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Bgit's Path Round #2
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TOPIC: Bgit's Path Round #2 51876 Views

Re: Bgit's Path Round #2 31 Oct 2017 01:47 #321772

  • cordnoy
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bgit wrote on 31 Oct 2017 01:23:

cordnoy wrote on 31 Oct 2017 01:08:

Hashem Help Me wrote on 31 Oct 2017 00:55:
Great. You are taking many steps in the right direction. Separating masturbation from pornographic imagery is very wise. If at all possible try to not even have any images in your mind (not just on a screen) if you m******  Wishing you success on all fronts.

I don't think it's so wise, but I may be wrong.

Why?

Because ultimately one is still lustin', and that is what needs to stop. The spillin' of seed or the viewin' of blondes (while it is surely a sin, but that ain't my beef) is not the focal issue.
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Re: Bgit's Path Round #2 31 Oct 2017 01:55 #321773

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Mr luv you comma, I disagree. It's not allowin' me to quote.

Additionally, the day I will forget what lust feels like is the day I'm in the grave.

The other day, I was in a pretty deserted parkin' lot and I saw on the floor what appeared to be some woman's underwear (panties bilaaz). It took me about 90 seconds to leave, but I didn't touch it. Lustin' I did; actin' on it I didn't.

B'hatzlachah to you....on whatever battlefield you're on. I choose the sidelines.
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Re: Bgit's Path Round #2 31 Oct 2017 02:28 #321774

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Hey cord, If you drive on the sidelines you may get a ticket.

For me it doesn't matter where I choose to be; I cannot run away of myself. So far that my self will follow me, I will constantly find myself in the midst of a battlefield. 

When I masturbate before porn, I don't lust, I am killing my lust before it has a chance to grow and explode. Masturbation is like busting the tires before the truck crashes into the wall (or into another fellow trucker). You indeed don't want busted tires, but it's a far better outcome than a damaged truck. 

If lust is what you're looking after than your best course would be to actually act out. I can tell you this much, if you act out every day right in the morning for the rest of your life, you will not lust another day. If you refrain from acting out for 900 days plus, every dirty panty will get your lust running. When I act out regularly, I don't even get to lust. I lose from all sides. Nowadays, If Hashem gives me a clean day, I thank him and am happy as can be. If I fall, I at least I get to enjoy a lustful poison. 

And for the records, maybe it's time to update your chart.. It's been by 900 since I have been around, even when I was still a guest. 

All the best, cord! I hope I didn't violate any moderator's guidelines.. 

Re: Bgit's Path Round #2 31 Oct 2017 02:36 #321775

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LoveU,Hashem wrote on 31 Oct 2017 02:28:
Hey cord, If you drive on the sidelines you may get a ticket.

For me it doesn't matter where I choose to be; I cannot run away of myself. So far that my self will follow me, I will constantly find myself in the midst of a battlefield. 

When I masturbate before porn, I don't lust, I am killing my lust before it has a chance to grow and explode. Masturbation is like busting the tires before the truck crashes into the wall (or into another fellow trucker). You indeed don't want busted tires, but it's a far better outcome than a damaged truck. 

If lust is what you're looking after than your best course would be to actually act out. I can tell you this much, if you act out every day right in the morning for the rest of your life, you will not lust another day. If you refrain from acting out for 900 days plus, every dirty panty will get your lust running. When I act out regularly, I don't even get to lust. I lose from all sides. Nowadays, If Hashem gives me a clean day, I thank him and am happy as can be. If I fall, I at least I get to enjoy a lustful poison. 

And for the records, maybe it's time to update your chart.. It's been by 900 since I have been around, even when I was still a guest. 

All the best, cord! I hope I didn't violate any moderator's guidelines.. 

Thank you.

ThereThere are some good lines there and that I enjoy.

Regardin' your main point, I couldn't disagree more.

B'hatzlachah on whichever road you choose to take.
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Re: Bgit's Path Round #2 31 Oct 2017 02:41 #321776

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And by the way, when I said sidelines, I refer to the program of workin' on betterin' one's middos, attitudes, defects, traits, etc. That is the way I defeat the power that lust has over me.

And, in truth, the one point I'd really love for you to believe, is that yes, I, thru the grace of God have been somewhat sober for over 900 days, but I don't think a day has gone by where I have not been lustin'....less than before? Yes, but lustin' nonetheless.
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https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
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Re: Bgit's Path Round #2 31 Oct 2017 05:35 #321781

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cordnoy wrote on 31 Oct 2017 02:36:

LoveU,Hashem wrote on 31 Oct 2017 02:28:
Hey cord, If you drive on the sidelines you may get a ticket.

For me it doesn't matter where I choose to be; I cannot run away of myself. So far that my self will follow me, I will constantly find myself in the midst of a battlefield. 

When I masturbate before porn, I don't lust, I am killing my lust before it has a chance to grow and explode. Masturbation is like busting the tires before the truck crashes into the wall (or into another fellow trucker). You indeed don't want busted tires, but it's a far better outcome than a damaged truck. 

If lust is what you're looking after than your best course would be to actually act out. I can tell you this much, if you act out every day right in the morning for the rest of your life, you will not lust another day. If you refrain from acting out for 900 days plus, every dirty panty will get your lust running. When I act out regularly, I don't even get to lust. I lose from all sides. Nowadays, If Hashem gives me a clean day, I thank him and am happy as can be. If I fall, I at least I get to enjoy a lustful poison. 

And for the records, maybe it's time to update your chart.. It's been by 900 since I have been around, even when I was still a guest. 

All the best, cord! I hope I didn't violate any moderator's guidelines.. 

Thank you.

ThereThere are some good lines there and that I enjoy.

Regardin' your main point, I couldn't disagree more.

B'hatzlachah on whichever road you choose to take.

Again I completely agree with Cords in what he says here.
However i would like to add my ESH to this discussion.
I quit porn before i quit masturbatin'
I took one addiction at a time.
When I quit porn i stopped seeing everyone on the streets as a potential part of my nights porn pleasure, and it had a profound effect on me.
At the time I didnt even want to quit masturbating it was not on my radar.
Quitting masturbating which was my earliest drug in life was much harder.
I still feel the pull to masturbate and I do not feel an impulse to see porn.
This is not the experience of most people I know who try to quit both at the same time.
I did however watch more porn than most of them :-)
This is not a traditional route to quitting but it did work for me and i am now clean from porn, street lust AND masturbation for 10 months 2 weeks and 1 day by the Grace of God!
Thanks.

Re: Bgit's Path Round #2 31 Oct 2017 12:36 #321787

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There is a difference between someone who stops lookin' at porn and succeeds at it even though he is still masturbatin' and the fellow who decides that he will look only at French porn but not Israeli and he will still masturbate. A week later he views Israeli porn and decides that henceforth he will view that but not porn on any screen larger than 14 inches, nor will he look at magazines with large chested women. Two weeks later he makes a resolution that he can view porn butt no masturbatin' unless it's before breakfast time.

B'hatzlachah on any decision you might reach
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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Re: Bgit's Path Round #2 31 Oct 2017 21:39 #321810

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cordnoy wrote on 31 Oct 2017 12:36:
There is a difference between someone who stops lookin' at porn and succeeds at it even though he is still masturbatin' and the fellow who decides that he will look only at French porn but not Israeli and he will still masturbate. A week later he views Israeli porn and decides that henceforth he will view that but not porn on any screen larger than 14 inches, nor will he look at magazines with large chested women. Two weeks later he makes a resolution that he can view porn butt no masturbatin' unless it's before breakfast time.

B'hatzlachah on any decision you might reach


That is not what anyone said here but I get your point. 

And by the way, when I said sidelines, I refer to the program of workin' on betterin' one's middos, attitudes, defects, traits, etc. That is the way I defeat the power that lust has over me.​


Very good! How do I go about that though? Is SA the only solution or can I work on my sidelines on my own (I mean on Hashem's own)? Here the issue, whereas porn and masturbation are definable and thus easier to spot, character defects are not. Any ideas?

Re: Bgit's Path Round #2 31 Oct 2017 21:59 #321813

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Work a fourth step sheet with someone you look up to.
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Re: Bgit's Path Round #2 31 Oct 2017 22:52 #321815

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Day #2

Wow this really blew up and got people talking! I really appreciate everyone's input which had quite an unexpected range of opinions. It's really useful to see different perspectives and to see what people think will it won't work and (more importantly) why. Obviously, I think that this could work and plan on continuing full throttle but I'm more aware of potential pitfalls. I think that it's also important to keep in mind how different everyone is and how different our life experiences are. What is good advice for one person may be terrible advice for another. 

Anyway, today was good without any real challenges so far B"h. 

See everyone tomorrow! 

Re: Bgit's Path Round #2 01 Nov 2017 06:32 #321827

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Yes, everyone's opinions are valid and what works for one may not work for others. There are successful therapists who do start the recovery process by separating masturbation from pornography. They go so far as to say that when one (unfortunately) masturbates one should at least do so without any imagery in mind. Although masturbation is considered a worse aveira, pornography appears to be more addictive. Therefore these therapists choose to deal with pornography first. Make no mistake - no one is minimizing the issur or illness of masturbating. The plan is to recover from that too. Obviously one should seek guidance from professionals who have received piskei halach from the gedolei harabbonim. One should also not make any independent decisions based on what is written in an anonymous forum. However the forum can give you more info and clarity to help you understand what to ask.
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Re: Bgit's Path Round #2 01 Nov 2017 21:59 #321863

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Day #3

B"h today is going well.  Temptations haven't really gotten strong yet, and I've actually been completely clean since starting.  

See everyone tomorrow!

Re: Bgit's Path Round #2 02 Nov 2017 18:31 #321905

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Day #4
B"h today is going well and I'm still clean. My wife is tahor now so it might be a little easier, but I'm seeing that both times have their struggles and I can't get lazy about it. 

See everyone tomorrow! 

Re: Bgit's Path Round #2 02 Nov 2017 19:04 #321909

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Personally when my wife is tahor it is harder for me as I almost never get anything
very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: Bgit's Path Round #2 02 Nov 2017 19:19 #321910

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MayanHamisgaber wrote on 02 Nov 2017 19:04:
Personally when my wife is tahor it is harder for me as I almost never get anything

Yeah - it's hard
If she has good intuition, like most women do (excluding all mothers in law) she can probably feel your frustration in the air and it becomes a lose lose situation, so being stuck in this rut is not helpful for anyone...
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