OK, I'm signing in for the 90 day chart. I'm on my third day and scared.

Welcome.
Leaving behind all of our coping tools and methods of escape is truly a frightening idea. However, a bright new life lies waiting just ahead...

Welcome keep it here.

maybe you can tell us more about your struggle.

Good luck

Welcome,
I have fear of falling.
I have fear of sobriety.

Welcome to the club.

B'hatzlachah

Welcome! Yup same here, fear is a very central part of my life. I am slowly making progress ODAAT (one day at a time).

How about sharing your story with us?

Thanks, guys, for the chizuk and well wishes. I considered myself as having a low-grade problem with soft porn, mb, and gazing my eyes all over the place out in the world. After a couple of days of reading on this GYE site I can admit that I have an addiction problem. I am an addict! It's scary to say that, but I know that long periods of abstinence does not mean I am not. I want to do something about it. Someone reached out to me to become my partner. Thing is, I think he's also under the 90 day mark. Do you think that our learning Rabbi Zvi Miller's book Windows of the Soul together would be helpful and appropriate? I share a lot with my wife, but she doesn't know about the porn. I'm scared to tell her.

wantoimprove wrote:


wow wow wow that's a lot of content in one post.

1) how do you know you're an addict, what is your thought process that led you to believe that?

2) a partner is not a sponsor. a partner is a "friend" who wants to go through it with you. it would make sense that he is under the 90 day mark.

3) windows of the soul may be helpful and it may not. i wouldn't place too much hopes on it if you're actually an addict but it may be helpful for others.

4) the SA tradition (and for good reason) is not to tell family, spouses etc. all in one shot. i don't know ur matziv so i don't really have much input. one thing i can say is if telling her will do her more harm then it will help you it's definitely not recommended. in general if disclosure is going to be harmful i think it's not recommended unless necessary.

hope this helps.

Shlomo, I'll try to tackle your questions and comments:
1) Even though there can be long periods of no inappropriate internet (i.e. many months) I will get triggered and fall. I tell myself "Just this one" and see many. I say "Just another 15 minutes" and an hour later I'm still there. I feel defeated afterwards, miserable and a loser. It can affect how I am with my wife the next time we're together.
2) Sounds good; I'll pursue becoming partners with him.
3) Just browsing through the book looks like a good first step to form the partnership. We live on 2 different continents, so logistically I'm not sure how we'll communicate.
4) That's a relief. At this point I'll leave things as status quo. One small step at a time.

Wanto

I don't have much valuable to add other than well done so far and good luck going forward.
Oh and one the gye principles people have been telling me about is surrendering your struggles to Hashem I'm still working on this, but perhaps it will be useful to you as you go forward

cordnoy wrote:
I glanced over this earlier and it didn't register

I came back 2hr later and now I chap!
That was _teef

Don't we all like to stay in our comfort zone?

OK, another day. Last night I was falling asleep (jet lag still not over) so I went to bed early, 10 PM. I've been off the sleeping pills for 2 nights, so didn't need them and didn't even take Melitonen (herbal sleep inducer). To my surprise I was asleep throughout the night, woke up at 5:15 AM refreshed. I had no urge for self stimulation throughout the whole sleep cycle. I've started reading the GYE handbook and I'm on Lesson #1: STOP. So today, I commit to STOP. Hashem yaazor!

WELCOME! The handbook is a good place to start, and posting here. So, you are on your way...

Last night my wife an I celebrated our anniversary with a special dinner and then an intimate night. It was great. I woke up at 3:45 AM and couldn't fall back to sleep. Although I had just had a satisfying sexual experience, I decided to again repeat the pasuk "Lev tahor b'ra li Elokim, v'ruach nachon chadesh b'kirbi." Never did fall back asleep and eventually got up and started my day. I feel I need to be on extra precaution the next couple of days: my yetzer hara in the past has told me, "OK, you just had sex with your wife, so it won't matter if you mb a little bit right now. Go ahead and let that good feeling continue. You won't be with your wife until next week anyway." What other devices can I use to combat that stupid, self destructive thougtht?

Happy Anniversary! May this anniversary bring with it refreshed kochos to continue developing and strengthening your relationship with your wife in all areas!
You may find that with a stronger overall bond with your wife it will help to calm down your sexual tensions. Though you had a satisfying bonding experience last night, I'm talking about more bigger picture satisfaction. As in, feeling very content being married to each other and that when you think about your wife you feel very happy because of your overall relationship.
I don't know if this is helpful or not, but that's one of the things I've been trying to focus on recently - to create a happy and positive environment in my home so that we just feel very happy with each other. The weaker the overall relationship the more there's room for feelings of aloneness and for me that's very hazardous!

Shavua tov. Perfect thought for me to focus on. Thanks.