OK, so here’s my story, before and after GYE. I discovered masturbation accidentally while I was working out. I was sixteen (later than most, I assume), and apparently, the exercise was either stimulating or otherwise causing discharge. Curious as I was, I began experimenting, and well… one thing led to another. Having been educated now as to what masturbation was, and having experienced it, I did not want to stop. Of course, I had struggled with impure thoughts before this, but I assume most guys did. And even since then, my problem has been more with impure thoughts than with pornography simply because the the latter was not always accessible. I have a strong imagination, and I usually found a movie, even rated pg or g enough to get me going. There are those of you who know exactly what I am talking about, so enough said. I was acting out a lot. A lot.
After trying unsuccessfully to stop, and only getting worse, and after going through a traumatic relationship ending with divorce (nothing to do with acting out), I decided three years ago that I just had to cut back. I was at the time deathly ashamed of speaking to anyone about this. I was on my own. Putting to use all of the yeshiva training I had regarding making kabbalos, I cheshboned like this: shabbos was from now on out of bounds. Whatever it was, it could wait until Saturday night. Each week now had six possible days, and six possible nights. That’s 12 units (“onos” for those who have learned yo”d III). From now on, 8 of those units had to be pure each week. Four were to be used for my addiction. This, I would try for a year.
After a year of successful execution, I made the following kabbalah: from now on, ten out of twelve onos had to be pure. I could use two for what I wanted.
After the second year went, baruch H’ successfully, I felt I was not ready to go only once a week, but I felt I had built enough resistence to go for a streak. So I did the following: this year, 5754 is a leap year. That means 55 complete calendar weeks from Sunday to Saturday. I accepted to be sober for the majority of weeks, from beginning to end. That means 28 weeks clean from Sunday to Saturday. Saturdays were still out of bounds.
So far, I am 26 out of 48. Plus, there have been 7 additional weeks that I have acted out only once. And since elul is around the corner, I am optimistic about succeeding this year as well.
For next year, I had come to the following realization: I can hold myself now for two weeks with some effort. Perhaps I should make my goal over the 52 weeks of the upcoming year to accumulate 30 two-week units (cheshboning 1 point for a clean two week period, and 1 point for every consecutive week after that. I am counting on elul and sefira for the “extra credit” - those days are always easier).
Then, on july 30th of this year, I found GYE. I enrolled in the 90 day program. I am closing in on one week going towards my second week. I am afraid, because this is when it gets hard, but I am also confident. I know I am not alone, and with the support of all of you out there, and a lot of divine inspiration, hopefully this next year will pleasantly surprise me, and pleasantly surprise us all as we soldier on in our undertaking.
I am open to your thoughts, ideas, divrei chizuk, etc. Anything you write me will help when I am in a dark place, so please don’t hold back!!

Welcome
There are a lot of stuff to learn on this site.
One of the things you might find about us people (or many of us) is that we are not in control....certainly until we begin to recover. You sound like you got the bugger under control....at least accordin' to your schedule. Our motto is: whatever works, so continued hatzlachah.
We look forward to hearin' more.

ok... so its been fifteen clean days and it is getting hard. i had to go on a trip this week by myself - spent nearly 2 hours on two buses and 2 trains. bumping into who-knows-what, sitting next to who-knows-what, and the fact that there was summer dress code (or lack thereof) in use, did not make it much easier. obviously i tried to look away. i am thank god very pleased with my self-restraint, but i feel weaker in my reserve. (you know, as much its poison, and we know it, it doesn't quite taste like poison does it?) and i have to take a similar trip in 2 weeks by myself.
anyone have any advice, or some general chizuk??? please???

I find that it is best not to think of these things too far in advance.

Before you go on this trip, develop a plan for the first ten or fifteen minutes.

A sefer; a book, etc. to avoid the neighborhood/crowd.

Once you pass the first ten/fifteen minutes, you can wash, rinse and lather (providin' that you have enough material). But don't focus on the entire trip beforehand, for it is too difficult.

Just my two cents.

b'hatzlachah

Welcome: stay strong keep posting. I try to use this site on my iPhone when I'm aging a hard time. I just read some of the postings on the forums, it's great stuff and it gives me chizuk.

Good luck to you

Hi to whoever is out there. I am really stuck. I am on day 81, still clean but only barely. Since friday night i have had a relentless and uncompromising urge to act out. Fantasies and thoughts wont leave me alone. I am soooo close to 90 days, and i am a sponsor. Last year 5774 i had a cumulative 300 clean days (including 33 inconsecutive completely clean weeks). But now, i am at my breaking point. I somehow cannot muster up the courage to fight no matter what i try. IF THERE IS ANYONE THERE, PLEASE HELP. I FEEL MY RESOLVE GETTING WEAKER, AND NOTHING SEEMS TO HELP. I AM SOOOO CLOSE. I have to travel tomorrow by bus and train, and that will only make it worse...anytthing, and i mean anything... please???????

Don't fight. Take a deep breath and pray to Hashem. And then smile

peloni almoni wrote:


Keep strong!

I am gonna repeat what I wrote above.

concentrate on the moment before you; not on the train ride tomorrow (I need this talk for myself as well).

Keep it up!

b'hatzlachah

Also, don't think so much about 90; it's nice, but.....

Hi there, first of all remember you are a sample of how all of us could reach such great achievements so we follow your struggle you're not alone, and most important remember HASHEM is waiting for this moment you should give it to him, don't let go he's right by your side and saying "my son talk to me tell me all about it".
I can relate to this battle easily and for ever so long, we are all humans created by him and he cares for our wellbeing every split second.
A known saying by the Lechovitcher Rebbe, if a jew doesn't believe that Hashem hears his prayers even after the GREATEST SIN! he is lacking in his Yiddishkeit, so of course if we didn't sin yet he's there to hear your prayer.

Let's all pray for ourselves and for you and others alike.

This might seem counter intuitive, but calm down. You're going to see a lot of prutzos, wearing a poor excuse for clothing, and you might jostle one of them too. Big deal. If and when it happens, then don't think about it, just go on in life and ignore it. These things happen, and the more we focus on them the worse they seem. The girls aren't thinking about you, and you don't need to think about them. Just go on the bus or train or whatever, and keep your nose in a sefer or book or whatever keeps you busy, and ignore them.

We tend to make mountains out of molehills. It isn't so hard, you've done it before and you can do it again. Just relax and forget about it.

inastruggle
Wow! What a quote and so true. Thanks inna!

dms1234 wrote:


My R"Y said years ago to me:
The media blows sex up like a hot air balloon.
All it takes is one common sense pin.....

Pischu Li Pesach KeChudo Shel Machat...

And Update Pls

Hi peloni almoni

I just stumbled on you on the 90 days chart and then this post. I only joined yesterday and am on day 1 of 1. All good so far, but 90 days is a long time and I really wanted to know that getting straight to 90 is possible as it hardly looks that way from way down here.

I just want to let you know that it really does mean a lot to people like me when we see that it is possible to achieve what we are trying. Thanks so much for updating your status positively today and good luck in the future.