Markz wrote on 16 Oct 2017 23:15:

Dunno, a good filter has stopped me many times if not most times in the past.

 Recently, I have been lax, other than making sure not l to refrain from mz"l. In other words, I was playing with fire. I wasn't planning on being mz"I, but I was "unsuccessful" with that & didn't stop in time. 

Bb, sorry to hear about your disappointment. But lets put things in perspective. Your accomplishment of 259 is incredible and nooone can take that away. Besides that, you have shown yourself you can stay clean for very extended periods of time. So lets get back up, shake off the dust, and move on. If you can figure out what exactly you were lax in that brought it on, maybe write up a contract that you will pay a knas if you do that action. This has helped a number of people. They found that once they were hooked it was too late, but when they stopped the step before, they were able to stay in control. One chaver, for example, noticed he always fell after accessing youutube. Bli ayin hora, he is doing great now that he has a strong contract keeping him off youtube. Hatzlocha. 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 17 Oct 2017 11:29:

Ty for the support. I don't think taphsic would work well with me. At least not long term... So maybe short term - let's say for a week - that might work. The problem is, I don't have a strong motivation right now. Even before I fell, I wasn't all in and that's why I fell.

Sorry to hear that brother! 259 days is a huge success!! maybe restarting to post more will help you stay focused and on guard. maybe. It will help you remember how important this is in your life. if you are mechazik others, something might stick with you. The key is for it to be your top priority. What do you think?

I just had a fall too so I feel your pain. It's not like I fell from anywhere tall (like your 259 days) but I still got hurt. Maybe forget about getting back to where you were. That might be too overwhelming and maybe even frightening (at least to me. 259? such a long time! so much hard work). You love porn and that's it. But nothing will happen if you stay clean for today only. Right? you can still call yourself a pornaddict, one day won't make it or break it. 

Good luck brother and may Hashem be in your way today!!

That's just the thing. I feel kinda lost/confused. Dunno that it's my top priority & that's why I fell (and haven't really gotten up yet).

Wtf is wrong with me? Since last week I keep masturbating. It's as if it's allowed, now that I no longer have any streak going. (Plz don't suggest taphsic, it's not for me, not now.) It's pulling me so far down. Spiritually, emotionally. Yet I keep doing it. It's my default mode. It pisses me off that half the time I'm looking away from pretty girls, half the time looking for them. I'm just lost.

If you have not done so yet, maybe it is time to reach out and speak with someone.

bb0212 wrote on 01 Nov 2017 20:34:

There's nothing wrong with you
You're a normal sweet guy

Hashem Help Me wrote on 01 Nov 2017 22:05:

If anybody is available to talk, couldja plz pm or reply with ur phone number?

:-)

stop pissing yourself off
maybe thats a start

In Yeshiva they told us there is a lock on the kitchen for a reason. We know that you can get though the lock of you really want to. So pls don't defeat the purpose of the lock.

The second you start you trying to get around your filter you have already acted out. God bless you that you should be able to see your insanity as I was able to finally see mine on October 9, 2014. . 

serenity wrote on 02 Nov 2017 23:55:

Full of inspiration
Keep it up

Wow. It's been a while since I updated here. Bh I've had a clean month. Thank you to a holy Yid (Hashem Help Me) on these forums who reached out to me & totally made a difference in my life. Today is the 30th day of שמירת עניים ושמירת הברית. I don't know when the last time was that I've been completely clean for 90 days on the full gamut from ושמירת הברית to שמירת עניים, but in either case that's my goal for now. It really hasn't been easy, but my TAPHSIC has helped. Even though I thought that I wasn't a TAPHSIC type of guy, this holy friend helped me come up with something that worked for me: if I want to act out, I must first reach out to him via call or text. 

1 big factor here is that I recently started a movie/tv diet till after Chanukah. 

A couple of things: first of all initially I didn't know if Hashem Help Me (hhm) would be ok if I'd share his username, so I only wrote "holy Yid". After confirming with him, I gave him a specific mention. He was not fond of the title holy Yid, because he figured it would separate him from the rest of us strugglers and wants to be able to help ppl without pushing them away. So for the record, HHM has been there, done that. He's fought the fight and understands the struggle, helps people all over the forum and would probably help you if you emailed him (his email is in his signature) or send him a pm. Regarding the holy Yid part, all of us are holy, we have a built in intrinsic holiness.

Still clean. So stressed out, ARGHH! . By some miracle I'm still clean. Movie diet is over.