MAZAL TOV YOSEF
may you continue growing with hashems help.
wow that was a surprise i lost track of where you were holding amazing to think that you are doing so well even though you are having a hard time finding something to do that you feel works for you hope you are not having to white knuckle to much..

singing: why does one day at a time not workk for you?

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 25 Jan 2017 11:48:

You can make a 90 day chart for that

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 23 Jan 2017 18:24:

How were the calls on days 2 & 3?

Congrats on 10 days.

Summary of Gibbor's latest amazing post with 2 main moves to succeed long-term:
1. accepting imperfection and faults to reduce your level of stress and become more relaxed
2. accepting HaShem's will, instead of being on edge, tense, and angry your will wasn't being done
Stress leads to acting out, so becoming calmer, made the urges to act out less frequent and less intense.

Thank you, Gibbor! This is what I've been asking for. Hopefully, others will take your lead and share as well what has worked for them. As you wrote, it's good for us to read it AND it's good for you to write it!

"In general, I found that low self-esteem and perfectionism were big problems for me.  I took myself too seriously.  I was too tense.  I assumed that being very exact about doing mitzvos was a positive thing.  I didn't realize that much of it was just my perfectionism.  I don't want to be bad (low self-esteem speaking), so let's try to be perfect, so I will never do anything bad (perfectionism).  That causes a lot of stress on both me and my wife.  Stress leads to acting out.  Especially when I upset my wife.  That type of stress, definitely leads to acting out.  I found Dr. Sorotzkin to be very helpful.
I also joined Dov's phone call, and did a first step inventory.  Being able to admit my faults out loud and not die from it helped me a lot.  I also learned to discuss my faults with my wife (not all acting out related).  It helped me to accept myself as I am, and I became more relaxed.  To my surprise, my wife also accepted me as I am, and now we had open communication which made us feel much closer. Paradoxically, as I accepted imperfection and faults, my self-esteem and confidence grew.

kol mah deavid Rachmana letav avid".  Let Hashem run the show.  Now, instead of being on edge and getting angry because "I" need to learn and one of the kids is misbehaving. I was able to calmly say to myself, "what does Hashem want from me now"?  Obviously, to take care of my child.  The learning will have to wait.  I would read a book to my child and instead of yelling because "my" learning was interrupted, I just had a wonderful bonding moment and solved a chinuch issue at the same time.  This was a major attitude change for me, and a real game changer for my recovery.
Many times, I'd be tense because "I" need to make barchu.  "I" need to learn.  Focusing on what does Hashem "need" from me is a subtle but powerful attitude change. (I don't claim to always do this. Not even close.  But I'm aware of it, and even small changes, can make a big difference). I became much calmer, and naturally, the urges to act out became less frequent and less intense.

It's good for me to review this once in a while, so thank you
(and you know who you are) for motivating me to write this out.
I hope it helps someone. It definitely helped me!"

Thanks.  I'm glad you liked it.

Yosef, beautifully written! So many quality ideas. Being open on Dov's call is super. That's real humility. May Hashem help you grow more and more.

Watson wrote on 25 Jan 2017 18:13:

This is a significant question, please don't ignore it.

You showed tremendous willingness by calling on Monday. The question is, are you prepared to stick with it until you see progress, or do you expect instant results?

I do hope you're prepared to have patience with this, or any other plan. As I've said a few times, there's no on/off switch, it's a journey. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you'll see progress.

1. meeting with someone to help guide me

2. forum and email posting

3. exercising 

4. long Arizal krias Shema al hamita



 He did not mention 12 step Duvid Calls. He's of the opinion iirc that they can be detrimental to non addicts.



 

He said live meetings were bad for him, the phone conferences are very different, much lighter in tone.

I just want to know from Yosef himself if it's something he's willing to stick with. For all I know he's called every day, that's why I'm asking.

I only called the once.
It doesn't seem like a good fit for me, like I said.
I am willing to read parts of the big book, that the calls are based on, 
(which I've also said, since I like to have an open mind).
I haven't done that yet, though. Nor have I started to say the long Shema either.
I am moving forward.
Slow and steady wins the race.
I told Guard/Yaakov that I would read the guidebook and attitude book cover to cover...
and I will. Calling on Monday was to get a flavor of the 12-step phone conference, which I did.
Once I read parts of the big book, I'll get more of a real feel if it will be good and work for me.
Then, if I feel the calls will help me, I won't hesitate to call in.
The new cycle starts after Pesach.
I didn't know how to respond yesterday, so I just didn't.

Yosef, you're a mature guy making decisions on your own, which is what we all do

Just next time if you slip or fall or get dunked c'v sometime soon and come back to ask for sageous advice, you may not get much, even if you ask persistently from specific members

Stillgoings signature is relevant to us

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 26 Jan 2017 11:45:

Can you explain what discomfort you have with the phone call? My personal experience is that the phone calls are very beneficial. I am curious why you wouldnt want to gain from this amazing tool which has amongst many other tools been set up for us at no cost (G-d bless GYE). Maybe rethink it. Continued hatzlocha!

Mark, what the heck does that mean? (not rhetorical)
HHM, I'll give it more thought after reading parts of the book, that's all I meant.
It's a huge time commitment, and I don't think it will be helpful for me.
It's not that much of a surprise, as it's geared for helping addicts.

'f it's uncomfortable, 'means it's growth. r'member that.

II think that some are tryin' to control yosef's situation.