

Regardless, may Hashem help you in all your struggles and make the road in front of you less bumpy

I don't remember the exact words, but there is a Tefilah that we say on Yom Kippur that starts off מרובים צרכי עמך, and goes on to say that we have many needs, and don't know how to express them properly. Yet, we ask Hashem to grant those needs anyway.
We also say at the end of the Tefilah on Shabos Mevarchim, וימלא כל משאלות לבנו לטובה,  meaning, we ask for lots of things. Some of the things that we ask for are not necessarily good for us. We ask Hashem to fill our requests in a way that will be good for us. 
Ask for what YOU NEED. Hashem is listening. If I am in a bad situation, and nothing seems to be going right, I simply say something like, I am in a tough situation right now. I don't know if I can handle...and....(fill in as needed), please give me the strength to deal with it! Please carry me through this rough time!

Hashem is always listening, and every tefilah is lovingly accepted. We may not always get what we want, but Hashem is always listening.
People often think small when they daven. An example: A family is struggling to pay their monthly bills on time. Rent/mortgage, utility bills, food for their growing family, new clothes every few months for their growing children. They also live in a cramped, tiny apartment. The father davens to Hashem every day, asking to get enough money to pay all the bills, and to keep his children fed and clothed. He is stuck in a dead end job, with little hope for advancement, and sees no way how he can realistically get bigger living quarters. He davens for money to feed and clothe everyone, and it doesn't even occur to him to ask for a bigger house. He knows there is no way for him to afford it. BUT, is it too hard for Hashem? Is providing a larger house hard for HIM? No, but people focus on one or two solutions to their problems, and tend to forget that Hashem has unlimited ways to give us things. He thinks that with his earning prospects, he is lucky if everyone has pants with no holes in the knees, and forget about a bigger house. But he forgets that Hashem is not limited by a person's low paying job!
Ask for what you need, even for what you think you need. If you can't articulate it, simply ask Hashem to carry you through this difficult period. You are talking to the ALMIGHTY, think big when you daven!

I read something interesting in a book called Crossing the Rubicon, by Michael Ruppert (with a lot of help.) Michael was a law enforcement guy who a government agency tried to recruit to work in one of their drug-for-guns schemes. He refused. My contention is that he refused because he was in AA. I think drugs were something he couldn't be involved in. He was very well qualified to work in a clandestine service, but because of AA he ended up analyzing and reporting on government agencies, like a kind of independent intelligence service.

There is a tape where he says "you walk towards your fear, you don't try to hedge it." I thought this was typical AA stuff.

Yesterday I saw a little nugget in his book. In the preface, Catherine Austin Fitts says that she met Mike when she was being harassed by some covert assets for stumbling into some really ugly government stuff. She spoke to Mike over the phone. He said "if they shoot at you from the building across the street remember to run towards the gunfire, not away from it."

I thought it was just delicious. I don't know how many of Mike's readers would get the joke.

Taking care of kids all day long is pretty dull but it's still better than sitting on my couch in my old apartment doing p*** and waiting for the next day to start.

Day 38

MZL, you are a hero!

Hashem Help Me wrote on 16 Jul 2018 19:07:

I think you are overestimating me, but I'm glad someone is!

Day 39

Today I asked my wife to find something for me to do to make her life easier. She looks happier. It's worth doing almost anything to make it so she's not miserable.

Video games and other activities that require full concentration and fast responses can be used as a permanent solution to the problem of triggers. But these intense activities are only necessary initially.

I had to eat my own dog food this morning because my wife decided to put lipstick on. Man she looked good. The feeling only subsided after several frustrating races with a Mustang GT500. That thing is really hard to keep on the road.

I was terrified. I knew intellectually the video game would work. But I felt 110% positive there was no hope. I could feel like a movement down there between my legs. Now it's gone. When I think about the lipstick now I feel like it's manageable.

Day 40

I have been working hard to work my office job and also take some of the burden of the kids off my wife's shoulders. As a result today she was all smiles while last week she was basically raging at me.

Unfortunately after all these years I must acknowledge that my wife doesn't see herself as a home maker. She really wants me to work my office job and then handle supper, etc, whenever I am home. If I don't she starts feeling resentful that I am the man and she's the woman.

She's also very fragile so the best thing to do is probably to deal with it as long as I have the energy. One thing I learned is that in real life there are no rules.

mzl wrote on 18 Jul 2018 02:32:

FakeNews
Ask my therapist ;-)

Markz wrote on 18 Jul 2018 03:07:

Markz I think you are calling me a liar or a fool. Am I getting that right?

If you are then could you spell it out a little more?

If I am NOT calling you any of those names, do you not want me to spell it out?

You are a funny guy...

I had hit the quote button and was simply replying to your last sentence "One thing I learned is that in real life there are no rules"

You were complaining that you don't like to act like a housewife on some matters.

Firstly, many husbands help out.

Secondly some husbands would like to, yet don't have opportunity to pitch in much, if for example they have to be away from home from shabbos to shabbos, for work purposes.

Thirdly and most importantly - how does the communication with your wife about these matters go?

Does she comisserate to your concerns, or do you mention it on occasion, and mostly you bottle it up, bite your lip, cos you worry about her anger?

I was / am in that boat, and having a Therapist makes a big difference ;-)

Ok, so now you understand what I meant when I wrote that.
Thanks for [not] asking

mzl wrote on 18 Jul 2018 00:59:

Impressive! Its brought down that 40 symbolizes change, I'm jealous! BH I'll be there myself in the near future...

As far as helping in the home is concerned, I'm thinking maybe you could think of something that your wife would be ok with you doing instead of housework? Perhaps starting a side business or getting involved more in the neighborhood? Just a thought