M58, Houston...

Do you hear me Major Tom?

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on Unknown:

at least you gave them a hint as to what I was talkin' about.

Bigmoish wrote on 18 Feb 2016 22:03:


I wish that was what the problem was, life would be so much simpler then...Besides, while I'm not married (yet), my (IY"H sometime soon) mother-in-law is the nicest person.

Unfortunately, my problems are the more standard "Addicted to Porn and Masturbation" type. This past Thursday I had a fall, although I know what caused it (saw a trigger early in the day, it was all downhill from there). What scares me more is what happened a 2 weeks ago. I was going strong for over 30 days, no triggers or anything that I could tell, was tired and went to bed, next thing I knew I spent the next 3 hours "falling", and falling hard (it was close to a week till I could consider myself "back on track"...).

I don't even know what more I could do. Should I just give up knowing that I live an "almost" normal life? I still keep up with my life, job, learning, family, etc, just every so often I'm crazy and act out...

And yes, I'm aware that isn't an option (mainly just venting). Even though it seems like this addiction isn't (noticeably) currently messing over my life, I know it will ruin my life, my marriage, my kids, everything if I can't keep it under control. I just don't know what else to do... 

Thanks for the share

Honesty is worth more than you think

Keep on Posting

And keep on Cranking that Truck of yours!!

Praying for you.

Hey m......., 

Ill second professor Mark, Thanks for sharing.

It is totally familiar territory what you are describing.  I had those incredibly random yet insane and intense fall experiences that literally came out of nowhere.  

Sometimes the fall happens due to overwhelming pressure like a potent trigger which overwhelms us and sometimes a fall happens due to it being untirely unexpected and random, we are unprepared.  Like some folks who describe sitting at the computer and then next thing they know it they are down hells highway and they never saw it coming. 

Well,  what can you do, we're faulty vehicles yet we have a great warranty plan.  We can always pick up and carry on. 

A tiny little tip, although it may be irrelevant to you,  keep this issue in the forefront of your mind no matter how good things are going,  whenever you have a moment read a chizuk email,  check the forum,  text a friend,  give Markz a karma or whatever, just keep the radar detector hot. That helped me with the random  twitches.

Gd bless,  keep it up, and post your victories in at least as much detail. 


Ps. i am currently practicing this very strategy. this post is getting me in gear (hopefully with gds help) for motze shabbas, which is always a tough time. 
 

We feel for you and have been in that spot.
Gettin' out of isolation and into recovery helped me.

B'hatzlachah

m58yiw84niym wrote on 21 Feb 2016 02:07:

I relate to your post a lot, also a single guy. I was also hopeless before I jumped headfirst recovery. I have given up on living a "normal" life BIG TIME. God made me different than non-addicts, I can't live like them. I don't know what your situation is but regardless it is feasible that you won't be able to live normally, (not saying that it is not possible, again, I don't know your exact situation).

Shlomo wrote:


Shlomo - That was nice!

Just one perspective, which maybe some of us are forced into, is the realization that living a nomal life means dealing with life and making it manageable, even if everyone else thinks it doesn't look 'normal'

Many of us give up living the REAL NORMAL LIFE, for the sake of a superficial 'normal', and we end up the loser...

markz wrote on 21 Feb 2016 04:08:

Agreed. Which is why I put quotes around the word normal. I am living a normal life b"h. Just my normal is different than other normals.

Still clean, day 4. Going to try to be a bit more active in this community (even if not on this thread), even if only by popping in at least once a day to say 

B'hatzlacha!
a daily post seems like a great idea

Thanks for popping by

Hi m58, have a nice day