hi, my name is name omitted, and i realize i am lost and have no idea what im doing.
what started out as an interaction with a "friend" 8 years ago, has grown into a problem that has taken over and is ripping apart my life. 
i use cynicism to shield myself help and the truth, and by nature have a very difficult time asking for any sort of help or actually changing my perspective on myself, life, etc. i am a quiet pensive intellectual - and that has apparently done me great harm. 
i struggle with viewing explicit material from time to time and fantasizing about explicit material more often but, i have never masturbated. gotten close, and even (regrettably) tip-toed that line - but never actually did it. which got me thinking - that is not normal. so i did some soul searching and realized that my issues dont stem from lust itself. my issue stems from a need for companionship. and its not surprising. coming from a family where no one talked to each other about themselves, i have never had a closeness or bond with anyone. obsessing in the world of instant sexual gratification was a way to numb the pain of loneliness. loneliness which led to depression and anxiety.
i went to see a therapist for a few sessions, but that was no help. he seemed to just be telling me that everything is cool. but the struggle continued. some times better than others. during the bad times, thousands of dollars (literally) were given to charity. fast days were observed. and yet, i still found myself in the same cycle - just leaving me more depressed and anxious. filters were installed, apps were deleted and systems were secured, but when push came to shove, there was always another way to access what was needed.
and i tell myself - this is normal. its natural. this is why the gemara says guys should get married early. this is why a chosson is forgiven for all his sins on his wedding day. these problems are supposed to be here for me to struggle with, and people have told me that these issues lighten up after marriage. however, i fear it will never end. and how can i know the answer to that? get married and hope for the best(lol)? 
so, as it says in the gemara, once a person truly accepts to fix his shortcomings and atone, Hashem will open the path and give a leg up.
So here i am. ready to begin my 90 day challenge, which, starts a couple of days before the weeks of shovavim.  
I ask Hashem for the strength and courage to complete this journey, along with the help i so very much require to overcome my many demons and pitfalls.
lets get started!

Welcome, NGC. I really feel your plight.
In the SA White book I saw a nice definition of lust: A process of using natural means for unnatural purposes. So yes, you want companionship, etc, but your brain will try utilise something in its capacity, like sex/explicit images, which usually do have a natural progression about them in a healthy way (marriage, intimacy), and try to fix the problem.
I also went to a therapist. He discussed a lot of stuff with me. Though I never told him the true extent of my problem. I didn't know either at that time.

DO NOT EXPECT IT TO GET ANY EASIER WITH MARRIAGE!!!!
It's a very dangerous misconception. 
You have to be honest with yourself.
Do you have a normal struggle, like a normal Yid, or do you have an addiction?
It's very me'akev, the answer to that question. If you have an addiction, then all the things you said, getting married early, sins forgiven on wedding day, they don't function properly. Teshuvah is for a normal guy. Addiction is a disease. And it's contagious. You'll just bring your helpless wife down with you, with the lies, deceit.

You don't have to answer all the questions immediately. Sit with them for a little while. contemplate. Let the cholent pot bubble. And browse this place for articles, testimonials, others' stories. Gauge your own level on this path.

And listen to Dov's wonderful calls. They explore a lot of very fundamental questions!

Welcome, brother. Hatzlocha on the 90 days!

Welcome,

ThanksI for the share.
There is a lot written there, but I sense that parts were omitted.
Maybe not.
Therapists, in general, are good.
Some may not be.
You say that the issue is not lust, but connections; that is an area a professional can exploreI.

Either way, hatzlachah to you.

Welcome ngc,
Can you define what you mean by companionship? 
From what i've seen Singularity is right that marriage won't solve the problem. Also i would double the notion of more introspection and seeing what the problem is.
Thanks for posting and keep posting.
Good luck on your journey,
360gye

so day 1 is over. 
a lot of thinking and reflection today. 
first - thank you to everyone for the outpour of encouragement and support, its truly inspiring and humbling.

upon introspection, along with reading the gye handbook, i spent a lot of time thinking about the concept of lust and how that pertains to me. not being a very good talker, but an excellent listen, i had gotten involved in a local yeshiva/high school and was around to act as a big brother to the out of town boys, many of whom were struggling with masturbation and porn. one boy in particular i would set aside my maaser money and give him $10 for each week sober. and it worked for a couple of weeks. he would fall,

but then he would go strong for a couple of weeks, and so on. others openly talked about watching porn and other explicit material with no desire to change, even though acknowledging its wrong and bad. 
and then i look at myself. my struggle seems to come from a curiosity which led to a fascination which somehow grew to feed a need for companionship. i dont "watch porn" and dont masturbate. from time to time i get depressed as is human nature - programmed by Hashem - and look up something i ought not to. not for the sexual gratification of doing so. but to feed something within me that started as fascination.

so is the solution to set heavy filters, get accountability software, seek therapy, take on this or that kabala, or fight it out and try to implement the torah's cure - marriage (which, as y'all have pointed out, wont work for lust addiction, which, according to my expert opinion doesnt seem likely - 2nd opinions requested) (side point - older married people who know me (sorta) have told me that these kinds of things do get easier esp with someone like me, so thats something for me to consider also).

so in summary: day 1 - still confused and looking for clarity.

Very touching and inspiring story, with the little brother.

You say you want to "fight it out". Addict or not, remember the idea is to surrender, leave it to Hashem. The Yetzer Hora will always beat you if you face him head-on.

Sounds like you've soul-searched and deemed yourself not an addict. Well BH! May you climb ever higher. and b'Sha'ah Tovah.

How often is "time to time"?

I was going to suggest therapy as one positive idea - and loneliness may not be the real underlying cause of lusting...

Then I went back and saw cordnoy's and then your first comment. 
Its sad that there are bad therapist out there. Gye has good ones to recommend

KOT!

Welcome!  Sorry, I don't have time for a longer post right now.  I wish you bracha and hatzlacha.  Don't ignore the issues you had as a child.  They are very likely directly linked to your issues today.