Hakolhevel wrote on 03 Apr 2017 00:38:

As you obviously didn't understand my question, I will bold the words in your post that I was askin' about.

cordnoy wrote on 30 Mar 2017 13:17:

Need more of a peirush on this one..

I FELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I missed a Krias Shema!!

Decided to transform it into an exercise in deflating my ego. BH.
2 minutes 'til neitz, I asked the Chief Rabbi (yup, the Shabbos Project guru), if there was any opinion that allowed the night Shema to work before Neitz. He said no. I shrugged. Smiled, said thanks. Now he knows I didn't say night Shema. 

Early maariv's. Something's gotta give sometime...

In a way I blame Cords. and Trouble.



BH all well and good. I am grateful for my recovery. I have a wonderful wife, two beautiful kids and all the wealth one could ask for.

Singularity wrote on 04 Apr 2017 08:31:

Gee thanks.

What did I do?

What did he do?

cordnoy wrote on 04 Apr 2017 11:16:

you made the PM thread that made me go to an early mincha/maariv. Trouble made that thread that gives rights to blame others

Singularity wrote on 04 Apr 2017 08:31:

Could I have some of that wealth?

Go on a Pre-Alos 8km run. Worked for me

Things I realised over Pesach:

• I still completely malfunction when I get sick. I beat myself up and don't know how to process from one minute to the other. Obviously, such, I get very into my lust (PS I got sick second day)
• I can transform reality how I want it. I wanted to upskirt aforementioned arousing wife's third cousin when we went there for a meal and it felt like the whole world collaborated with my efforts. What a fail.
• I still want to have sex and / or do all depraved, lustful and gratifying activities with any woman / womanly-looking man I come across. And I hold myself fully responsible for this.

BH I have not actually acted out. I have wished to on many occasions. I feel I'm in a period of dry drunk, but I do not believe that needs to be my axiomatic reality forever.

Scared as hell going back to work. Not sure what the future holds. I wanted to have sex with myself due to the tension. I said, "Listen, going back to work might not be as bad as you're making it out to be. Why not go back, and if it really is that bad, then think about masturbating it away."

And I got back to work. And it wasn't that bad.

I'm still sick. A cold. And lust. but I can't do much. My wife's always uncomfortable, last stretch of pregnancy, and our kids are up every night all the time. BH I had the resolve to change our house over to normal from pesach. usually I'd just be a lazy shmo.

Haven't been to SAA for 2 weeks due to the chagim. I really need a meeting. 

Things I don't really need:

- A hotter wife
- Tons of money
- Overwhelming social acceptance

It's getting close to winter (southern hemisphere). Unlike the norm, I associate the feeling of winter, the smell of the air, the crispness of the cold, with porn, sex and depravity a lot more than summer. Actually, I am very strong in Summer BH, usually.

I went over steps 1 and 2 a lot in my head over Yomtov. I am grateful for I believe they stopped me from making things worse. 

I am also grateful I had the resolve to filter my wife's phone. It saved me in a particularly low moment.

May we be girded with strength coming to the months of lust.

Singularity wrote on 19 Apr 2017 09:06:

My months of lust were limited to the spring, summer, fall autumn and winter...

Guess people here down south are more susceptible to a bad fall

maybe it's because we're almost in bamidbar (HASHTAGFULLCIRCLE)

Thanks for sharing, Sing. So you're feeling like a dry drunk. I have felt like that many times. I have some comments if you would appreciate that. Are you open for comments?

I am if he is not.....

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 19 Apr 2017 16:42:

Ditto 

Alright, so this is for all of ya'll. I have felt like a dry drunk on many a time. But in order to improve I need to change something. "Change requires change." This happened to me about a month ago. My change was cutting out YouTube, making a daily self-care checklist, most importantly making a bedtime and an awake time, among other things. Also if one hasn't been to a meeting in a while then it's quite natural to feel that way. There's always supplemental meetings, such as phone or Skype, if face-to-face isn't available. As my sponsor says, our natural inclination is to lust. When we don't lust is when we are going against our nature. So if we aren't taking care of ourselves and immersing ourselves in program, then we will resort back to what we are inclined to do. 

Shlomo24 wrote on 19 Apr 2017 17:29:

We = me or I.