Hi guys
Im feeling the damaging effects of giving in to my drug , i spent my vacation feeling sorry for myself and giving into lust and watched how lust/porn burned bridges at work, with family and friends, in school,religion and in life in general. I feel like i destroyed the last three years of work i put into the company i work for and the work i put into my connection with god and bettering myself , facing this was the biggest reason i was escaping into lust(vicious cycle).

I have been feeling real guilty and been finding it hard to face my HP(i know he loves me unconditionally but i still feel bad facing him), i mean i havnt davened or put on Tefilin in days since that would force me to stop and think about what im doing to myself and the "elul blues" aint helping much....

Anyways enough feeling bad for myself, Im finished waiting for life to get better by itself and im getting sober starting now

TFL

Al

Good attitude. In my experience, however, I had many moments when I committed. They didn't always last. Why will this time be different for you than the other times? Also, if you're coming off a binge, then you're probably in withdrawal so you might want to watch out for that. My withdrawal symptoms were very strong, on a physical and emotional level. 

Brother I always recommend Shlomos comments!

And I often try encourage guys to call a successful brother (see "Free Towing" page below)

But after seeing your comments and your avatar image it may be helpful also to peruse the 3rd thing that works for me

Hatzlacha!!

You are coming into this task with a good attitude which is a good Richter scale for success, in my opinion at least.I believe it's a great idea to think of it one day at a time as opposed to a 90-day journey.
Good luck,
360gye

Markz wrote on 07 Sep 2016 01:57:

You can definitely call me. 3045047726.

Welcome back.

HP is right there with you when you are acting out. That's how far his unconditional love goes. He loves you so much to be there when you are in the mud, imagine how much he loves you now. 

Just to mention, as you probably know, guilt hasn't helped most of us in any way. It's a bunch of baloney. I don't feel guilty to masturbate in front of Hashem, but I feel guilty to put in tefillin in front Him. For me that would just be total dishonesty. The first step of the 12 steps is honesty. 

I hear you.  I wish you hatzlacha.

serenity wrote on 07 Sep 2016 16:21:

Maybe for you. I felt guilty masturbating in front of God. 

I think you may have misunderstood my comment. Of Course I felt guilty when I masturbated, but the guilt didn't stop me from masturbating.  I would also then feel too guilty to put on tefillin. I now realize that is a bunch of malarkey and completely dishonest. The guilt doesn't stop you from masturbating so stop basking in it.  For me such guilt is a total lie. Crocodile tears. But that's irrelevant, what is relevant is that guilt doesn't stop me from masturbating, but it does stop me from putting on tefillin, so it's pointless and detrimental.

Gotcha. 

Hatzlacha rabba!!

One day at a time. Guilt may make you feel a bigger void and that could make you fall in. So watch out.

Best,