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My Book of Business

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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: My Book of Business 136627 Views

Re: My Book of Business 11 Aug 2017 20:40 #318680

trouble
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Workingguy wrote on 11 Aug 2017 20:07:

I think the point that whoever it was was trying to make is that you learn how to control your decisions. It may not be true for addicts, but I don't know- even for 12 steppers it never jumped into your head "I'd love to act out, on second thought nah, it would be stupid."

That's a form of control; you may not be IN control but at that moment you might be controlllkng your decisions.

It may be your higher power helping you, but ultimately you're the one who does the action to doesn't. And if you ever make a choice not to, you controlled yourself.

I always understood that 12 steps was trying to say that we had to relinquish control of our lives and stop trying to control our addiction. It didn't mean that in a specific decision we didn't have control.

But I'm not sure if this is only for non-addicts or not.

And I'm not sure if I understand or not.

I control the moment of giving up control to the One Who is in control, so He can allow me to control the decision I have no control over.

Did I get it right?

i'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

if you're looking for trouble, you can email me @trouble69gye@outlook.com

Re: My Book of Business 12 Aug 2017 04:18 #318682

shlomo24
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I see it as giving up control. God gives me free will so I can make choices. However, I am powerless over lust and I will lose my free will if I engage in it. If I'm connected to my Higher Power, then he could keep me sober. Or he can choose not to. I'm fully open to relapsing, if that's God's will. I'm also fully open to staying sober, and yes, I'd rather that. But it doesn't matter what I rather. So when I surrender I am giving up my control of the situation and allowing his grace to come in and do what he wants with me. My entire program is devoted to giving up me and connecting to God. 100% of it.

If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can.

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: My Book of Business 12 Aug 2017 21:17 #318684

GrowStrong
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The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right- about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!

Re: My Book of Business 12 Aug 2017 22:14 #318686

dont give up
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Do you have the ability - with all the different tools in the book - to not begin engaging in lust ever again?
Do you have the choice?
Look at your experience.
If you can, my hat is off to you. Do it and enjoy it. Why drive yourself crazy?
But I couldn't, and it took me a great while to realise that...
Yet since then I have experienced not just sobreity but real recovery and healing in many many areas in my life.

My experience may be different to yours, but they're both correct

"Give me news - not views"

Re: My Book of Business 14 Aug 2017 15:36 #318757

Shivisi_Hashem
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Day #49

Today is day #49, 7 full clean weeks, what a number, but im here, 7 weeks…. and I will pass that, I hope not to fail, I will not give up…. Ever, and only with your help, I can’t alone.

waters are clear now, yes control, no control, the main thing is, we should stay clean, and everyone should take their own method which works for them, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken” and for me works best that I know that after all, it’s all about control, not a difference how I can achieve that, should it be via SA, should it be via 12 steps, should it via with Sponsor/partner, after all it boils down to control, control my eyes, hands, thoughts, you name it, when I control myself, I stay clean, and when I let go, im falling, and the main thing I need to remember, Today only, “The past is a ghost, the future a dream and all we ever have is now”.

Hashem, thank you, for helping me to survive, thank you all of you on GYE, I’m clean only because of you, it has nothing to do with me… I’m powerless, I wouldn’t be clean today without your help, I’m very happy that I’m part of this chevrah, without you, I wouldn’t be where I’m today.

Thank you all!!!

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can! And Together!

My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

להטות לבבנו אליו ללכת בכל דרכיו ולשמר מצותיו וחקיו ומשפטיו אשר צוה את אבתינו
כי עיקר מציאות האדם בעה"ז הוא רק לקיים מצות ולעמד בניסיון, והנאות העולם אין ראוי שיהו לו אלא לעזר ולסיוע בלבד לשיהיה לו נחת רוח ויישוב הדעת למען יוכל לפנות לבו אל העבודה הזאת מסילת ישרים

Re: My Book of Business 15 Aug 2017 17:18 #318811

Shivisi_Hashem
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Today has to be #50 but i dont know if i should keep it as #50 or #1...
i was in the line in a store, and there was in front of me this Heimishe women, i wont be that graphic, but there was enough to get excited, (dont know what they are thinking, but who cares) so i acted out till climax...... hold it back at the last second, so my dilemma is, i need a recharge, i need something getting me going, if i will start at Day #1, it will be fresh counting, so i might save my self from falling further, but if ill stay at #50, im afraid of the fall, but its not a real fall to start from #1, so what should i do.
any idea how i should go with that?
also, do i have to be mad on this women, or on my self, or on nobody, thats life......

My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

Re: My Book of Business 15 Aug 2017 18:22 #318813

Markz
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Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 15 Aug 2017 17:18:

Dov says 90 day chart is a gimmick
Gimmicks help
It hasn't for you or me

I hid my count now and am committing for the next few days not to count

You can do as you wish

My Story---------Dov Quotes

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Re: My Book of Business 15 Aug 2017 18:39 #318816

Shivisi_Hashem
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Markz wrote on 15 Aug 2017 18:22:

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 15 Aug 2017 17:18:

Dov says 90 day chart is a gimmick
Gimmicks help
It hasn't for you or me

I hid my count now and am committing for the next few days not to count

You can do as you wish

i love gimmicks... i love other things too..... so i will continue counting because i love it, it keeps me going.... question is, what day is today????

“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing”

My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

Re: My Book of Business 15 Aug 2017 20:32 #318825

yiraishamaim
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Counting plays a a number on our psyche and if the count should continue, or stop and begin from #1 is not something that should be flippantly dealt with. In the past I have found that throwing out the question to the chevra and starting a debate might not be the optimal way to go.
Contact smeone who knows you real well- a sponsor for example , understands what exactly you did, and gets what the consequences will be if you call it a fall and restart.
Hatzlocho

Re: My Book of Business 16 Aug 2017 00:19 #318830

Shivisi_Hashem
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I decided to start from scratch.....

ill explain, the purpose of my 90 days counting, is not to reach a 90 day goal, my purpose is, to have some accountability and responsibility to stay clean, in case of a fall, i committed myself to publicize it here, and im not that comfortable of the embarrassment which comes along with that, so, if i keep on counting and not start from fresh then what is the purpose of counting, i have to come clean straight 90 days. And after the 90 days ill start 90 days round 2, so it will get me going.

so, today was before Day #1, tomorrow will be iy"h day #1.

thank you all for all your great assistance and comments....

"Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing”

should we all stay clean forever,

My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

Re: My Book of Business 16 Aug 2017 01:14 #318831

Ihavestrength OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 708 Karma: 35	I think it's important to have a crystal clear sobriety definition and keep to it. X=a fall. Keep it up u r doing great.
	If you are really bored, you can check out my original thread here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/305558-Journey-of-one-day-at-a-time "Think good and it will be good!"

Re: My Book of Business 16 Aug 2017 02:57 #318832

shlomo24 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2213 Karma: 134	The white book says "Without a firm and clear bottom line our cunning and baffling sexaholism took over." Roy wrote that and he knew a bit about the disease. I don't have the SA sobriety definition and things were tricky for me at times. I see the value of having such a clear bottom line.
	If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. Email: iam24zman@gmail.com Last Edit: 16 Aug 2017 04:18 by shlomo24.

Re: My Book of Business 16 Aug 2017 03:59 #318833

Shivisi_Hashem
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Ihavestrength wrote on 16 Aug 2017 01:14:

I think it's important to have a crystal clear sobriety definition and keep to it. X=a fall.

Keep it up u r doing great.

Thats a good point, sobriety by me is clean of porn, clean thought atleast fighting it off right when it pops in, clean eyes, and of course clean hands..... anything unclean of those means a fall... and thats why im at day #1, i was clean for 50 days, that means very lot to me, huge accomplishment.

thank you all for your support...

My email:jacdoja@gmail.com
My threads: my long נסיעה of almost 30 years ~ My Book of Business ~ My Upcoming Dilemma

Re: My Book of Business 16 Aug 2017 05:44 #318834

bb0212
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Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 16 Aug 2017 03:59:

Ihavestrength wrote on 16 Aug 2017 01:14:

I think it's important to have a crystal clear sobriety definition and keep to it. X=a fall.

Keep it up u r doing great.

Shivisi, Congrats on making it 50 days clean. It may help to keep in mind (if it doesn't, please don't keep it in mind) that no matter what happens today or tomorrow, those 50 are not lost. That success is still a success, no matter what today will be.

My road to 90 days, all with God's help.

What brought me here.

90 days with Areivim

Re: My Book of Business 16 Aug 2017 15:05 #318846

Workingguy
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Shivisi,

A few things. First, even though you are restarting your count, don't forget that you DID stop yourself at the last minute. That's very big. Of course it would be better not to be in that situation, but once you were you could've said "Oh, the heck with it, it's all down the drain anyway" and you didn't.

That's real growth that a fall or slip or re-count can't take a way. And of course, you did make fifty so keep on going!
And who's the author of that amazing quote about failure in your signature?