I am 22  years old I have been struggling with my addiction for about 10 years now and have a small gaps of success but nothing more than about a month but I will be married in about a month and a half . I feel terrible to keep this up . It feel so ingenuine to do it and be talking to my Kallah a hour later but I really love her and I want to kick this habit for good . So I'm starting my ninety day journey now . This is so serious I can't afford to keep failing . But I want sobriety more than anything . This addiction I feel has been the cause of all my problems in my spiritual and personal and professional life . I'm just sharing because honestly at this point I'm writing this message with tears begging hoping pleading with God that he helps me with this. I hope that by sharing my experience it helps my recovery 

Welcome!

Mazel Tov!!

hakohen10 wrote on 09 Nov 2016 14:12:

Welcome

MazelI tov

You write "more than anything."
Do you really mean that?

For years, I wanted sobriety more than anything except my addiction. I couldn't live without it.

Problem was....I finally figured out that I can't live with it either, and that is when I took it to the next level.

What can you do now that will demonstrate that you truly want it more than anything?

B'hatzlachah

I feel you. Welcome. Hatzlacha Rabah.

Thanks you guys so much I'm not sure what this exercise gains but I sure hope it helps .

hakohen10 wrote:

Cool

Are you taking up cordnoys recommendation?
What exercise are you referring to?

Maybe ask your chassan teacher what he suggests

II was wondering the same thing.

Exercise was on a different thread, I think.

Welcome!  Read the handbook.   Keep posting.  I was in your position until I got caught more than 10 years into my marriage.  B"H, I'm sober for 7+ years now.  Commit to do whatever it takes, no matter how uncomfortable.  Do you have a rav/rebbi you could discuss it with?

Keep posting here.  We know what you are going through.

I understand what you're going through. I'm also 22, and i've had an addiction basically since i was bar mitzvah. Iy"h Hashem should give you the ability to overcome it and live a harmonious marriage.

B'hatzlacha rabba.

Just keep it up. Community, integration, we're here for you. And make active steps. Work the steps. Consider the 12 steps (you've been fighting it for 10 years now? Maybe counting isn't gonna be enough. 10 years in, you're in tenth grade. And counting is for kindergarten...)

Singularity wrote on 16 Nov 2016 09:47:

1. No he hasn't been counting on the 90 chart for 10 years
2. And even if yes, a guy his age that joins gye, when many others are joining other "Mature" websites, is to be commended for his immaturity
3. I like being Shabbos Tatty and dancing to Uncle Moishy, so please don't offend my species

Singularity wrote on 16 Nov 2016 09:47:

Your energy is great, Singularity. You remind me of myself a year ago when I was telling everyone to get into 12-step or see if they're an addict. What I have learned is that people will ultimately make these decisions by themselves and trying to change others hasn't been effective when I tries. C'mon, he's 22 (Ironically I'm 21) and I have many friends that struggle with porn and masturbation but aren't addicts. He says he's an addict but I'm not sure he knows what that means.

Hatzlacha to all.