Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 07 Jun 2017 14:19:

I appreciate your sentiment but I surrendered...Fighting never helped me.
I hope it works for you.

GrowStrong wrote on 07 Jun 2017 14:32:

you didn't surrendered, you fell, so what, every soldier falls here and there, but they are not staying there, they run further, they keep on with the entire army, so, are you coming along?
its a golden chair...

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 07 Jun 2017 14:50:

I didnt fall, i just stopped fighting lust. The YH (lust army) is WAY too powerful to fight against.
Surrendering is the secret tool that lets him go take the fight to other people who want to fight.
You can't have serenity AND be in an army fighting a war 24/7
I chose serenity. 
That means that when lust rears his ugly head, instead of putting on boxing gloves I give him the winning belt, and turn around and walk away.
Let go and Let God. I believe that if I am fighting I am not letting go.
If i am surrendering I am letting God.
Thank God i am learning about all this in detail through my 12 step SA program, sponsor and fellowship of fellow sex addicts.
GYE helped me to get clean, SA is helping me to stay clean.
Hope this makes sense

GrowStrong wrote on 07 Jun 2017 15:11:

makes a lot of sense, great I'm here at GYE, you live and learn, and surrender, I just started the 12 step on the daily morning call.. will get there eventually..
thanks for your input

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 07 Jun 2017 15:15:

Great! The 12 steps are all about letting God completely run our lives and working on our character defects with rigorous honesty.
For those who never masturbated and drugged and porn'd they use mussar and chassidus
We need it dumbed down for us haha.
A few months ago I wrote a little vort about how the surrender secret is a secret weapon Hashem sent in the end of days as part of ikvasa demeshicha.
I dont know how true it is but it makes sense to me.
Much Hazlocha

Day #4

B"H I passed Day #3, and Today is Day #4.

I’m very happy, that Today is number #4, hashem is fully on my side, I had a super clean yesterday! I feel B”H great, I won’t fool myself, I’m a full fledge addict, and I need to be constantly fully aware of that. I’m still on top of the hill, one slip and booms.

Rutzen is everything, without a Rutzen, you can have partners, sponsers, SA meetings, even live ones, join conference calls, but without the Rutzen you are just fooling yourself, so one of the Tsadikim said: “”we need to pray we should have a Rutzen to have a Rutzen!””

Thank you Hashem for directing me to this great GYE community, Thank all of you, for the support and chizzuk I receive daily from all of you,מי כעמך ישראל, and most of all, thanks for my great partner, all my clean days and being abstinent of any sexual stuff goes to him…

Today is Day #4, and Today only, היום אם בקולו תשמעו, I will be on top of my soul, I'm not interested what happened in the past, and what it will happen in tomorrow or in 2 weeks, or 2 months... and the Today is not that long, just a few hours, let’s not mess up the few moments left in Today and Hashem, please stay on my 2 sides, please don't let me down, I want to stay clean, and help me and all Klal Yisroel stay clean.

Stay Strong! Stay Clean! And have a Rutzen

this week i had a fall and from there went to maariv i was feeling very down and uninterested but i opened a chumash while waiting for the chazzan and saw rashi in this weeks parsha that aharon hacohen has to be madlik the menorah עד שהשלהבת עולה מאליה i thought to myself i got to keep trying to light my neshoma until it goes by itself so these type of falls that come from nowhere will not happen 
this thought got me thru the week 
you are an inspiration i thought i'll share that bec. i think it has to do with falls that seemingly come from nowhere but really the next time your getting stronger until it goes ad meah v'esrim be"h hatslocho gut shabbos

tzomah wrote on 08 Jun 2017 20:30:

Hashem should give you the strength to march forward clean, just get your self up, and continue clean, I'm much more stronger now after my last fall, last shabbes, then before, so don't worry, you can do it, and you will do it... just the courage of admitting the fall shows strength, so keep on marching..


yes, that exactly my experience, this nowhere falls is a terrible feeling, but don't get depressed, it wont help, just get up, and be happy that you can go forward, and be happy that you are a member here in this great community, its a great place, full of great people, full of support and chizzik.

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 08 Jun 2017 16:43:

Great going Shvisi!
Care to share what you share with your partner?
Do you learn מסילת ישרים, or Rama שויתי השם...?

Markz wrote on 09 Jun 2017 01:28:

I will soonin a separate post..

Day #5

B"H I passed Day #4, and Today is Day #5.

Yes, I gained another Today, that Today is called number #5, im very greatful and thankful to hashem because he is always on my side, I had a super clean yesterday! I feel B”H great, I won’t fool myself, I’m a full fledge addict, and I need to be constantly fully aware of that. I’m still on top of the hill, one slip and booms.

Someone told me a vort which is worth mentioning, we pray daily that והסר שטן מלפנינו ומאחרינו we ask השם to watch us from the יצר הרע before we act out, or watching porn etc.. that we shouldn't do it ח״ו, we should have the energy to fight it off, because we are powerless, and without his help, we won’t succeed, but if we fall, C”V, then we pray ומאחרינו, we ask השם that he should help us from falling to the Y”H when he comes to us saying, what a big sinner you are, what a loser you are, to bring us down more and more.

Thank you Hashem for directing me to this great GYE community, Thank all of you, for the support and chizzuk I receive daily from all of you,מי כעמך ישראל, and most of all, thanks for my great partner, all my clean days and being abstinent of any sexual stuff goes to him…

Today is Day #5, and Today only, היום אם בקולו תשמעו, I will be on top of my soul, I'm not interested what happened in the past, and what it will happen in tomorrow or in 2 weeks, or 2 months... and the Today is not that long, just a few hours, let’s not mess up the few moments left in Today and Hashem, please stay on my 2 sides, please don't let me down, I want to stay clean, and help me and all Klal Yisroel stay clean.

Stay Strong! Stay Clean!

Day #7
B"H I passed Day #5 &6, and Today is Day #7.
Yes, I gained another Today, that Today is called number #7, wow, im clean for a week, a full week, who would belive that, (im really clen of porn and looking at inappropriate stuf for 66 days, i just had a fall, if that counts) im very greatful and thankful to hashem because he is always on my side, I had a super clean Friday & Shabbes! My toughest days, I passed beshulom, I feel B”H great, I won’t fool myself, I’m a full fledge addict, and I need to be constantly fully aware of that. I’m still on top of the hill, one slip and booms.

Thank you Hashem for directing me to this great GYE community, Thank all of you, for the support and chizzuk I receive daily from all of you,מי כעמך ישראל, and most of all, thanks for my great partner, all my clean days and being abstinent of any sexual stuff goes to him…

Today is Day #7, and Today only, היום אם בקולו תשמעו, I will be on top of my soul, I'm not interested what happened in the past, and what it will happen in tomorrow or in 2 weeks, or 2 months... and the Today is not that long, just a few hours, let’s not mess up the few moments left in Today and Hashem, please stay on my 2 sides, please don't let me down, I want to stay clean, and help me and all Klal Yisroel stay clean.
Stay Strong! Stay Clean!

Day #8

B"H I passed Day #7, and Today is Day #8.
Yes, I gained another Today, that Today is called number #8, wow, I’m clean for more than a week, a full week, who would believe that, (I’m really clean of porn and looking at inappropriate stuff for 66 days, i just had a fall, if that counts) I’m very grateful and thankful to Hashem because he is always on my side, I won’t fool myself, I’m a full fledge addict, and I am powerless on my addiction, and I need to be constantly fully aware of that. I’m still on top of the hill, one slip and booms.

I had a very successful day yesterday, and I’m very very proud of that, I had to use the NYC subway, and I don’t have to describe how it looks like, there is more “human like Animals” then regular humans, it was packed, and I didn’t look anywhere, I didn’t cheat, not even once, yes, it was very triggering, but I came out clean, It was hot, i was bullet sweating, so I was thinking to myself, that my heart is probably being washed out now, that’s why im wet, הרב כבסני מעוני ומחטאתי טהרנו, I wept on mentioning names of people who are desperate for ישועות, and I said, that I’m working hard not to fail, so Hashem should help this people too.

Today is Day #8, and Today only, I really want to stay clean, and I will stay clean for the rest of my life, I realized that I’m Powerless, I can’t help myself by myself, I need upper power, assistance and guidance, the Today is not long at all, it’s a matter of just a few hours, I won’t mess up the few moments left in Today,  and Hashem, please stay on my 2 sides, please don't let me down, I want to stay clean, and help me, my partner, all GYE members and all Klal Yisroel stay clean.

Stay Strong! Stay Clean!

The way you behaved and kept the faith in that smelly undergroung train surrounded by the lowest of the low, gave a million times more nachas ruach to Hashem than the shira of sublime malachim.

Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 12 Jun 2017 14:34:

What makes them human like animals (especially since you didnt look at any of them)
Is it what they are wearing?
Did you look into their souls?
Not to take away from your victory over the lust but i have to argue with the base degradation of those souls.
And with HHM by adding to it by calling them the lowest of the low.
In a place like NYC a bunch of them are Jewish and don't even know it.
Are we excluding those?