I have to take this seriously, will try to post progress and link it to my chart.

The following was written after a fall:
Had another fall!
I look back and see exactly how it happened:
1. met a vulnerable point in my day: having a work deadline and sat down to work on it late at night (tried extremely hard to finish earlier today)
2. We got a new filter (VCF) but didn't fine tune it properly yet (default block and allow particular sites) - I'm too crafty and persistent at getting around it.
3. Should have got on GYE!
4. Was not persistent on getting a sponsor or partner

took the following steps:
A. sent request to change filter settings
B. sent request for sponsor
C. went on to GYE
D. going to sleep so I can not mess up tomorrow
I have to catch this stuff early before the slippery slope begins

B'hatzlacha to all

Hi ENY

A. sent request to change filter settings
F'ilter Shm'ilter.
In my opinion you're wasting your time
Total blocking Whitelists is the only filter that works for guys like us (Like i have on my phone)
Regular K-9 filters only work for 'Mr never lusted', so he won't get exposed to porn initially.
Us guys that are looking for porn? A filter is just a cover to tell our friends we're protected, and then we can have as much fun as we want.
So I sent my filters down the utube, and have a reporting system with a trusted friend

D. going to sleep so I can not mess up tomorrow
1. I often have the same vulnerable point, and have been using a LIFELINE tool recenlty that has worked great for me, forcing me to act upon work DEADLINES in the early mornings, check it out guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/262276-THE-GOOD-NIGHT-BLOG

Every filter has advantages for certain people.

One must be totally honest with himself, and at times, that takes time; usually, one needs to come to the realization by himself.

b'hatzlachah

Wishing you the best hatzlocha. We need all the help we can get. Stay strong!

A. thanks - for me the reporting system was too easy to work around - my partner didn't take it seriously and assumed the best too much - for my issues (people are different) the higher filter settings are, so far, what I need.

D. this is intense

Thanks for the chizuk

Thanks - my needs are: 1. default no exposure to areas that cause me problems; and 2. an externally based filter (VCF) that we can work with - their staff is very helpful and responsive

ENY - I owe you an apology.

I was boiling upset when I heard Many people say 3 years ago "Internet Asifa - Shminternet Asifa. Who needs it..."
I did the same thing to you, by saying "F'ilter Shm'ilter"
Forgive me - please !

It comes down to 1 simple thing. "Respect"
'Respect' that I am not you
'Respect' that your challenges may be different than mine
'Respect' that your tools for success may be different
'Respect' that circumstances may be different, and therefore even a tool that is great may not work for you e.g. reporting, as you explained (although - you may want to take on a rabbi to be your partner as i did - just an idea)

'It is cruel' not to validate other people and 'Respect' their unique tools to deal with their difficulties, even when we lack understanding why their mind ticks SO differently.
'It is cruel' for people to say "Internet Asifa - Shminternet Asifa, Who needs it... The Rabbis are crazy..." (e.g. a friend who is BT and has unique challenges, but isn't a lust addict).

ENY
I 'Respect' you for being part of the G.reat Y.oung E.nergetic family. Keep it up!!

Thank you very much for the email - One of the three great qualities of this forum is people's ability to be straightforward with each other (the other two are honesty and mutual support).

Absolutely no hard feelings!
I thought a lot today about the challenges of being involved in a forum where people are externally dealing with similar challenges but internally coming from very different places.

b'hatzlacha

Important - not to become complacent - hold on to daily awareness - not allow for more lenient standards as a fall is a slightly distant memory

got a surprise just now -
researching a business idea on my heavily filtered internet connection and on the home page of a technical site was surprised at my reaction to a picture that for the entire world is probably commonplace - and I saw how my heart rate changed, I was simultaneously drawn towards the photo and struggling to scroll down away from it.

I wasn't looking for anything bad
I'm in a good mood
Baruch Hashem in a context of shalom bayis

Someone who quit smoking years ago told me that after all these years just seeing a pack of cigarettes causes a reaction inside him.

came across a site that wasn't filtered properly - innocuously following up a link of something parve
needed to hold kop!
baruch Hashem I blacklisted it
total siyata dishmaya that I was able to turn away and not lapse into old habits
This is a fragile period (every day is - yitzro shel adam misgaber alav bechol yom) and it was a close call

My friend, there are countless tools on this website see my signature, not to mention the 12 steps. Can you share what tools you have tried?

btw I know you considered taking a sponsor. I think that alone wouldn't necessarily work for everyone to get their truck moving forward...
All the best

Thanks for the kick in the pants.
No more dabbling.
It was a big deal for me to get on the site, take the 90 day challenge, get on the forum, read the daily mailings - but now I have to get down to serious daily work.

Please wish me hatzlacha - Beginning my 90 days again
Plan for today:
*Daily chizuk on the bus - to tame the challenge of the commute
*Apply first step, powerlessness, to my own mindset. Stop obsessing about whether I'd be defined as an addict or not because it is irrelevant - every human being needs siyata dishmaya against the yetzer hara. Lust for a non-addict is still assur, alcohol for a non-alcoholic is not.
*Get a partner even if no one responds to my request
*work on the life skills that create weak moments for me: lack of clarity about what I'm supposed to be doing at any given moment & frustration about parnassa project

I wish every one else chizuk and started sometimes inserting a tefilla for the members of the forum during Refaeinu & other places