Today is 206!! b'H!!
Thank you Hashem for everything. It is impossible to thank You enough for all of the help and assistance you provide to me in my life, But thank You nonetheless. I hope to grow in my hakars hatov and recognizing all the good that I have as well as all the good that Hashem and people around me do for me.
I have to confess, I just read my entire thread again. For the first 75% percent of it I was like, "who is this smiley guy. He's just way too happy" Of course I have been trying to resolve some issues in my mind and been a bit down lately so that explains that comment. I will say that, being the above mentioned smiley guy I know what was going on for him in terms of having lust cravings, physical erections out of nowhere, and wet dreams. But the enthusiasm in which he/me accepted them and kept going is really outstanding. Wow!
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/smile.png)
(not to toot my own horn
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/wink.png)
)
Another thing I noticed in rereading the thread is that some of what I wrote in my most recent posts in terms of the two dimensions of ODAAT, one of which not previously considered. Is a LIE. I had considered the surrendering future events one or two pages previously in several posts. So that part of my thinking was a bit crooked. (need to watch out for that sneaky brain glitch )
@
singularity: I will see how it goes. Probably forum is not the best, most likely a PM or something. I have to talk to a rebbe of mine in terms of what is the appropriate way and what should be discussed and shared with others. (even him). So I'll keep you posted.
@IHAVEnoSTRENGTH:
I think we have to give up on the idea of reaching a point where we don't have any cravings. These habits are very deeply ingrained in alot of us. They don't go away so quickly.
What's most important is learning to deal with them, each in his way.
I'm not sure the cause is important. It implies that once dealt with these cravings will magically go away.
Perhaps it's best to merely find a method that helps you bring back a feeling of serenity and well being into your life, bypassing the need to identify and address each and every problem (most of us have many and it's easy to get lost in them. I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't work on our issues, but merely that the proper time to do so isn't when you are stressed and overcome with lust).
My method these days is music. I set the timer on my phone for a half hour, close my eyes and pay attention. I tell myself my problems will still be there in a half hour and give myself permission not to think about them.
I think this is a big part of my issue. I don't have peace on the whole thing yet. That is I have not sorted out normal sexual behavior, attraction, arousal, and interaction and how it is different from LUST? I think once I get more clarity on some of these things and how to look at this in the RIGHT way, then I'll be able to accept it more easily and learn to live with it, as it slowly fades over years. IT took about 10 years to get in, it should take about that long to get out. One big difference between the going in and the getting out is that I didn't work to put it in my head, I am working to get it out so maybe it won't take 10 years. But even if it takes a lifetime, that is okay too.
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/smile.png)
At this point it's up to Him and I just have to do my part which I am still figuring out more exactly.
(man! emotions are really complex things. I have only really been addressing my emotional side in like the past six years or so, and more intensely in the past six months here. It's not easy for someone who spends a lot of time trying to rationally solve problems, to be dealing with a problem that is so different) But hey! It's an opportunity for growth, and I'll take it!!
Thank you guys once again for the chizuk!
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/smile.png)
If I believed in myself as much as everyone else around me and on this forum it would really be something! IMY"H I will reach that point.
So that is that, before I close, I have one last share...
I Wednesday, I had an AMAZING day. (maybe it had something to do with me crying my eyes out to Hashem in mariv the night before. I just cried in pain at feeling so overwhelmed by this challenge and I surrendered in a real powerlessness. I said if Hashem doesn't help me then there is nothing that I can do.)
I was literally 'MR. Happy" for the day. Everything, was taken in stride, I did a lot of chessed, interacted with all kinds of people (men, and women) in a sober and energetic fashion. I studied a lot for my upcoming exams and it was great!!! I just kept smiling and trying to live
NOW. That was my main focus. If I was sitting somewhere waiting for an appointment with the bursar, I was like, 'what can I do now to take advantage of this moment.' it was very powerful. (I walked almost double my usual pace the whole day). I'm sure everyone's had at least one day like this. I've had several b'H!!!!
But I think that it was a freebie from Hashem. Showing me that true the cravings are very hard, and painful, but if you live like this, you won't be in pain, and life not only won't be unbearable, but it will be full of energy and happiness. The next day, I was in that mood about 30% of day. But that one was on ME. So I just need to keep stepping it up one day at a time and build on the previous.
Let the trucking* continue!!! and may everyone of us have an amazing shabbos!!!
Sorry for another long post...
Warning: Spoiler!trust me, I'm not getting paid by the word. ![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/wink.png)
*please talk to Reb Markz for the halachic heter for trucking on shabbos!!