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My not so faithful story..
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: My not so faithful story.. 7677 Views

Re: My not so faithful story.. 08 Jul 2015 22:04 #259076

  • faithful
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I had another fall today.
Need to strategize the best way to move forward from here. My current plan of just joining the 90 day chart and 'hoping for the best' clearly isn't working. I will have to do a concurrent plan consisting of multiple tools. The first thing I need to take care of before I can begin is locking down the YouTube app on my phone, which I never had locked down until since I didn't know it existed. Since I chanced upon it, it's already attributed to two falls in the last 4 days. The first one being the most costly financially (Tapshic anyone?) to date. I think I'm starting to realize that I'm a bit more addicted that I originally thought or wanted to think. Now that I'm aware of the effort this takes, I'll have to dedicate more time and energy to this. After all, there aren't many things that are higher priority for me at this point than addressing my addiction.


While trying to update my 90 day chart, I enter my fall date for today but then if I try to to make my first clean day tomorrow it won't let me save it since it can't be a future date. I don't want to enter today as my first clean day since my fall was today, so today obviously isn't my first clean day.
Do I need to wait until tomorrow to update my chart justly?
screenshot2015-07-08at5.42.13pm.png

Re: My not so faithful story.. 08 Jul 2015 22:40 #259080

  • cordnoy
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Thank you for the share.

Yes. ..you need to wait.

If you read your thread above you will probably see posters saying that you need to "do" something. Counting 90 days can be beneficial for some, but for others, it is simply counting till the day you fall again.

Bhatzlachah
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: My not so faithful story.. 09 Jul 2015 19:16 #259153

  • shlomo613
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Faithful, Thanks for the share. You're doing really well for being so on the ball with this business. Well done. Keep it up.

Re: My not so faithful story.. 12 Jul 2015 21:43 #259306

  • i-man
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HI faithful

I gotta say your story literally mirrors mine!
I completely understand what you are going through,
I also had no interest in the 12 steps ,
what i found to be really helpful was the series of shiurim from rabbi shafier
on this inyan, its available for free download at the gye shiurim section,
im not so far in to the 90 days myself and im still looking for
more things to strengthen myself i WILL let you know if any thing works really well

HATLOCHA!!!

Re: My not so faithful story.. 03 Nov 2015 02:10 #267603

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Hi everyone,

This is my first time seriously logging in the last 4 months. I'm not sure what happened, but I basically realized that it's harder than I originally thought it would be. I started the 90 day chart and fell a few times started again and the same thing happened and then I just continued doing my thing (which obviously only got worse) uninterrupted for the last 4 months.

Now that I'm back here, I really want to take my recovery to the next step and I think it's time I join the 12 step phone programs. I actually just joined my first call which the GYE calendar says is 8:30 which should have been updated to 9:30, since 8:30 is the time before they changed to EST. So while calling in I met another member from Australia who also made the same mistake. We had a nice chat and it was a good start.

I hope to join the real call tonight at 9:30pm EST. I have listened to Daniel UK's first step and I'm not sure if it would be beneficial to join the call even though they are probably in one of the later steps?

Just wanted to say Hi, and hopefully this time I'm back for the long haul.

Re: My not so faithful story.. 03 Nov 2015 02:15 #267604

  • Markz
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Hi faithful, please try live upto your name with us for 30 days, and keep truckin with us. We need all hands on deck!!!
My Story---------Dov Quotes


What works for me:
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Last Edit: 03 Nov 2015 02:17 by Markz.

Re: My not so faithful story.. 03 Nov 2015 03:17 #267610

  • serenity
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Were you on the call?
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: My not so faithful story.. 03 Nov 2015 03:29 #267612

  • Markz
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Me???
How in the world do you know I was on? I'm serious!
My Story---------Dov Quotes


What works for me:
ForumInternet Restrictions




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story
Last Edit: 03 Nov 2015 03:30 by Markz.

Re: My not so faithful story.. 03 Nov 2015 03:34 #267614

  • serenity
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I was asking Faithful.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: My not so faithful story.. 03 Nov 2015 03:34 #267615

  • serenity
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And I didn't know. That's why I was asking. You're not making any sense.
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: My not so faithful story.. 03 Nov 2015 03:35 #267616

  • serenity
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Were you on?
Much Hatzlacha!

My Threads:
Glad to be here
Don't slip it hurts
Lions & Tigers & Internet, Oh My!

--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: My not so faithful story.. 03 Nov 2015 06:35 #267630

  • Yesod
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Hi Faithful,

Nice reading your story here.

Firstly, best of hatzlacha.


I identify with your story a bit, i was focused on filters and blocks on our devices (and no Internet in the house) yet i left my internal problem unchecked, so eventually it always found a feeding hole.

I also was not into porn for the most part, yet i could get quite obsessive looking for my fix of nudity, and this was usually after typical breaks of s month or more. Doesn't make a difference if you smoke reds or lights. A pack or two packs, of you are hooked you are hooked.

The way i started seeing real improvement came by connecting with people and bringing the monster to light.

You seem to be looking forward and open to trying new strategies, so you should be proud and gd willing you'll start setting the difference in a significant way.

Lastly, as they say, just wanting to improve is nice, but it can take some real hits (rock bottom ) to really make some change happen.

See the article on the site titled "hitting rock bottom while still on top"

Best success, pal


Ps. There is a filter option in gmail that can have emails from a specific sender skip the inbox and get put in a designated folder. I have my gye emails do that, so it isnt visible to my wife when she sees my inbox, yet i can easily open the folder and persuse the gye emails anytime of day, which has helped quite a bit.

Re: My not so faithful story.. 03 Nov 2015 11:44 #267632

  • Markz
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I created a "drafts2" and underneath that a new "trash" subfolder for my private stuff.
"One man's garbage is another's..."

GYE = guardyouremail / garbageyouremail
My Story---------Dov Quotes


What works for me:
ForumInternet Restrictions




FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING
Click HERE to checkout;
100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more...
• Awesome Threads Saved for You
• Cast Your Vote

GYE Plenty Solutions
➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk

➣ Nice Trucking Story
Last Edit: 03 Nov 2015 11:49 by Markz.

Re: My not so faithful story.. 04 Nov 2015 14:58 #267755

  • faithful
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serenity wrote:
Were you on the call?


Yes, that was me.


Yesod wrote:


Hi Faithful,

Nice reading your story here.

Firstly, best of hatzlacha.


....


Hi Yesod, and thanks for your words on encouragement. I have started joining the call and I hope to continue to do so. Thanks for the idea you gave about having GYE stuff go directly to your folder while skipping the inbox.

Re: My not so faithful story.. 03 Apr 2019 15:59 #340339

  • faithful
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Somehow I chanced upon this site so I wanted to provide an update to my thread in case anyone comes across this.
Since my last post here, I've joined the regular in-person meetings since the phone meeting were not cutting it. It hasn't been a smooth ride, but I've had many ups and some downs. At the moment, I'm nearly 8 months sober by the grace of G-d, and I have many people in the program that I call on a regular basis which is something amazing. 

I think once people join a 12-step program they never turn back to this site because it seems so inadequate compared with the 'real thing', but I need to remember that it was thanks to GYE and everyone that helped me here that I came to a point where I was ready to try the 12 steps.  

I actually had a good time reading back at my thread since that way I see things today, the actions I took were so foolish (focusing on filters and passwords to the exclusion of everything else). Clearly, it has been a long journey for me and continues to be so. 
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