Hay brother's,

im just about to fall, and i dont want it should happen, so ill write a bit, hope this crazy urge will get off my back... what the hack is triggering me?, that i dont know, no clue, and its driving me crazy, im in desperate need of it, but i wont mess with my current success.......

one of my friend told me today from the של"ה הק'  that hashem said to Noach he should build the תיבה slowly, it shouldn't take less then 120 years, it shouldn't take faster, to give the people who sin with....... הז"ל a chance to do tshivah, so we can learn from that, that Tshivah helps, even on this sin, you know what it means 120 years? How many empire state buildings can be build in such time? Most of Manhattan has been build in less then 50 years, and he build a taive 120 years, probably a nail and 1 2x4 a day, just to show us that we can do teshivah... this people at that time thought that he is off his mind, there is a huge wooden box, just in middle of the street, and he knocks in just one a nail in a pc of wood a day, and in the mean time he is screaming: מיינע ברידער, טיט תשובה וועט אייך גיט זיין,  and they looked at him in sain....... but at the end he won...... and they were i  sain, so lets do what its right to do, lets not sin..... (im talking to myself)

its so hard latley, even without watching porn, i dont know why im lusting, i desperately want to watch porn, i have such an urge for it, thankfully i have a great filter, so there is no chances for me, thankfully the winter is here, no more inappropriate clothed women watching on the streets, so hopfully ill get rid of this crazy lust, but latley its murder, no clue what its triggering me, im clean now for the longest time, clean of porn for over 6 months, clean of women stearing, so why im still looking to act out? No clue, but im looking for the answers, better to understand now before falling what its triggering me then after the fall, so i can watch my self not to fall..

im trying to think on a daily basis only positive, being positive defenitly helps, thinking only of the good parts of my life, i have a healthy and happy wife, so helpful to me, dinner is always ready when i get home from work, my clothes are so freshly washed and folded, she has me in mind all day and night, allways looking out for me, house is always in order and clean, i have healthy and happy kids, doing great in school and yeshivah, having good friends, they are smart and sharp, i have a beutiful house, i have a car, i have a great job, i can pay my bills, so why complain, why be negative? And why not pay back to hashem, and be clean for him??

shabbas afternoon used to be hell, thanks to this great GYE member, who gave me a grand idea, which this person got it from a therapist, that i should change pattern and not to go to bed right after the sida, and thats exactly what im doing, im playing games with my kids for an hour every shabbes afternoon, we have a grand time.... thank you for this idea, it works...

more to add but tomorrow, its getting late...

thanks for listening, BH i feel now better, this crazy urge has faded down....

thank you all...

Happy you BH pulled through. As long as we are physically healthy, these urges will come - sorry to disappoint you. It helps to have a written list of ideas to do when this happens. Exercise, call a friend, leave the house/office and just go for a walk, read a book/ learn a sefer/watch a video that will distract you. Personally i find having someone from the chevra here to call is my best resource - and if it is 2am i have someone in Eretz Yisroel - or at least email them and know they will see it and respond later. Continued hatzlocha! You are a daily inspiration for me.

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 20 Oct 2017 05:27:

Posting helps
You say you're struggling tooooo much
Thats only late night or daytime too?

PPosting helps big time, it saved me....
no problems at all daytime, only at night, too much time to think....

Day #66

today is day #66, only because of GYE, it saved me yesterday night, without GYE i would be today at day #1..... Thanks you written in golden letters..... what GYE did to me is indescribable and unbelievable.... no words, if i would have the funds, i would donate to market GYE so every jew around the globe would have the opportunity to know about and join GYE, its the best of the best..... no Yiddish Nefesh should be left out from this wonderful community...

Thank you! Thank You! Thank You!

Thank you all!!! Im still clean all because of you, your support, your posts, your messages and what not.. keep it up.

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can and we will do it! And Together

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 20 Oct 2017 15:06:

Me too
I try to be productive at night and when it gets late (past my bedtime) I turn on records of Dov calls - they're fun and inspirational and highly insightful and a little more

guardyoureyes.com/kosher-isle/shiurim/category/dov-s-recovery-talks/2

Markz wrote on 22 Oct 2017 00:50:

Thank you for your advice, it wont work, its not me being in bed with headphones.... i try to read, it helps most of the time, but for that few instances... mmmm its tough... posting worked so far best, because it needs some thinking what to write aboit, so it distract..
thank you anyway, you are my life saver..

Day #68

Today is day #68, BH im doing great, some obstacles here and there, but working in myself to overcome it, using many tools, but definitely not by muself, because im realy powerless, i have no doubts about it.

just a question, did אברהם אבינו had our nisayon too, or he had only his 10, from this week parsha we see that he said: הנה נא ידעתי כי אשה יפה מראה את so it looks like he never had a nisayon to look at her, or maybe thats the Chidish here, that he had this nisayon till here, but now he didnt had another choice and he had to look at her, so why isnt it counted as another nisayon, why is ther only 10 nisyonis there? 
Or is this nisayon a realy tiny one so its not worthed to be counted as a nisayon? Mmmmm i dont think so, its so huge, so hashem killed everything at the Mabel, so it is a huge nisayon, 
any one with an answer???

Day #69

today is another day, another day of success, i will make it as a clean one, with help from Hashem, will definitely get there, so many of us tried in the past to get sober, and they did, and i will do it too, yes i can, and i want and i will, its tough, but that's life, everything is tough, אדם לעמל יולד, we just need to have the will power, and basically its in our mind, we have to set our mind at a positive way, that we can do everything, then we will have success, if we will think negative, then everything will go negative. so let start thinking that yes, its possible to overcome this lust struggle, even after a fall we have to think that we can do it another time, its a mind set, we can manage our thoughts, and we have to be on top of it, and we will do it, and we will stay sober the rest of our lifes.. lets be happy, positive...

Thank you all!!! Im still clean all because of you, your support, your posts, your messages and what not.. keep it up.

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can and we will do it! And Together

Day #70 – 10 weeks clean

Today ill mark the 70th day of One Day at A Time, unbelievable, 70 days, which multiplies to many many more times of throwing off my back this monstrous YH…. Yes, he is a monster, and yes its not an easy one, and yes I can do it, and yes, you all can do it….. just buckle up and start riding this ride, just hop up and let go……. Time is flying by, the later you hop up the more you are missing out, joy of acting out is a few minutes and the cry afterwards is a long and painful, pain of not acting on a lust urge is a few minutes, but the joy is a life time, on this world and definitely at the coming and continuous world. So who is in, ill take along everyone, just come…… im talking from experience…. No regret.

Remember: a day at a time, why mess up the day when most of the day is almost over, stay positive, think and talk positive then everything will go your way, only with Simcha.

Thank you all!!! Im still clean all because of you, your support, your posts, your messages and what not.. keep it up.

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can and we will do it! And Together

Shvisi,

I rejoice in your 70 days too ;-)

Just guardyourwords, cos if you're able to throw the monster off your back you can't call yourself powerless, it's 1 or the other

Day #71

Today is Day #71, and yes, ill take credit for my self today, (mmmm is it really me or is it only because of you???) i walked on the street in the morning on my way to work, and i sew (should i be graphic?? mmm no, i wont) something which got me excited, and i can sure you, that there was what to look at, after a blink of my eye, i just looked away, for the next few minutes we walked parallel, and i just couldn't decide should i look at her or not, and at the end i won, i have to admit, it was very hard not to look, it was hell, it was the nisayon of the day.... i couldnt cross because of the upcoming cars, and it was hurting me that i cant look at her, i really wanted to look, but i didnt, and now im really happy with myself that i didnt looked at her... im proud of my self..... 

Remember: a day at a time, why mess up the day when most of the day is almost over, stay positive, think and talk positive then everything will go your way, only with Simcha.

Thank you all!!! Im still clean all because of you, your support, your posts, your messages and what not.. keep it up.

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can and we will do it! And Together

Wow! Real gevura! 

Shvisi

Saying it like it is, is the way to go
"ill take credit for my self today"

Tomorrow I'll add 1 detail to the equation, Keep On Trucking till then (and on...)

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 25 Oct 2017 17:38:

What you did, and it was for a sustained amount of time, is incredible. It is something the typical guy in the street would not believe possible. One can only imagine Hashem calling together the malochim and saying, "Chazu Chazu Bonei Chavivei"! (or in this case b'nee chaveevee)