Today's update: today Baruch HaShem was actually easy. That is probably because I didn't have a moment to breath. I did go to the store but Baruch HaShem that isn't as much of a problem for me. At least at this stage. 

As for skeptical' comment I do here his point. My potential resentment of having to give her a update everyday may make all the difference. 

I do understand her frustration about not knowing where I'm holding with my getting better. I do have a hard time talking to her so I guess giving her a daily update would help that as well. Which in general would help shalom bayis. So I think I am going to continue giving her updates as long as I don't start resenting her for it. 

Miss for the therapist that will take a lot more convincing. 

Thanx a lot guys for all the advice. It really helps me. 

Please keep us posted

I am going to be holding onto my steering wheel knuckle tight as you proceed with this...
 

Trying 2 B Good wrote on 27 Jun 2016 03:38:

You don't need to convince her of anything. A married couple should have an equal relationship, not that one is convincing the other to do things their way. And not that one is checking up on the other one's behavior. Your wife is not you parole officer.

I actually think this dynamic is much more damaging for her than it is for you. It's unlikely she will see it that way. So what can you do? I have no idea. That's why I suggest you find competent advice as soon as possible. The longer you leave it the harder it will be to sort this out.

If she wants to be a parole officer, let her be a parole officer. If/when she discovers for herself that it is damaging to her, she will stop.

Worry about yourself and let her worry about herself.

Likely, when she starts seeing that she can trust you once again, she will have no need to be a parole officer any longer, and your relationship will once again be normal.


 

Not that he can do much about it (except getting someone intelligent involved), but if she is a parole officer for too long when it bothers him (unless, of course, he is told that it shouldn't bother him), there can be considerable damage done to the marriage during that time.

So now he knows what he needs to work on, right?  

We're helping our brother clear the deck of garbage / nonsensical ideas

סור מרע ועשה טוב

We hope he will עשה טוב to float his boat

He shared what he considered to do, and we gave our input on that idea

If he requests our Trucking input, we are here

Beep
Beep
 

I think I will take you guys advice a stop trying to convince her to talk to someone else (therapist/ Rebbi/ rebbitzin) because she really doesn't want to talk to anyone. So I will wait till she realizes that it it may be beneficial to speak to someone. 
As for the updates I think the reason why I think she wants updates is (I think) not as much that she wants to be my parole officer but rather to see if she can trust me. And if I continue to give her updates everyday then the updates will be twofold: 1) that I'm healing and she now knows it based on reports rather then assumption. 2) that I am keeping my word and working in shalom bayis even though it's hard for me.
i think that eventually she will stop asking for annual updates but that I think will take a while due to the amount of hurt she has because of me. 
thanx guys 

I think you're on the right track.

Hatzlacha!

skeptical wrote on 27 Jun 2016 11:50:

The damage might have been done by then.

Clearly some people here think that such a arrangement might be disastrous for your marriage and some think it might not be. All I'm suggesting is that you get proper advice ASAP. Unless I'm reading this wrong, I don't think anyone would disagree with that.

Whatever you decide we're rooting for you.

Sorry for mixing in,
But the reason Mr' trying is updating his wife is only because she caught him.
Lets say that she believes him when he updates her,
but what would she think when he doesn't.

best wishes

 

I'm very very makpid not to lie.
But I think that I would have it very hard to disclose the truth to my wife, regarding my struggle.
Yes I have my mentor which I'm open to and share my falls

wishing you an easy recovery
 

Sorry I didn't post anything yet I was very tired!!
Baruch HaShem I had an easy day yesterday. Today so far it's going good. Not to much trouble at all!!  
Thanx for all the confidence boost guys! It really helps.

I've been through the true disaster of this kind of situation.
A LOT of it depends on how the husband deals with it..

Hey guys. Baruch HaShem I had a very good week this week!! I am going to try and post everyday from now on bli neder. It's a little hard for me to get used to the idea of posting. Sorry guys.