mvemjsunpc wrote on 04 May 2017 20:54:

Hi mvemjsunpc,
I'm sorry you haven't found a partner yet.
I also tried the partner program when I first joined GYE and I can only share my experience that trying to "create" a partner-style relationship never worked for me. What worked for me was interacting with people on the forum that I felt were similar to me and developing relationships over time.
Maybe in live SA meetings it's easier to have a sponsor assigned in a quicker fashion but I would have no idea about that.
I see you opened a thread. Maybe share some more about yourself, and gather from the responses who seems to be in tune with you.
Hatzlacha.

A bit late to the party but i finally made my contribution. 
Hope you guys saved me some woodford

So, 38 to the P and 38 to the M.

Wrong group, I know.

There is a bit of pressure to write somethin' profound (or, at least, it should make sense) for post # 10,000, especially after my dear friends Mark and Gevura threw down the gauntlet.

Truth be told, 10,000, like 90 or 38, is simply a number. Does it really represent somethin' epic? It means that I waste quite a bit of time, almost ten posts per day. Yes, perhaps there are several that helped myself and perhaps there are even a few where others were helped, but the bulk of them I'm sure were just some joke or wisecrack. There were even those that were hurtful as well. It just means that I have been here for a considerable amount of time and I have not yet gotten frustrated enough to leave for good (more on that later).

​But let us circle back to the beginnin' of this post, and contrary to most of my posts, this one will be lengthy: the Mincha thread, one that I am proud of. Why? Because it made a difference in my day and seemingly in others as well. I am an expert in selfishness. I have been doin' things for myself for decades. Always: what makes me happy. That's how I work. So the thread worked for me. Icin' on the cake was that it worked for others as well.

Recovery was different though. And perhaps it is worthy to repeat here the steps I took. You know that I don't spend much time thinkin' about addict vs. non-addict. I don't spend much time thinkin' about anythin' at all. It wasn't always like that. I came to this site by accident, of sorts. Yes, there were several decades of filth and smut in my days, but I always stopped, at least for a week or two, or more. Recovery and lack thereof did not consume my life. I was fine with the pattern. Of course, yamim noraim (mostly), I'd cry and beg and resolve to sin no longer. Some years I even threw in the towel and made a deal with God that I'll do lots of good in other areas and let's just hide this issue in the closet. 

But eventually, there was a rock bottom of sorts. That, together with a push, encouragement, threat of exposure from a woman friend of the family (whom I must have been tryin' to seduce) put me on a course of action. And that action wasn't a snap of the fingers. And it wasn't without heartache and pain. I went 90 days sober (so to speak). I engaged a long distance therapist, a professional who is recommended by GYE. I joined SA in a city an hour away from me. I was there for about eight months. I went to a local therapist/specialist on and off for about two years. I got two sponsors, one Jewish, one not. I joined calls and eventually led calls. I have been workin' the steps in some way or another for several years. I read the big book, white book, action book and 12&12. I am on my sixth cycle. And I post as well, every once in a while. 

Talkin' to live people really does wonders. Posts are different when I know the poster and they know me. It makes it more real. (This is an important point to know for anyone who spends time on the forum.) 

GYE gave me the opportunity to personally meet many fine fellows. I will list them, for I thank each and every one of them for their friendship, advice, suggestions, criticisms, etc. 
Pidaini
Lizhensk
Big moish
Gibbor (need more)
Skeptical (although we need a better meet)
DD
Unanumun
Laasos
Still going
Zemmy
Jake
Innastruggle
Lavi
Pischoshelmachat
Fresh start
RGT
Kilochalu
Misgaber
SB

I was within a hundred feet from:
Gevura
Guard
Shlomo

I have had private and personal conversation with:
Grow strong
TZ
Dov
Real simcha
Godhelp
OTR
tzomah
ShmielZ
Shteiger
Yesod
shemirashabris
Dms123456789
Yesod
Workin'guy
Laughin'man
Serenity
MoB
MarkZ
Yidtryin'harder
Chullent kin'
Trouble
Belmont
mesayin (I think)
ShmuliK
Boropark yid
Israel61320
Watson
Mggmbs
YosefTH
Appearance

I have been in touch with:
Yiraishamaim
Maayan
NIC
Aryeh
Hashivalisassonyishechaimisgabecha
Shivisi
PeloniAlmoni
DuvidChaim
Eli
Lifnei
Lomed
Shtiebel
SIB14628
Joe
Singularity
NewActin'
MendelZ
Shmeichel
MBJ

Now, what I just did is fairly dangerous (and I really need to look this over again, for it was done at several sittin's), because I probably left out a bunch of fellows, and I do apologize, but I wrote this list for two reasons: 1. I wanted to display and demonstrate the power of GYE; it creates lastin' friendships, friend who deeply care about one another. Four years ago, I knew none of these fellows and now we are best of friends. 2. Perhaps a couple of them I have helped on their journey, but one thing is certain - each and every one of them helped me on mine. I learned humility from one, commitment from another. Mussar, calmness, faith, prayer, carin', devotion, thoughtfulness, diligence, humor, assertiveness, resolve, confidence and more - are just some of the things that I try to apply in my daily life, and for that, they need to be mentioned. If I left you out, you know it was just an oversight and I sincerely apologize (and i will include in the edit- I am gettin' rushed to hit submit), but I truly thank you for helpin' out a punk like me.

And I must confess that when a fellow emails, calls, texts, WhatsApps, skypes, bumps into me and says, "Cords, you really saved my life, you truly helped me today, this past year would have been impossible without you, I didn't get that massage because of your text" yes, it feels good, and my ego makes it feel even better, but it's you guys who deserve the credit. You, who set me straight to begin with, you, who showed me my flaws, you, who convinced me of my egotistical, self-centeredness, you, who paved the way for me, and you as well who gave me the opportunity to give back, to keep me honest, to constantly share life's struggles and mine in particular, so thank you.

So, in conclusion:

There might be ten thousand reasons to let you all go
There might be ten thousand reasons to just quit the show
About ten thousand reasons

If I had a highway, I would stay in my truck
If the coffee wasn't bitter, we'd be all out of luck
But you're givin' me ten thousand reasons
Givin' me ten thousand reasons

I bow down to pray
I try to make the worst seem better
Lord, show me the way
To cut through all this worn out leather
I've got ten thousand reasons to walk away
But baby, I just need one good one to stay

Posters stuck in a cycle, they look off and stare
It's like they've stopped breathin', but completely aware
'Cause you're givin' me ten thousand reasons
Givin' me ten thousand reasons

And if by mistake I say something that iI might even mean
It's hard to even fathom which parts you should believe
'Cause you're givin' me ten thousand reasons
Givin' me ten thousand reasons

Baby I'm bleedin', bleedin'
Can't you give me what I'm needin', needin'
Every heartbreak and fall and sickness makes it hard to keep the faith
But baby, I just need one good one
Good one, good one, good one

Baby, I just need one good one to stay, to stay, to stay.

And that good one is you.
Yes, you.

So, 38 to the P and 38 to the M.

Wrong group, I know.

There is a bit of pressure to write somethin' profound (or, at least, it should make sense) for post # 10,000, especially after my dear friends Mark and Gevura threw down the gauntlet.

Truth be told, 10,000, like 90 or 38, is simply a number. Does it really represent somethin' epic? It means that I waste quite a bit of time, almost ten posts per day. Yes, perhaps there are several that helped myself and perhaps there are even a few where others were helped, but the bulk of them I'm sure were just some joke or wisecrack. There were even those that were hurtful as well. It just means that I have been here for a considerable amount of time and I have not yet gotten frustrated enough to leave for good (more on that later).

​But let us circle back to the beginnin' of this post, and contrary to most of my posts, this one will be lengthy: the Mincha thread, one that I am proud of. Why? Because it made a difference in my day and seemingly in others as well. I am an expert in selfishness. I have been doin' things for myself for decades. Always: what makes me happy. That's how I work. So the thread worked for me. Icin' on the cake was that it worked for others as well.

Recovery was different though. And perhaps it is worthy to repeat here the steps I took. You know that I don't spend much time thinkin' about addict vs. non-addict. I don't spend much time thinkin' about anythin' at all. It wasn't always like that. I came to this site by accident, of sorts. Yes, there were several decades of filth and smut in my days, but I always stopped, at least for a week or two, or more. Recovery and lack thereof did not consume my life. I was fine with the pattern. Of course, yamim noraim (mostly), I'd cry and beg and resolve to sin no longer. Some years I even threw in the towel and made a deal with God that I'll do lots of good in other areas and let's just hide this issue in the closet. 

But eventually, there was a rock bottom of sorts. That, together with a push, encouragement, threat of exposure from a woman friend of the family (whom I must have been tryin' to seduce) put me on a course of action. And that action wasn't a snap of the fingers. And it wasn't without heartache and pain. I went 90 days sober (so to speak). I engaged a long distance therapist, a professional who is recommended by GYE. I joined SA in a city an hour away from me. I was there for about eight months. I went to a local therapist/specialist on and off for about two years. I got two sponsors, one Jewish, one not. I joined calls and eventually led calls. I have been workin' the steps in some way or another for several years. I read the big book, white book, action book and 12&12. I am on my sixth cycle. And I post as well, every once in a while. 

Talkin' to live people really does wonders. Posts are different when I know the poster and they know me. It makes it more real. (This is an important point to know for anyone who spends time on the forum.) 

GYE gave me the opportunity to personally meet many fine fellows. I will list them, for I thank each and every one of them for their friendship, advice, suggestions, criticisms, etc. 
Pidaini
Lizhensk
Big moish
Gibbor (need more)
Skeptical (although we need a better meet)
DD
Unanumun
Laasos
Still going
Zemmy
Jake
Innastruggle
Lavi
Pischoshelmachat
Fresh start
RGT
Kilochalu
Misgaber
SB

I was within a hundred feet from:
Gevura
Guard
Shlomo

I have had private and personal conversation with:
Grow strong
TZ
Dov
Real simcha
Godhelp
OTR
tzomah
ShmielZ
Shteiger
Yesod
shemirashabris
Dms123456789
Yesod
Workin'guy
Laughin'man
Serenity
MoB
MarkZ
Yidtryin'harder
Chullent kin'
Trouble
Belmont
mesayin (I think)
ShmuliK
Boropark yid
Israel61320
Watson
Mggmbs
YosefTH
Appearance

I have been in touch with:
Yiraishamaim
Maayan
NIC
Aryeh
Hashivalisassonyishechaimisgabecha
Shivisi
PeloniAlmoni
DuvidChaim
Eli
Lifnei
Lomed
Shtiebel
SIB14628
Joe
Singularity
NewActin'
MendelZ
Shmeichel
MBJ

Now, what I just did is fairly dangerous (and I really need to look this over again, for it was done at several sittin's), because I probably left out a bunch of fellows, and I do apologize, but I wrote this list for two reasons: 1. I wanted to display and demonstrate the power of GYE; it creates lastin' friendships, friend who deeply care about one another. Four years ago, I knew none of these fellows and now we are best of friends. 2. Perhaps a couple of them I have helped on their journey, but one thing is certain - each and every one of them helped me on mine. I learned humility from one, commitment from another. Mussar, calmness, faith, prayer, carin', devotion, thoughtfulness, diligence, humor, assertiveness, resolve, confidence and more - are just some of the things that I try to apply in my daily life, and for that, they need to be mentioned. If I left you out, you know it was just an oversight and I sincerely apologize (and i will include in the edit- I am gettin' rushed to hit submit), but I truly thank you for helpin' out a punk like me.

And I must confess that when a fellow emails, calls, texts, WhatsApps, skypes, bumps into me and says, "Cords, you really saved my life, you truly helped me today, this past year would have been impossible without you, I didn't get that massage because of your text" yes, it feels good, and my ego makes it feel even better, but it's you guys who deserve the credit. You, who set me straight to begin with, you, who showed me my flaws, you, who convinced me of my egotistical, self-centeredness, you, who paved the way for me, and you as well who gave me the opportunity to give back, to keep me honest, to constantly share life's struggles and mine in particular, so thank you.

So, in conclusion:

There might be ten thousand reasons to let you all go
There might be ten thousand reasons to just quit the show
About ten thousand reasons

If I had a highway, I would stay in my truck
If the coffee wasn't bitter, we'd be all out of luck
But you're givin' me ten thousand reasons
Givin' me ten thousand reasons

I bow down to pray
I try to make the worst seem better
Lord, show me the way
To cut through all this worn out leather
I've got ten thousand reasons to walk away
But baby, I just need one good one to stay

Posters stuck in a cycle, they look off and stare
It's like they've stopped breathin', but completely aware
'Cause you're givin' me ten thousand reasons
Givin' me ten thousand reasons

And if by mistake I say something that iI might even mean
It's hard to even fathom which parts you should believe
'Cause you're givin' me ten thousand reasons
Givin' me ten thousand reasons

Baby I'm bleedin', bleedin'
Can't you give me what I'm needin', needin'
Every heartbreak and fall and sickness makes it hard to keep the faith
But baby, I just need one good one
Good one, good one, good one

Baby, I just need one good one to stay, to stay, to stay.

And that good one is you.
Yes, you.

cordnoy wrote on 01 May 2017 21:15:

Goodness, thanks. Need to add to the list. Sadly, some guys I don't remember where the meet took place. Humbly though, what a post! If I'd write it now, I'm not sure I'd change much. By the mathematical calculation, it looks like my postin' has subsided, thank God! Sadly, I stopped listenin' to non Jewish music, not even sure when. What else? Godspeed!!

A bit of irony here, but I was reminded (not sure how exactly) of a song from Michael Jackson a"h which recognizes and emphasizes that the world (and our marriages) will not change unless we do. Over the past week, I have met, spoken, emailed, communicated with many people, and a common thread of what I have been sayin' is that change is needed internally, and perhaps a special mirror is needed to see that, so it's even a bit deeper than the song, but here goes:

I'm gonna make a change
For once in my life
It's gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could've been any clearer
If they wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change

I've thought I was a victim of a selfish kind of love
It's time that I realize
That if I truly want a home
My sins to atone
Should I continue pretendin' that I'm livin' alone?

A willow deeply scarred
My wife's broken heart
And a washed out dream 
They follow the pattern of the wind, ya see
'Cause my vices got no place to be
That's why I'm startin' with me

I've got to make that change today
(Man in the mirror) you got to
You got to not let yourself brother
(Yeah) you know
(Make that change) I've got to get that man, that man

You've got to
You've got to move
Come on
Come on
You got to
Stand up, stand up (yeah, make that change)
Stand up
Stand up and lift
Yourself, now

Not that anyone realized or cared, but I changed the lyrics to ac'cord' with my message.

In the olden days, there would have been some folk on GYE who would've noticed.