Needafriend wrote on 12 May 2017 19:15:

There does not have to bee the same situation R' Yonah says this about znus specifically 

Needafriend wrote on 12 May 2017 19:15:

I don't know how to quote

I asked need a friend if a person can lock themselves in a room with a woman?

tiger wrote on 14 May 2017 05:58:

It seems like you know how to quote, but not exit a quote.
you have to click your cursor out of the quote area. You can always check by going to source and making sure that your text is after this [/quote].

Hi Need a Friend,

I read back this thread and realized that ny response was a little harsh. I would like to apologize for my previous post. Anonymous Forums are known to be hostile. We try to transcend that. I think you touched on a raw nerve. I for one, have struggled with this "sin" close to 18 years, Teshuva and Musar haven't helped me. I wouldn't have been able to withstand some of the challenges I've overcome with Teshuva. I needed to learn how to live and relinquish control to Hashem. As long as "I" was doing Teshuva it is me in control and I couldn't do it. 
You do bring up a valid point of being in the same place, woman, etc... I think it means that the Teshuva should be done as the sin.
When I sinned, I never said a L'Shem Yichud beforehand, I never focused on the effects it is having in the cosmic world, my only focus was on the here and now. The short-lived pleasure of the moment. So too when I'm recovering, I do not concern myself with trying to improve the cosmic world, I focus on the here and now. Living each moment as it comes.
Wishing you much Hatzlacha in all areas of your life.
p.s. If your username truly reflects what you need, I offer to be one.

lionking wrote on 14 May 2017 09:00:


Nice (edited post)

Markz, I was able to Thank You on your post.

lionking wrote on 14 May 2017 16:32:


I disagree with the last sentence

People generally enjoy a hearty discussion provided the tone is pleasant

There are a few people too sensitive even for silk gloves and they have to deal with their issues, not have us redesign the website

Markz wrote on 14 May 2017 16:50:

I enjoy a hearty discussion. Actually I really enjoy when people disagree with me.
Is there anything else I can write, that would cause you to disagree?

lionking wrote on 14 May 2017 17:03:

keep on posting - I'll keep the surveillance on (incognito of course)

My main issue is that you are a good writer, and you gotta chill and just post

Maybe you worry 2 much?

Markz wrote on 14 May 2017 17:09:

Hey, I know how to disable incognito 
Markz wrote on 14 May 2017 17:09:

Finally something I can disagree with you on. I personally feel like a very mediocre writer. I had no formal secular studies past 8th grade. There were subjects which I've studied on my own, but they were mostly in the STEM categories. English language and writing are my weak points.
Markz wrote on 14 May 2017 17:09:

Who spilled the beans? You sound like my Mother/Wife! 

I had a fall.  Not porn but masturbation.  Forced myself to think of my wife instead of what triggered me...but the source of the fall was my own fault.  Starting over.  Someday I hope to make it to 90 days.

I'm sorry to hear about the fall. I remember that feeling. B"H that memory is fading away, and hopefully it will to by you. You mentioned in your first post, the need for friendships. How is that going along? Have you tried reaching out to people? Perhaps even constant posting on the forum and participating in some of the discussions? 
Don't get down on yourself. Get back up and focus only on appreciating each day at a time. Hop on the truck!

Needafriend wrote on 12 May 2017 19:15:

A bunch of guys responded to you. Did you manage to reach out to any of them