I'm a baseball fan and a numbers guy. And the numbers we discuss in baseball are typically percentage-based: Batting average, OBP, slugging percentage,... The numbers that represent actual occurrences are typically noted only when they are outliers. Hank Aaron's homeruns, Ricky Henderson's stolen bases, (don't tell the MLB that I'm mentioning this next one) Pete Rose's hits,... These are monumental feats that seem superhuman. In that second category would also be Joe DiMaggio's hitting streak, Orel Hershiser's scoreless innings streak, and Cal Ripken Jr's consecutive games played. These are superhuman feats that we never expected to happen and will probably never happen again. (See where I'm going with this yet...?)

I know I have trouble with lust. I'm a proverbial red-blooded male. It's been a problem with me for longer than it hasn't been. For me to have a significant streak would require superhuman strength which I don't have. But that doesn't mean I can't try to hit for average. I can't keep beating myself up over losing my streak when I don't have the koach in me to maintain it. That's up to Someone Else to give me that superhuman power. If He chooses to, I'll be tremendously grateful, but if not, I'll do what I can to get on base and bring in a few runs.

It's with this mindset that I'm changing my approach to the 90-day challenge. While I do hope to one day reach that tremendous milestone that currently seems so far out of reach, I have to begin by focusing on my batting average. And while I'll continue to track my streak, it's better for me to focus on percentages to keep upbeat about my progress.

I plan on updating this thread daily to track my ongoing "batting average" and welcome all to call me out if I begin skipping days. I may also reset the count every 90 days to test myself and see if I can hit better in subsequent periods and to give myself a target to beat.

As always, I welcome input from the olam as to whether this is a good idea that may need tweaking or if I should scrap it altogether.

Fan #1 has just entered the stadium

Strange there's no seats here, only parking spots

I ask you one favor - go for the home runs, but watch my nose please

I'm definitely still going for the record books, but I've noticed that each time my efforts fall short I lose sight of all the times that I was successful.  Hopefully this new approach will help me keep my focus on what I've gained over the long-term instead of what I've lost in just a moment's time.

BEHS,

Love the sports analogies; not sure about the idea though. There is such a thing as harm reduction in addiction and weaning off, but I'm not personally familiar with anyone who did it that way. The problem with this stuff is addictive so each time you indulge you're feeding the addiction and the pattern

Remember that every person with an average batting average is actually an utterly amazing baseball player who made superhuman efforts to get where they did.

I'd like to suggest that you tweak your idea a little as follows. You're shooting for 90 days and beyond, but know that there might be falls. Look at those falls as just blips and get right back up if they happen, but shoot for the big leagues!

How does one become a big leaguer? I love basketball, so it's one foul shot a time, one drill, one crossover- but shoot for greatness.

Shooting for 90 and beyond means that you're ready to shovel the driveway to shoot foul shots, ready to play in the cold, and will be the guy who turns it the lights in the gym. That's what you should shoot for, and that's what you likely can do.

Read the stories in Markz signature- there are so many people who were in all types of shape who did it. There's no reason to think you can't get there and shouldn't strive for it.

If it doesn't happen right away, tweak the follow through, change the release or the swing, but keep at it.

Workingguy,

Somebody asked the question: if I shoot for 70 days out of 90 and get to 70 in a row, will I then take 20 days off since I hit the goal for that round?  And the answer is obviously no.  If I can bat 1.000, that'd be awesome, and that is the ultimate goal.

But so far my approach has been to have a longer streak than my previous streak and that hasn't always worked out.  So each time I lose that streak I lose hope.  This is meant to take the focus off of the streak and keep in mind what I've gained thus far in the journey.  At the same time, I will keep my name on the chart and keep it updated, so if HKB"H ever gives me the ability to get to 90 and beyond, I'll gladly take it.

the plan resonates with me, as i have been doing it on a yearly scale for a few years now. last year i batted 0.887
this year will hopefully be better
one day it will be 1.000
here's my story:  
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/237032-peloni-almoni#237032
in my signature there is a link to "where do i fit in..." where a similar idea is mentioned.

Ladies and Gentlemen

Coach #1 has just entered the stadium!!

I've used many methods of counting, including this one, only I reset the game every 30 days.

Let us know how it works out for you.

Don't forget it's not about counting the day, it's about making the days count.

BEHS wrote on 29 Mar 2016 20:00:


BEHS,
I totally respect not looking at the count and not following it, and I did the same- I ignored he count bc it used to trip me up.

But let me give you a diet analogy (even though people have said they hate to compare).

If I decide that I'm going to calculate calories and that I CAN have a brownie or a steak if I eat a lighter lunch, and I ate a big lunch, just have no supper, and if supper was too big then hit the gym- it's a bad idea. All day, I have to figure out if this is the point that I will or won't indulge.

But, if I say that I'm only rating slim fast food and shakes, I know my options are limited and I can put it out of sight.

I did what you're advocating many times. But what happened is I got MUCH better- went from watching porn and masturbation several times a week to zero times in one year.

Next year was once. Next year was seven. Next year thirty five. That's when I realized I have to consider it as if I'm a diabetic and can't touch it at all, and am shooting for zero.

Otherwise, I would just figure- you know what it's been a week. Maybe it's my time; I'm feeling really edgy now.


I'm just sharing what worked for me and what I've seen here. Some people were successful other ways, and any improvement is a big plus.

But when I realized that being good 85% of the time meant I was acting out 54 days a year and probably planning to another thirty or so, hat didn't feel like it was headed in the right direction.

Not trying to convince you, so if it will work for you, go for it!!

Workingguy,

I'm not planning on ignoring the count.  I'll still keep my name on the chart and update it daily.  But when I joined GYE I thought the 90 days would be easy.  I figured I might slip a couple times, but each time I'd last longer and that will eventually get me to 90.  Unfortunately, that's not always the case.  Twice I hit ~30 and many more times I've only lasted 2 or 3.

The point of this method is this: from where I'm sitting now, looking back at the last year, I feel down in the dumps because I've been trying for about a year and a half and I've never been close to 90.  But if I actually counted the days (which I haven't) it could be that I've had 300 clean days, just 5-6 at a time, which would be an incredible feat since I probably haven't had more than 100 clean in the previous 2 years combined.  But since I've been so focused on the streak, all of these numbers are made up and I have no idea if I've actually made any progress.  It could be I've been climbing and achieving, or it could be that I have never really started.  And I find it hard to believe that that uncertainty is a positive in any way, shape, or form.

Of course I'm shooting for 0 falls ever, but I feel like it's important to know how far I've come up until now.  Otherwise, every fall feels like I've failed forever.  Every time you have to get up you're starting from nothing.  And if the goal is to get up after a fall, you want to feel like your getting up is still worthwhile.

BEHS wrote on 29 Mar 2016 21:16:


BEHS,
The main thing is that you should feel good and confident in it, because that is the best tool to help us continue climbing. Of course look around at what other people did and learn from them, but only you know what is good for you and what will work for you.

יודע צדיק נפש בהמתו
A tzadik knows his beheima, his animal tendencies and how to deal with them, and that's what you're doing here.

You should be very proud of you're progress already, and keep climbing- we're right here with you!

First day of the new count and, Baruch HaShem, no problems. He shoots and he scores. 1/1.

I decided to ponder the baseball metaphor, since it could be a powerful one. Personally, I am starting the 90-day journey today. I have been dealing with this for YEARS. It has cost me a lot, in terms of shame, and I am sure it has cost me in ways that I don't even realize or care to calculate. So jumping right in -- needed a method and needed it to be Jewish.

So, what if you considered this, BEHS, from the perspective of a pitcher, not a batter. You're not hitting -- offense doesn't matter, it's defense! Shmirah! So you are the pitcher (and your chevrei are the defense behind him?). You are going for a no-hitter, and I get it, you can't bear to hope for a perfect game. 

But get this. 34 MLB pitchers have faced the minimum no. of batters (27) without pitching a perfect game. Somebody got on base, more often than not, it was a hit, but not always, but in the end, they were retired on some kind of double- or even triple-play. Those base-runners are where you slip up, but catch yourself before it's too late. 

Sandy Koufax is #30. He did it in 1964. Three sets of 30, ending with Koufax Day, and you've got 90. 

Nefesh

Welcome to centerfield!

Nefesh, as a lifelong Dodger fan, you had me at Sandy Koufax!!  The fact of the matter is I've never been a good pitcher.  I can get the ball over, but I don't miss many bats.

Not that I have a lot of experience (or success for that matter) with fighting this battle, but I'm going to disagree with you on the defensive or offensive point.  I was on a group call the other week and I said something which took me by surprise.  As way of background, I'm an accountant so I've been very busy lately.  The "moderator" on the call was asking me if I'd been going through some AA worksheets he circulated and I said that since I've been busy at work and with other things in life (could be identifying information so I'll keep that out for now) I haven't had much of a chance to be very active in the recovery process.  For the time being I'm just listening to the conversations and keeping count on the 90-day chart.

Almost as I was saying the words, I knew it was a horrible approach.  I got here by being passive.  If I'm going to get out, I have to make the first move.  And the second, and all of the rest that will follow.  I have to reach out to those that can help and I have to take the necessary steps.  Now obviously our approach is shmiras ainayim, as you rightly pointed out, but in my mind defense is primarily reactive.  Defense waits for the offense to make its move and then reacts to stop it.  I would venture to say that that approach will get us in trouble more often than not.  We can't wait for the yetzer or addiction, or anything else for that matter to act on us first.

Now I know what you're going to say: a baseball pitcher is possibly the only exception in all sports to this defensive rule.  He is the only defensive player (that I can think of) to act before the offense can try to score.  But at the same time, the pitcher must engage the batter.  I don't want to engage with the addiction.  I want to avoid it.

But as I said before, I'm relatively new to this.  If someone with more experience and success disagrees, I'm more than willing to hear other approaches and learn from them.