This thread is an unhappy merry go round.

You ask for help. You dismiss what people say. You ask for help. You dismiss what people say. You ask for help. You dismiss what people say. You ask for help. You dismiss what people say. You ask for help. You dismiss what people say.

When does the merry go round end? How many quarters did you put in there?!

Watson wrote on 19 Jan 2017 20:13:

Watson you are right and wrong

As I wrote on the previous page we (at least I) come here with baggage

Yosef is on a merry go round - True
But something / someone other than himself gave it a big push

He doesn't know how to get off
His head is spinning

MOMMMMMYYY!!!!

WAAAAHHHHH!!!!


Yosef you have it within you to jump off and join cordnoy
One (big) step at a time 

I have to admit I didn't read every post.  I was a couple of pages behind.  Una had a very good post.

I think you have gotten many good suggestions.  It's up to you now.  No one can recovery for you.  We can only share our experiences, and what worked for us.

Personally, as wonderful as mussar and extra tefillos are, I have yet to find someone one GYE say that it was the extra mussar, tefillah, mikvah, fasting etc that helped them.

Reaching out to real people can help.  Working on relationships with spouse and/or friends can help.

Finding something positive to be busy with can help.

Practicing a change in attitude can help.  When things are stressful, you can think.  "I am not in control, Hashem is in charge, Hashem loves me, all I can do is try to do his will to the best of my ability and he is in charge of the rest etc. etc."  Making those thoughts into habbits can help.

The coach can give advice, but you have to get in the game and hit the ball. 

I think you are trying too hard.  Simplify a bit.  Try a couple things, especially ones that are harder to do.  I don't mean fasting.  I mean things that you have a natural resistance to.  Those are usually the things that really help.

Take responsibility for your recovery.  Try a couple of things.  See what works.  Don't try to do too much at once.

That is my stream-of-conciousness advice.

IF you read only the bold words, there are 120.
Mark,
What were your reasons? Can you briefly give them to me here?
(instead of saying read a whole long thread)

Asking a sensible, Rov, who understands these things AND me
is in the "nice idea, but not actionable" category.
I don't have such a person I can call.
Disclosing everything is a good idea. But what does that mean? Should he read these 300 posts?
Who is a big, sensible Rov who would agree to do that?

Just like I've written concrete things I've tried, if you can give me concrete, well-defined things I can actually do that will help me, then I will do them (bli neder). 

But, to introspect and figure out underlying reasons why I feel the need to escape and self-soothe,
and then figure out how to meet those needs with some other fulfilling (but not destructive) activities,
sounds nice, but I don't know how to do it...so it gets filed away under "nice idea in theory" but I can't act on it. Please help me also with Tool #5.

Is everything here on this website just a bluff...and only going through the big book, white book,
phone 12-step meetings, live 12-step meetings, admitting you are powerless and an addict,
and forget all the teshuva talk, you are sick and need to get a refua like chemotherapy,
is going to help??? That can't be!

At the entrance to twilight zone...someone please pull me back.

Markz wrote on 19 Jan 2017 20:44:

Why me?

BesidesI, my life is such a mess right now, I don't think anyoneI will gain from my paddle boat.

I'd like to say one thin' about this threadI and specifically the last three pages, and I don't believe it was said yet: Yosef, perhapsI you should keep doin' what you're doin' andI move da Hell on! So, you get urges!? Maybe you even caught a glimpse of an elbow and you even looked again. Perhaps you even clicked on a link of princess Elizabeth or one of her friends. So what? Just stay on the damn road and keepI pumpin' gas! Perhaps you drive a telsa, so then find theI nearest chargin' station. Like I wrote in my first post on this thread I believe, justI breathe! Stop pantin'! Stop thinkin'! Stop hyperventilatin', and everyone else should as well. Stop waitin' for gevurah to respond to your so well thought outBAD WORD REMOVEDin' post. Don't do anythin different. Fast when you please. Listen to shmuezer when you want. Post, read and learn mussar. Keep doin' the 56 items on your list or skip 20 if you want. What is all the screamin' about?

i was gonna say something but cordnoy took the winds out of my sails a bit. He has a good point. 
however i will go ahead nonetheless being that yosef asked me to comment personally. 

It seems to me that you narrowed it down to two things as you agreed to in an earlier post. 
1.You have to change you attitudes. And you described ways to do it. 
2. You have to find alternative escapes. This is the harder one. However, the trick is to learn how to live life without escaping. Focus more on living life and dealing with things that are going on in your life and you will need to escape less and less. 
You already mentioned previously about taking walks, playing games with your son, going on dates with your wife, and listening to music and breathing, (hey whatever happened to DMS123456? we need to get him back to do some major breathing coaching) 
These are all wonderful things. If your need to escape is less and less, then these things may do. 

Also if you would of spent half the time you did trying to figure out what is going on here on dealing with the few things that are sitting on your psyche and causing you to escape, you would have been halfway there already. Get yourself together and just take the few minutes it really needs to get those things done. 

One more point, if what you are looking for is how finding alternative methods to relax/escape, then you really have to turn inwards and think for yourself. Don't ask us ask yourself. What did you do before you got a computer? What do you really enjoy doing? 
We can give you ideas, yesodos of recovery, chizuk, and challenges, but until you start turning inwards you will never get of the merry go round.

cords thank you for saying what needs to be said i feel that everyones frustration here comes from a good place and all want to help and be helped and we all should continue trucking or sailing and any other cute ways of saying it we are all here to help and give each other chizuk 

one other point why you? because of your age and experience you have the most to give also you are the moderator :-)
Love y'all

B'hatzlacha

He kind of took the wind out of my sails too.
Still, I've been told rather bluntly that I'm doing everything wrong.
That I'm not listening and following the program. I'm going the wrong direction.
But then, I list all the things I'm doing...that are coming from the gye ideas/tools/book/website itself.
And ask for whatever other specific, concrete things I can do, that can help me.
Then, I'm told to go to 12-steps meetings, read the big white book, stop fighting and surrender.
Or I'm told to follow the gye book/tools/system (which I am currently doing).
Then, when I say that I'm not addicted and don't have a Rov who would understand my problem and be able to help me. Please give me something that I can actually do that will help me succeed.
I'm open to suggestions. Then, I'm on a merry-go-round, not willing to listen to people's advice.
Then, to top it all off, Cord says keep doing what you're doing, what's all the fuss about?
But the fuss started because I want to succeed and was told that I'm somehow going about it all wrong!

I wish I did have an understanding Rov who could help me, and I would never post here again.
Well meaning good guys, each and every one of you....but extremely frustrating,
confusing, and largely unhelpful (to me personally).
I feel no closer than I was in November to breaking free.
And that's a problem. 

"Also if you would of spent half the time you did trying to figure out what is going on here on dealing with the few things that are sitting on your psyche and causing you to escape, you would have been halfway there already. Get yourself together and just take the few minutes it really needs to get those things done."
 You are right!
This weekend I will do it.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 19 Jan 2017 23:02:

Seems to me you are alot closer. You are finally starting to realize what you really need to do to break free. keep up the good work and don't anybody get you down, 

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 19 Jan 2017 23:02:

Not everything. You're doing plenty right. Carrying on despite the frustration for one.

Several people here have written wonderful and clear posts. IMO it's your disease that's creating all this doubt and confusion, not us. 

Take it easy, follow others' suggestions and stop thinking so damn much.

Don't blame this on anyone.

ThisI is all on you.

You brought it on.

Read your posts (if you can).
I did these 16 things, but....
I worked five ways, but....
I spent four hours, but....

Then, you ask, "what am I doin' wrong?"
So people respond.
And you argue.

You fell once since you joined this site.
Just continue on whatever path you charted for yourself.

Watson wrote on 19 Jan 2017 23:17:

No, don't follow their suggestions.
Just do as you very well damn please.

cordnoy wrote on 19 Jan 2017 23:21:

That's fair. But if someone has eaten their cake, don't expect me to help them look for it afterwards.

"if someone has eaten their cake, don't expect me to help them look for it afterwards."
Is that some famous expression where you come from, or did you make it up?