bgit wrote on 17 Oct 2017 04:09:

to the first point, I'm a pretty nice easygoing guy, but I turn into a barking dog after a fall, snapping at the smallest thing that my family does.


and to point #2,  

cordnoy wrote on 17 Oct 2017 12:44:

Thanks for the input.  I don't think that we are saying anything different really.  From what I've read around here, a person can get to a point where even though is engaging with another person he is effectively masturbating.  B"h I'm not holding there and I was speaking from my own experiences.  I agree with you 100% that the way the connection is formed is by being more of a giver and less of a taker.

B"h today was pretty good even though it was still unstructured.  Also, my wife became assur so that might throw a wrench in things, but be"h it will be ok.

See everyone tomorrow!

is this tru by everyone?

i find it interesting that the first week or so of being assur passes without a hitch, and then the last few days (think even white day #7 it has happened) that i get pulled by the lust...

@Yitz1010

I've heard people say that on the baalei batim forums, and in the past, day 7 has driven me crazy.  I'll pay attention this time around.  Each time has it's own struggles I guess...

For the past couple of days during shemoneh esrei in the morning I've admitted to Hashem that I'm powerless over this struggle and asked him to keep me for that day alone.  At maariv, I thanked Hashem for keeping me clean.  At those times, there is complete serenity which I feel and which has been spilling over to the rest of the day. I've also been trying to keep in mind the reason why I don't want this, that it makes me act badly to the people that I love.  This causes a great net loss compared to the pleasure of acting out.  So far these attitudes have made this struggle easier and be"h it will continue.

when u said day 7 do u mean day 7 of 90 or 7th of clean days

Yitz1010 wrote on 18 Oct 2017 04:19:

Extremely normal. You just have to keep reminding yourself that your body does not need to ejaculate. It is a false notion we have talked into ourselves. Best proof is that with a distraction -friends, a good book, exercise, it suddenly disappears.

Keep me posted how that goes. I guess that is the essence of the 12 steps (anyone correct me if I'm wrong). Complete surrender. Hatzlacha brother and may Hashem be with you today!

B"h today was good.  I got it from the 12 step and from Dov's posts around the site.  I"m really realizing that it's true that I can't control whatever urges I do have even if they are not as destructive as some other people who are part of 12 step groups describe on this site.

I have to be honest, so I have to say that I had a fall on Friday.  I was reading something (not bad) but there was a picture of a girl and I started lusting over it.  I probably should have stopped at that point, but I kept going and I think that in the back of my mind I wanted to see another picture of her.  There wasn't really anything more, but the thought of it was driving me crazy and I masturbated.

I noticed that when I was lusting, even though there wasn't anything there and I was just hoping that I would see something, I started to ignore my kids and wife.  It really drives me into myself when I do that and I don't want to do anything else at the time.  Does anyone have any advice on what to do in this type of situation. I mean when you're doing something innocent and you start lusting.  Should I stop doing that thing immediately, even though there isn't anything really wrong?  It seems like it would just be expressed somewhere else.  Any advice?

I think you already have the answer. You say when you start lusting, it drives you into yourself. It doesn't matter if the specific thing you're doing is innocent or not. If it's triggering you, you need to stop immediately. Since it remains in your mind, it's not enough to stop what you're doing. You need get out of yourself and connect to someone else... friend, family, sponsor...

Terribly unfortunate. I've been in your exact shoes many times. feeling like from tomorrow on i'll be clean. so very tough to fight the second and third urges. here's my advice, it's not just about how many days you stayed clean.
A: Seed is holy and wasting it is a sin. 
B: The more you feed the monster inside of you the harder it is to fight it. chazal teach us there is a small organ inside your body.... 
C: After a fall try to tell yourself , if i want to stop this horror show from happening again I MUST STOP NOW!!!!!!!!!!! 
Stay strong, Pray. Keep exercising. Don't give up, start again! Read the GYE handbook. And Pray again. 
Hashem is the key to everything. im hashem lo yishmor ir shuv shukeid shomer.
Have yourself in mind by refueini in shemone esra. 

RobFloyd wrote on 22 Oct 2017 08:14:

Bgit brother,
I had hinted about this to you a month ago on this post. 

IMHO it's likely the other way around
When youdrive you into yourself, you start lusting

From the gye pages you visit it seems to me that you are desperate to protect yourself (perhaps because you may have a hard time taking care of yourself) which unwittingly minimizes the care you can provide to the people / family in your life

Then when things get tough, you may take it further and when lust pokes his head you have a hard time to stop

Why are you desperate to protect yourself? Perhaps due to childhood experiences... Im not a professional but getting real life input can help you live better with the people you deal with daily, and it may automatically reduce mr Lust to insignificance!

Alternately getting into a recovery Truck with a real program e.g. 12 steps can possibly work the other way to solve the self-focus issues that we all have to some extent.

Am i making sense at all?

Write up a list of things to do when you get a lust attack. Examples: Call a fellow GYEer, exercise, read a previously written list of things Hashem has done for you, call a friend and walk out of the house/office, etc