40 down. 50 to go. BH...its a small mile stone, and I've been here before but very very happy.
Surrendering the desire to Hashem, but still very much need to work on shmirat einayim on the streets and looking away instantly but it's so hard!
At the moment very much focusing on embracing every moment as one of service to Hadham which in a more general way is what I'm working on in terms of growth but that's by the by. Hope everything is good for the rset of you out there!
We continue...

41 down. 49 to go.
Feeling very lethargic today, when I'm really going and growing I do it with an intensity which means I need to recoil and recharge. Especially when tired. I'm really craving some bad food as well, I think that my will power can only be stretched so far. Still, this is now my second longest clean streak since joining the website. And it seems so long ago that I was just starting this streak. Long may Hashem continue to fight for me.
Moving on...

Pre shab message.
Has he please give me a restful shabbat and to everyone else on gye...and at this eis tsara...klal yisrael. Fight for us!

42 days down. 48 to go. Bh
Restful shabbat but feel a bit all over the place . A bit dazed. Sometimes I feel I can generate koach...right now I just feel zoned out.in general. Please hashem give me the koach to serve you!

Should have also written the 43rd day yesterday.
Oh well 43 and 44 down. 46 to go. Things are looking even. CRAZY. I'm very great full. Things are hard though at the moment. Oh well.
Still going. Sometimes, when I just want to be lazy, I struggle because it's my go to lazy activity, end up for hours on YouTube. Big waste of time.
Still tonight I will be renewing my neder before it expires in two days. Bn.
Good to do it while motivated, it's served me well thus far.

45 down. 45 to go. Aaaaghhhh! YES. YES YES YES. TG.
I haven't spoken about Sid in a while. Sid is at bay as long as I remember not to fight him but to let Hashem fight him. But these last few days my requests to hashem have become routine and SID has started to creep back in. My cheeks flush, eyes dim, and my addiction takes over with mad craving just to see innapropriate material. I just need to ask Hashem to fight it but sometimes Sid is very powerful. But thus far I've managed to ask, and BH ill redouble my efforts on this.
I've renewed my neder for two more weeks which will help. And now I cannot believe I'm half way through. So far to go and yet where I was seems like only a few days ago.
The fight continues. More intense as before, as we enter phase 2!!

Just read your thread very inspiring give it all you got don't get caught of guard with Sid!

46 down. 44 to go.
Good day as far as the fight was concerned bh.

Mucking around on my phone is a problem though, it's a significant waste of time and temptations arise. Also my filter expired need to look into it.

And thanks iwant2begood...when I get I chance I've flicked thru your stuff too...good luck!!
The fight continues

I mean another 4 days to day 50 which is the next level!! Amazing good for you were In this together

Just read your whole thread. You are an inspiration! Seriously it's scary how I can relate to you, especially the fatigue , zoning out thing... It is normal to feel that way and it may continue for a bit but it does get better I promise! I plan to keep following your story it gave me a real pump. Sid is panicking and is gonna try to bring out the heavy artillery... Stand strong and shove it back right at him. I wish I could see his face when u do. Keep on fighting were rooting for you.

ysftw wrote:
KOMT
Keep On Monster Trucking

We all have that little monster trucking with us

markz wrote:


I'm friends with the monster.

cordnoy wrote:
Not the first time I've been called that

Thanks for all the comments guys. Big help. Hope you're all doing well.

47 down, 43 to go. Bh

So the phone thing is getting silly, today I ended up following youtube links and ended up on a very unshiayich rap video. I froze, but after a good few moments remembered to surrender and broke free of the hypnosis Bh.
I need to be much more careful on this its pure stupidity.
And it's dangerous. Sid gets more desperate playing off of insecurity that perhaps I should have loads of women in my life and the fact that I have chosen a different path is based of a fear that I am unworthy.
All lies, just need to remind myself sometimes. Tough day.
Doubling down...I need to buy a filter now

But the good part is that your still clean! In my opinion I think you shouldn't be so focused on how many days left just focus on today and that itself makes it much easier good luck