Thanks, Lavi. And the fact that you've derived chizuk from gives me chizuk!!! Now this is a spiral I'm happy to get into...

Thanks, DMS1234! That's good advice, as usual! I'm going to try to push through, maybe, in a calm manner (?) -- if that makes any sense. I don't think I should have used the word, "push," actually. It has the connotation of white-knuckling, or fighting. I should have used a more passive term, like, "wait it out." I think "weathering the storm" works too. I was referring to just riding out a lust attack, from wax to wane, from start to finish. I don't think I've ever really done that, at least not significantly enough to remember it. And yours, and everyone else's, advice is very helpful on how to do that.

yup! But thats just the start, we also have to do something. I suggest sending a message to a fellow gyers. They usually screw my head back on pretty well.

Thanks, DMS1234 -- good advice, again. I have a few people in mind that I think could help get my head on straight.

I'm also not living up to the commitment I made to stay highly active on this site, a technique that was proving successful. I used to post here immediately after I fell; now, I wait to do it, if I do it at all.

I've slipped more than a few times since my last post, and all I've done was update my 90-day Journey (my inbox is littered with "Early Fall" emails, lest I start thinking that I'm not addict).

Thinking back to what precipitated this recent spiral, it most definitely was a moment of frustration and anger. As I mentioned before, I never considered anger a trigger for lust, and my efforts now are focused on actively curbing this emotion.

Great insight!!

By me, anger is just another manifestation of disappointment, meaning me having some sort of expectation of something/somebody and them not fulfilling that role, so I get angry, but I don't like being angry and certainly not showing it, so I hide it, causing that all too familiar double life, leading to needing a drug.....and sometimes it's much simpler, just using the drug to curb the anger.

Anyway, point being is that acceptance of Hashem's will is the key. I need to let go of my expectations of how the world is supposed to run, give that to Hashem and just deal with what He decides to send my way!!

It's a much easier life, I'll tell you that much!

Ditto Yankel. Angry is just us wanting what we want! Getting what we want. Its just like we are children and we cant buy that toy or candy. We get into an angry fit and scream and yell. Although we hide it like Yankel said those emotions are still secretly hiding within us even though it permeates differently.

When you get angry try to take a deep breath and take a 5 minute break. Walk away from the situation and go outside. Call a friend, take a breath, say a line to Hashem "Please Hashem help me" or tell him whats going on. The main is to relax. We don't act well, when we are angry.

DMS1234, I agree. Anger is a huge problem. What's worse, most people suffering from the effects of anger don't necessarily know that they're angry. I didn't. In fact -- and this just goes to show how the ego works -- I prided myself on what I thought was a genuine lack of anger. But it was there, to be sure, under the surface: anger, frustration, even rage. It wasn't until I joined GYE that I realized the direct connection between these emotions and acting out.

I would recommend every person struggling with this problem honestly take stock of their anger levels. Anger is an emotion, not an act. Just because you don't yell, or curse, or throw objects against the wall, doesn't mean you're not harboring the emotion of anger. It just means that your anger is insidious, quiet, manifesting itself in other ways.

This fits well with the Gemara in Pesachim 66b which says that one who has anger, even if it was originally decreed from heaven that he should rise to greatness, will be demoted. We learn this from Eliav who got angry at his brother Dovid for leaving the sheep to go watch the war. So when Shmuel went to anoint one of Yishai’s sons, Hashem said of Eliav, “Don’t be impressed by his looks and his height, for I am disgusted with him”. And Rashi explains that although the episode of Shmuel occurred before the story of Eliav’s anger, Hashem knew all along that he had this trait of anger, i.e. he was harboring the emotion of anger all along - it just exploded at a later time.

Hatzlacha

MT

That's so insightful, MT. Thank you.

Hey Everyone,

I'm sorry that I've been absent from the forums lately, but, B"H, it's been for good reasons.

Firstly, I've been riding my longest clean streak to date -- 23 days, so far, B"H. A modest streak, I know, and also a tenuous one (I know I could fall at any time!). However, this has been the longest that I've abstained from acting out since I was 18, hard to imagine. I'm feeling okay, and definitely noticed a positive mental shift about a week ago. But again, I am very much aware that any success I have been granted in this endeavor is not mine, but rather, a gift from HaShem, and must be safeguarded and cherished. Like I said in previous posts, this whole concept of letting go and relinquishing control is still kind of hard to grasp, but I remind myself, explicitly, every time a temptation appears that I have to "give myself up to HaShem!" So far, so good.

Secondly, My second son was born two weeks ago, around about the time I beat my previous clean streak hurdle of seven days! So, I've been busy.

Anyway, I'm eager to read up on how everyone else is doing and offer my support to whoever wants it!

Mazel Tov!!! (for you and the baby )

Mazel tov!!!!!

much nachas from you and your baby,

may the two of you grow together in your own ways,

KUTGW and KOMT!!!

Mazel tov on the baby and your streak.

Nachas from him and yourself!

b'hatzlachah

MAZAL TOV! KUTGW!

TalmidChaim wrote:
No pun intended?

Mazel tov. maybe our boys will get to play together one day in school. You never know we might be next door neighbors?
Happy to hear you are doing well.
I just thought that it says when a boy is born he is born with his kikar in his hand. The poshut pshat is that he brings parnassa with him.
MAybe we can explain al pi GYE drush, that he brings bread with him and then you have more bread for your basket. more pas besalo. So that should help keep you out of trouble. Halevay.