Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 22 Nov 2016 19:16:

Advice....
1 calm the Hell down
2 stop the hysteria about addicts and non addicts
3 you can listen on phone without talking
4 read the handbook
5 breathe, smoke, breathe

First the joke!
So, once upon a time...




________
Now for the serious stuff but it's not too serious. More like facts that maybe stranger than fiction

I spoke to Yesod and he claims that all the guys that are sober long term on gye came out of 'hiding' one day or another. 

I dont consider myself an addict yet I have spoken to guys here, and my Rav too.

It it could be that cordnoys daily call made the transition easier for me

Remember this is a free country

Porn is free
Phone calls are free
Meetings are free

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 22 Nov 2016 13:08:

I understand a sponsor as someone who can guide you through the 12 steps. since you're not doing the 12 steps (which is fine, don't bit my head off!), I think what you're looking for is a Rav.

Now, I know, you want to ask me if I've been reading your posts and repeat your sponsor requirements again. Before you do, can I ask if you have a Rav? Have you spoken openly with your Rav?

A drowning man doesn't refuse help from a life-guard because he hadn't himself survived a near-drowning.

WARNING: long thought-provoking post ahead
Cordnoy and Mark, good advice...thanks.
Watson, I don't have a personal close connection with a specific Rav.
I know that this is a problem, but it is NOT easily solved.
I got very close a few different times, but no cigar.
Then, drifted away from each one.
I started listening to the Rabbi Shafier 12-part Fight series.
Possibly he can turn into my Rav. I don't know.

Each time I broached this topic, which was super embarrassing, I didn't get any real resolution.
I learned with a Rav sources inside, for many weeks, when I was single. 
Another Rav told me to hurry up and get married, when I finally opened up.
A third said I should focus on all that I'm doing right (I think so I wouldn't get depressed).
And a fourth said just keep learning Torah.

My best bet, I think, is to find someone LIKE ME who can help me.
This is exactly what I want to do for someone like me who signs up for the 90-day chart and starts a forum post in a year or two!
 I don't think I'm a leprechaun that is all alone. There is a spectrum of 1 to 10 for this subject, whatever you want to call it. Everyone is on the spectrum.
A "regular frum guy" is a 1, 2, or 3. He solves his own problem, maybe struggles a little, but gets past it. It doesn't linger for years.
Next, is the frum guy with a real problem.
He struggles to do teshuva and stop, but isn't able yet to make it stick. He is a
4 to 8 who is struggling with problem behavior for years and has trouble breaking bad habits.
I put myself in this category as a 6.
And then there are frum guys who are a 9 and 10  and are addicted to these behaviors.
It seems very likely that there are people out there who are a 4 to 8, who have finally got this under control. They have passed the nisayon for good and can help me do the same.
Now, if there was some Rav who was a 2, but he was known to really be able to help guys out, then, of course, I would go to him. Why not.

I don't think I am hysterical about the non-addicts and the addicts. 
There is a difference in language and a difference in outlook between the 2, which is evident in at least one response to just about every one of my posts.
---------------------------
I told Dov something worth sharing here: I feel that it sucks to be a 6. The 1, 2, and 3 guys solve their own issues without many problems when they are 18-21. They can say that they are "clean" for 19 years. 
And the 9 and 10 guys know they are powerless to solve their addiction. They go to meetings, surrender, work the 12-steps, and some like Dov, can also say that they are "clean" for 19 years.
But what about me! HOW do I get out of the mud finally without backsliding, so that I can say that I too am "clean" for 19 years? (I think he was stumped. I don't remember him having an answer for that, other than saying wow that's an interesting thing to think about. I've never heard it put that way.)
Anybody have any ideas for me?

guardyoureyes.com/the-gye-program/20-tools

There are many who come on to this site explaining why their situation is unique.

Join the club

cordnoy wrote on 22 Nov 2016 22:31:


And they're all right that it is, and all non-unique in being unique because so is everyone else.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 20 Nov 2016 19:15:

So you've been here long enough to discover that it definitely was

Have you read a bunch of Dov quotes (see below)?

Many many guys come to gye to get out of the porn hell hole, that we were sinking into
more
   and
      more

By the question you asked in the post I quoted here, and your user name, apparently that may not be your situation.

Are you here only for repentance services (Sunday's at 11am sharp)? 

Seems life isn't out of control for you

 Baruch Hashem  

And one of the reasons everyone thinks their situation is unique is because it can be used as an excuse to avoid recovery.

And by the way, if you decide to read my old posts, I also thought/think that my sitch is different than others.

cordnoy wrote on 22 Nov 2016 23:33:

Hell yeah. I relate a lot to what Cords has said in this thread.

Shlomo24 wrote on 10 Oct 2016 14:04:

Gevura Shebyesod wrote:

We all suffer from chronic bugs and issues

Another clean day...Boruch HaShem.
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Everyone is an individual, but his problems are not unique.
There seem to be 3 main groups.
The guys who are 1, 2, and 3 (on the spectrum).
The guys who have more of a lingering, entrenched bad habit 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.
The guys who have an addiction 9 and 10.

Of course, if a 6 is drowning and can be helped by someone, he doesn't care what number they are.
But, I think it's far more likely that someone who is in the same group will have the capability and the right tools needed to help the person. He will be more able to understand the other person and be able to help him break free based on his personal experiences breaking free himself.

Markz wrote on 23 Nov 2016 04:37:

Bugs are also a chronic issue.

hi Yosef TH,
I have been following your thread and the conversation. 
How about telling us a bit about yourself. How you started with the porn and masturbation (and any other aveiros you might have been referring to) how it has affected your life, why you want to stop. 
Then let us know what kind of things trigger your falls and your porn binging. 

The more you open up on this anonymous forum where no one will be able to figure out who you are, the more you will slowly get in touch with your inner world. The honesty of sharing will help you understand yourself better (And others will understand your struggles as well and can give you tailor made advice to your specific situation) 

GYE opened me up to brutal honesty and my life has changed forever and continues to do so,  as the honesty constantly gets to a higher and more internal level. 
there are many different people that hang out on these forums. with many different experiences. It is a shame to keep trying to limit yourself to a specific kind of sponsor. Many people have different matzavim in life. sometimes things are harder and sometimes easier. sometimes it is the addiction hitting us or them and sometimes it is just a habit. sometimes it is loneliness and sometimes frustration and sometimes ego. 
If you just start sharing what is really happening in your life, there is bound to be someone who can relate to some aspects of your struggle and share what worked for them, 
Keep posting, open up, and the chevra will guide you as a team to learn how to live life, and not always be constantly fighting with yourself. (Maybe you call it the yetzer hara but he is really a part of YOU. you have arms legs heart, and  a yetzer hara and a yetzer tov but i digress) 
hatzlocho
Keep Up The Good Work!!!!
una