I’ve never made it to 90 days. I started a year and a half ago. The first year I would say clean the most was 60 days. But i was strong. My weakest time in that time was 30 days. Now I almost fall every day. My strongest time now is about a week. And I feel like I would never get out of this addiction. I want to recover from this addiction. And be a true tzadik. I want to be Hashem’s slave. I want to be a good soul in Hashem’s eyes. I want to recover from my addiction and not do anything I really don’t want to do. ( My real self, I don’t want to view p*** and m*********, I want to be a g-d fearing person, a yid). What should I do? I tried everything. I can’t now make it to 2 weeks. I was stronger back then when I first started, I would make it to 60 days. I’m going worse. I need your tefilos. I really want to recover from my addiction. May Hashem bless you all.

Aaronhopeful@gye.cobuym wrote on 28 Dec 2017 00:33:

Welcome back.
Sorry to hear about your stuff.
You said you tried everythin'. Care to elaborate please?

I’ve tried all the tools. 

She'las chacham chatzi teshuvah

If you want teshuvah you gotta be more specific and explain to your question - what tools you tried and how and the success rate

Being vague doesn't help most of us

I can relate to what you're going through. You say you fall almost every day. How much time per day are you spending with this? What do you do with your life in general? Maybe tell is a bit about yourself.  Just remember there is always hope. Many of us were once hopeless and have found we are no longer required to act out today. Many of us have found that our old ideas and motivations (some of those you have shared) didn't do much of anything to keep us sober. Keep an open mind and be honest with yourself.

serenity wrote on 28 Dec 2017 02:33:

I spend like 30 minuets to an 1 hr. I wake up say model ani, pray shachris, eat, go to my appointments, go to work, study Torah, and when I’m home with my phone bored the yetzer hara comes in. I’ve tried many times to study Torah in my free time at home but the yetzer hara always comes to me.

serenity wrote on 28 Dec 2017 02:33:

I spend like 30 minuets to an 1 hr. I wake up say model ani, pray shachris, eat, go to my appointments, go to work, study Torah, and when I’m home with my phone bored the yetzer hara comes in. I’ve tried many times to study Torah in my free time at home but the yetzer hara always comes to me.

Markz wrote on 28 Dec 2017 02:03:

I’ve tried knas, the daily chizuk, the 12 steps, the taphsic. they didn’t help me to stop. They helped me to get back up. But  they never stopped me from falling.

Sounds like a busy day. I hear that often about boredom leading to acting out. Maybe you could find something else to help fill your time.  

Something I your life besides for this also changed? There must be a reason why it got worse, no?
Maybe schedule a phone conversation with on of the gye reps to find out how to speed up your recovery?

youcan wrote on 28 Dec 2017 03:32:

Yes. I’ll try that. 

Aaronhopeful@gye.com wrote on 28 Dec 2017 03:12:

When your say the twelve steps do you mean you actually went to meetings or you listened/read about them and tried to incorporate them by yourself?

Hakolhevel wrote on 28 Dec 2017 03:47:

I haven’t gone to face to face meetings. 

Online forum conversations such as this are much ado about nothing

Aaronifyou'rehopefulGetonthephoneWithyourrebbiOrcordnoyOrserenityOrdov

Forum conversations are very helpful when people give advice whom to call...