Yosef, you dealt with an extremely challenging situation incredibly well. I think i would have acted out big time. The buildup, the desperation, the disappointment must have been overwhelming. How you even had the ability to stop and think at that point is amazing. You are an inspiration to all of us in your growth in so many areas. Your ability to apologize under those circumstances shows what a humble person you are becoming - and realizing you cant control others around you. I am very happy for you that the episode ended well with your being together in a way you enjoyed - and in order to do so you obviously had successfully put any bitter feelings toward your wife and the whole situation behind you. From such a union Moshiach can be born.....

Great job holding your hands back.
Sounds like a big improvement.
One success should lead to others.

Is it usual for you to lash out at her like that?
You are laying a lot of the blame on her.
As you wrote, your screaming at her outside the house was an unbelievable act, are you getting help for that?

Wishing you all the best.

I will be married b'H soon and am blown away by your story. Honesty in telling it, humbleness and strength that you showed throughout its course. Astounding. 

I will definitely file this away as a powerful example for myself for the future. Thank you and may Hashem bless you for being such an inspiration to us all.

TzedekChaim wrote on 05 Mar 2017 18:39:

B"H this is a public forum.

Honesty is also crucial and Yosef did fabulous with his story.

His holdin' out when he was agitated and anxious is a testament to GYE and to hisI individual progress.

I would like to point out thatI there are parts of the story thatI you probably should not take as an example as far as what to do, just like there are many parts of all my stories and others that you should not use as an example.

May God guide you in the properI way and may you merit buildin' a bayis neeman byisroel lsheim ulsiferes.

Geez Yosef, that's heavy stuff. 

Very yeshivish way of lashing out at her :-P

Shkoyach on fixing the situation. It's sometimes so easy. A puff of smoke.

3 full weeks...
Purim is coming.
We already have plans to spend the long day with a few friends.
It should be awesome.

Chaim, I just wrote on your thread the conclusion of the Rav Shafier question. 
He is addressing "regular guys" with "regular, strong yetzer haras".
And I think Yehidah understood him very well. We are talking about a "regular picture"
of your wife smiling...NOTHING immodest, chas v'shalom!
His shiurim called The Fight are almost by definition not for a lust/sex addict.
Not sure why I'm writing this here, but can't be bothered to switch it to your thread.
Have a great smiley face day!

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 07 Mar 2017 12:10:

I don't think that's accurate 

gye.vids.io/videos/d49bdeb21b19e5c55c/video-11-for-married-men

Markz wrote on 07 Mar 2017 13:09:

Maybe for Yosef the most desirable position he can picture his wife in is her smiling.
I know nothing makes me happier than when my wife is smiling.
Again I dont think this video is for addicts, its for regular people who struggle with desires outside of their 4 amos - which is pretty much most people, and for them (normals) its not a bad piece of advice. Even if the position they view their wives is X rated.
Myself personally I used this as a tool to break free from porn as i have mentioned a few times on this forum, so as a stepping stone for us with more problems in this area than most, its also not such bad advice, but its certainly not the goal.

NO time now, but here is what he said (I'll add to it and complete it later):
"You should have an image of your wife in your mind in a position you consider desirous 
(this means, for instance, sitting on a blanket under a tree at the park, smiling and looking really beautiful on a sunny wonderful day...and you remember that time you had there together and how beautiful she looks/looked. It does NOT mean a pornographic picture of your wife)
and have that image in your mind ready and available.
...if you actually see a woman and see yourself desiring her, you say to yourself:
that's a pretty woman, but I'd much rather my wife. 
You say: my wife is beautiful; I desire her.
You can admit someone else is pretty, but it's not she I desire; it's my wife I desire."
-----------
Still disagree?
Or now you see what I'm saying?
I don't mind clarifying this at all.

Howbout if one doesn't desire his wife?

What happens if the others are indeed prettier?

Let's say he cannot conjure an image of his wife smilin'.....

Then what?

cordnoy wrote on 07 Mar 2017 14:04:

But of course the real answers are, this isnt our avodah... We dont need imagination tools (bandaids) to not lust in the street.
We need to just not lust in the street.

cordnoy wrote on 07 Mar 2017 14:04:

Then you are destined to be stuck on GYE forever, and might even become a moderator

cordnoy wrote on 07 Mar 2017 14:04:

unanumun wrote on 07 Mar 2017 14:23: