Be careful about number counting. It is a highly effective tool but it has its down side too. I have had recovery numbers in the hundreds of days twice and then fell. So should I feel like a loser until I surpass my previous record?
If so. that's a real long dead end to experience. For we cannot change time can we? no way for a keveetzsas haderech. 
Besides the idea that our past accomplishments are nothing to sneeze at. And besides the fact that to look at the struggle as one day at a time is the way to live .

I believe there is another truth more essential to realize.

IT"S REALLY A WHOLE NEW KIND OF COUNT.
'cause I did not just simply roll over and begin again.

I made modifications in my personal game. My triggers are set more at a distance because of my new gedarim. I am connecting with my partner more. So I am receiving his help while I am helping him also. And who knows which type of communication with him is more beneficial for my recovery.

GYE has  counts.
Remember not all numbers are born equal.
And a number 10 at first glance looks like any other number 10. 

But, if you have made changes then it is more valuable than your previous number ten.

Hey, take a second look and you'll see the number 10 of your present count glistening more than the 10 of your previous cheshbon.

Be proud!

Ihavestrength wrote on 06 Jul 2017 09:56:

There's a saying in SA that the longest record of sobriety is 24 hours!!

For me I must admit that the concept of one day at a time was a tough pill to swallow, but it helped me tremendously once I did.

All we need to do is stay sober NOW, I can't fix the yesterdays and I can't shape the tomorrows, so all that's left is the NOW!

Keep it up brother!

YFM,

Nice to see you!!

yiraishamaim wrote on 06 Jul 2017 11:26:

i look at the idea of numbers counting this way, in order to fall i will have to REPORT that i'm starting at day #1, i committed my self doing that, and its a very painful and embarrassing post, and that's one of the things which holds me back from falling, yes, its the Bisha, so its not the number. i just reached yesterday Porn clean day #90, it feels good, what an achievement, but it will feel very painful to loos that... and that's what keeps me going, not the actual numbers, because number 88 is just number "88th TODAY".

Mazel Tov on your achievement. 

Workingguy wrote on 06 Jul 2017 18:26:

Thanks bro!

​I'm in and out these days.... no specific reason though, just reg addict behavior lol, here for a few weeks then a few months off....

Day 11: Nothing to report. Nothing to write. Wishing everyone a great shabbos. 

Ihavestrength wrote on 07 Jul 2017 13:07:

No news is good news
I presume youve gotta be working something, otherwise there'd be what to report 

Day 12: Read some of Dr. Sorotzkins stuff. 

It's crazy. I need to figure out alot of stuff. It ain't gonna take one day. Gotta stay clean while I'm doing it. I guess the number one reason I want to stay clean is that clearly I'm trying to fulfill some need and I'm not going to figure out what it is while I'm acting out. Acting out isn't working at making my life run well. So I gotta find something else. 

Peace 

Gut voch!
Shavua tov!

Day 13: Looked at some stuff today. Not porn, but bad enough. I didn't masturbate. I don't think I'm going to restart my count. I don't think it will be beneficial. It seems that looking at porn related images may be fulfilling a different need than masturbation, intimacy vs. relief from anxiety. Any thoughts anyone?

Ihavestrength wrote on 09 Jul 2017 17:37:

Yes. My thought is that you're probably right. Pornography can give you a false sense of being involved in something Internet. Question is what do you do about it?

I'm not sure what you saw but -modify, tighten up your gedarim. so that this behavior won't  pull you into full fledged falling. 

Sounds like the same thing that brings you to porn itself is bringing you to these related stuff. You are playing a game with yourself. Can't actually watch porn so I'll watch ALMOST porn

Do you have a filter? such images/videos gotta be more out of reach.


I've learned the hard way that I must have tough gedarim to distance myself from triggers - even if it means a great sacrifice of fun and entertainment.
Needless to say there is more to sobriety but this is absolutely essential for me. Others have included this it their testimonies as well.

Just sharing my experience, I have a filter but if i truly want lust then i will find it. I will beat any filter, do whatever it takes to get my fix. I am an addict after all. I am completely utterly powerless over lust. It controls me. It makes my life unmanageable. A filter is not good enough for me. I need more. I need positive recovery not just preventative recovery. I need gratitude lists, i need fear inventories, i need to share on the phone with other program members. 

Perhaps you are different. Perhaps a filter is sufficient for you. I am not sure, Only you can make that call. For a long time, i thought thats all i needed but now i realize that if I do my program of recovery I wont even try to break my filter, i wont look for images, I wont masturbate. 

Who in their right mind that is in real recovery would ever want that? Life is so good in recovery. Why would i want to wreck it? Risk it. Its ridiculous. I know that if i go there, then I am just killing my self. 

Ihavestrength wrote on 09 Jul 2017 17:37:

Oh oh! Dont do that, no matter what! Stay away, let me ask you, when you walk o  the street and you see thise jewish ladys, dont they turn you on? Why, they have nothing related with porn, but they still turn you in, (atleast for me) just stay away! Please get your self a better filter.... tomorrow you will be at week number 2, please dont mess around. Just do it for me, it a personal favor. 
thank you...

Day 14: Thank you guys for sharing. It means a lot to me. I have covenant eyes on my phone with a filter. However I found a loophole where I can watch inappropriate movies (R rated etc.) So I was essentially skipping through movies to find things. Not really sure how I can close the loophole, unless I lock down all apps, which would prevent me from using GYE, which I think I need. 

Feeling unworthy about what I did yesterday. Finding it hard to accept love from people. Feeling like I'm bad and rotten. 

Update: Bh figured out a way to block that loophole. Obviously, can't block every one but that was a big one.