Day #42

Today is number #42, I had BH a clean yesterday, day and night,

I’m having it very very hard this days, I don’t know the cause, and I don’t think I have to know, every day which goes by clean is a precious gift from hashem… I must take it on a daily basis, better, on a minute-to-minute basis… I’m walking this days on a thin line, the streets ae a killer, I don’t know what the other minute will bring, and the only way how I survive is by thinking, thinking to what it will get me, acting out won’t bring my any good, it’s only a pleasurable moment, but afterwards, its horrible and bitterness.

Hashem, thank you, for helping me to survive, thank you all of you on GYE, I’m clean only because of you, it has nothing to do with me… I’m powerless, I wouldn’t be clean today without your help, I’m very happy that I’m part of this chevrah, without you, I wouldn’t be where I’m today.

Thank you all!!!

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can! And Together!

Ride out the tough times- remember that thoughts and desires are fleeting, they leave as easily as they come! It won't be rough like this forever You can do it.
Don't fall! It will be depressing for me. 

My experience is that sobriety has it's ups and downs. Just keep riding the waves. I would be careful to avoid "musterbation" though. You're ok. Part of acceptance is also not beating oneself up.

Day #43

Yes, im still clean, an i wont take the credit for myself, because for me, i would long be after a fall, i just keep on working on a minute basis, i dont know what it keeps me going, hope to finish the day clean. its tough, on the street is tough, at home is tough, where ever you turn is tough.

Hashem, please help me to get out from this darkness, how much more will i need to struggle, its like when someone goes hiking, ion a long and hot trail, he dosent see the end of it, he gets very tired and stressed, but he knows that by the end he will get some rest, he will get to a destination, he knows that there is an end to it, but here, woooo, no destination at all, its a minute-by-minute fight, no light and no end of the tunnel, its currently so so dark, i just cant, its time for Mushiach to come, because the later he comes, the less he will have at his Kabules Punim, very tough.. so Hashem, please stand at my side, dont let me have a letdown, i realy dont want to fall.

Hashem, thank you, for helping me to survive, thank you all of you on GYE, I’m clean only because of you, it has nothing to do with me… I’m powerless, I wouldn’t be clean today without your help, I’m very happy that I’m part of this chevrah, without you, I wouldn’t be where I’m today.

Thank you all!!!

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can! And Together!

Maybe make a taphsic. May G-d be with you. 

Ihavestrength wrote on 09 Aug 2017 00:39:

IHS have you been taking those (Taphsic) meds - Has is helped?

Yes it has. Usually never did. Made things worse. However, today it worked and it worked big time. I wanted to look at things and I couldn't get it out if my head. I made a taphsic covering all the things that were tempting me. I swore in the name of G-d that I'd tell a close friend (within the next hour) and give 20 bucks to the municipality if I fell.  I made this for a week. It worked. Period.

Making one saying I'd do things before falling never worked. This very simple one worked. I tailor made it to exactly what's tempting me. Sometimes we have all the deep reasons to stop. Maybe we are even living life a bit healthier. But we started lusting. Here taphsic can put out the fire. Maybe. It did for me anyways. 

P.S Markz, I love you. 

Ihavestrength wrote on 09 Aug 2017 01:18:

Brother I love you too and since I care that's why I inquired about your health 

Im worried Taphsic meds can cause depression
I would prescribe anti depressants and you can kill 2 birds with 1 stone(drunk)

Could be I'm missing your drift. So apologies in advance. No depression caused so far by my taphsic. Also, not sure how anti depressants can solve the problem that taphsic does/may/can. 

Ihavestrength wrote on 09 Aug 2017 00:39:

I do have a taphsic, and thats one of the reasons i didnt fall untill now, but like marks says, that this meds dosent help always..... being in a drug rehab dosent mean staying clean....

Ihavestrength wrote on 09 Aug 2017 01:18:

For me, the taphsic works wonders, but the last fall was with the taphsic, but it helps me on a daily basis, but its not a security, its just a fence.

Day #44

Today is day #44, tomorrow will be 45, which was my longest clean streak, and i hope to pass it.... for many more clean days..

Last night was a bit easier then the other days, but its still not easy, im just wondering why i have such an urge to act out when there is no porn around, no steering on the street on inappropriate sightings, so why is the lust so strung? Ill leave it for hashem, its his Chesben, and i have to do what he is expecting from me.

Hashem, thank you, for helping me to survive, thank you all of you on GYE, I’m clean only because of you, it has nothing to do with me… I’m powerless, I wouldn’t be clean today without your help, I’m very happy that I’m part of this chevrah, without you, I wouldn’t be where I’m today.

Thank you all!!!

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can! And Together!

Day #45

Today is day #45, 45 days was my longest clean cycle ever, so today I’m matching it for the first time, and yes, I will pass that, and I hope not to fail, I will not give up…. Ever, and only with your help, I can’t alone.

had a tough night, but I didn’t want to mess with my success, so I didn’t fall, I keep on praying to hashem not to let me down, and he don’t, he loves me, and im very thankful to him, im his only child, im his Ben Yuchid, so why should I hurt him, he is just testing me with this struggles, lust is a good thing, but only when we use it in the right way, and I will not give in for it in the wrong way, Lust! Lust! I love you, but please understand me, you are disturbing me in the wrong time, Lust, if you want I shouldn’t let you go, then don’t mess with me, and don’t bother me, otherwise, I won’t have another choice, ill have to drop you..

Hashem, thank you, for helping me to survive, thank you all of you on GYE, I’m clean only because of you, it has nothing to do with me… I’m powerless, I wouldn’t be clean today without your help, I’m very happy that I’m part of this chevrah, without you, I wouldn’t be where I’m today.

Thank you all!!!

Let’s Stay Strong! Let’s Stay Clean! And let’s be positive and happy, Yes! We can! And Together!

i sew a good one!
"Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It’s perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.”

Nu, what did you learn from yesterday? share with us.