Hello, yesterday when I woke up I didn't want to get out of bed, I had a really strong feeling of shame and depression that made it hard to get back into regular life.
Bh slowly I got up and got back into things and had a really fun filled day. Then for some reason at night after such a good day I got this idea that I need to go check out a few videos on YouTube and down I went for a few hours. I don't know why, and I don't know what to do to prevent it from happening again tonight.

Just to fill in the blanks, I tried several times to use the taphsic and wash l each time I either find a way around it or ended up paying the heavy knas... I also tried out one of the calls and was on for a while but I feel very uncomfortable on the phone so I dropped doing that...

cordnoy wrote:
My friend taphsic hasn't worked for you, and I don't think it would for me too. Is there anything other you tried that has worked

There's one thing that has worked wonders in the past, to call someone from gye when I feel like acting out. Usually just making the call makes the whole feeling go away. But it's really hard to call...

SamJoe wrote:


Why?

why not ask hashem to help you give you the strength to call? (if u want my number you can email me or pm me, my email is in my signature)

I feel inadequate and less than everyone ave it drives me crazy when I have to interact with guys in the phone.

I don't want to sound like a koifer but talking to hashem for me feels strange and I don't feel like I get answered.

we are all in same boat, and you don't need to interact.

I know but I still feel that way, I'm working on it with a therapist.
What do you mean I don't have to interact?

SamJoe wrote:


just listen

I'm one of those that has done this "Just Listen" thing (press the mute button) and it has helped me! And I have a little suspicion that a few others have come on anonymously too - See HERE

Ok thanks for pointing that out, I'm going to see which call fits into my schedule the best and I'm going to try that out.

I finally have 24 hrs of being clean. I just got back from the chanukah break and being busy is helping to keep me clean. Tonight I started to feel like acting out again, usually I waste time procrastinate till the feeling takes me over and I dive into the depths. That's how it was going tonight, it stopped when I found a app that I was waiting for, for a really long time which made me really excited so I didn't feel like acting out anymore. But now the excitement has past and the feeling is coming back... Hope I'll pull through...

Pray tell me what app you were so excited about

It's called yousicain, they just came out with an update to teach piano (till now it was only for guitar). I'm a musician and I really like this app, and I really wanted it for piano and now they finally did it!

Omg yousician I use that for guitar too - serious!
Tell me what's your favorite type of uplifting music maybe we can virtually 'hang out' together tonight