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Dirty Jokes - See 1st Post
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Getting out of Isolation and connecting with others is an important part of recovery. This board is for non-addiction related threads, where members exchange jokes, have fun - and drink Lechayim Together!

TOPIC: Dirty Jokes - See 1st Post 37031 Views

Re: Dirty Jokes - By Invitation Only (see first post) 05 Nov 2015 03:55 #267849

  • peloni almoni
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yayyyy!!!!
markzy baby made it to page 2!!!

i am sooooo proud of you
Have a corny day ... and if you do have other plans, change 'em!!
peloni_almoni@hotmail.com

None of us has it all together, but together, we have it all.

we always put our sobriety before our ego -
מוטב שאקרא שוטה כל ימי ואל אהיה רשע שעה אחת לפני המקום

לפעולות אדם בדבר שפתיך אני שמרתי אורחות פריץ. תמוך אשורי במעגלותיך בל נמוטו פעמי. תהלים יז
__________________________________________________________
LINKS:
- SOLUTIONS: WHERE DO I FIT IN TO GYE
- DOWNLOAD GYE HANDBOOK & READ AT LEAST TWICE
- OVERDOSE OF DOV: READING MATERIAL TO KEEP ME SANE
- THE BEST THREAD ON THE FORUM; READ, POST, AND HAVE A GREAT TIME
 

Re: Dirty Jokes - By Invitation Only (see first post) 05 Nov 2015 03:55 #267850

  • peloni almoni
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and ...
you're welcome
Have a corny day ... and if you do have other plans, change 'em!!
peloni_almoni@hotmail.com

None of us has it all together, but together, we have it all.

we always put our sobriety before our ego -
מוטב שאקרא שוטה כל ימי ואל אהיה רשע שעה אחת לפני המקום

לפעולות אדם בדבר שפתיך אני שמרתי אורחות פריץ. תמוך אשורי במעגלותיך בל נמוטו פעמי. תהלים יז
__________________________________________________________
LINKS:
- SOLUTIONS: WHERE DO I FIT IN TO GYE
- DOWNLOAD GYE HANDBOOK & READ AT LEAST TWICE
- OVERDOSE OF DOV: READING MATERIAL TO KEEP ME SANE
- THE BEST THREAD ON THE FORUM; READ, POST, AND HAVE A GREAT TIME
 

Re: Dirty Jokes - By Invitation Only (see first post) 10 Nov 2015 04:47 #268242

  • Markz
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Dov wrote:
I've never been a woman (the clothes are incredibly uncomfortable...especially the shoes, the shoes, oy...),
For G-d's sake, man, even if you are a selfish pig like I am, could you please just cut her a side-of-beef-size chunk of slack, here?!
Instead of the f-ing around thinking about whether we are tzaddikim or resho'im (and who the hell cares?
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Re: Dirty Jokes - By Invitation Only (see first post) 11 Nov 2015 01:15 #268349

  • Markz
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"90000 reasons to act out"
Here's the first

90000 reasons to say NO to acting out
Moach wrote
:

G-d dosnt want u to
He created u and put u here for a purpose don't defeat your purpose

Gd created you for a purpose. To have fun
האדם לא נברא אלא להתענג
(מסילת ישרים)

I see you guys are slacking on the Mussar Seforim
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Last Edit: 11 Nov 2015 01:19 by Markz.

Re: Dirty Jokes - by invitation only (see first post) 12 Nov 2015 03:30 #268457

  • shlomo24
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the above post is too preposterous to even warrant a comment
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

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Re: Dirty Jokes - by invitation only (see first post) 13 Nov 2015 21:27 #268575

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bardichev wrote:

29 Feb 2012

12 tips for shmiras eye-nay-im

#1 looking for your wife in the womens section at a chasunah is just that.
Looking for your wife. It is a tremendous mitzvah to look for your wife

#2 Looking for your wife after davening in shul has the same halachos as a chasunah

#3 there is no issur to look at a woman older than you wife

#4 there is no issur to look at a woman younger than your wife

#5 if the woman is wearing a shaitel there is no issur what so ever

#6 your wifes friends and family are all covered under the friends and family plan. So there is no issur .

#7 Women whom you work with fall into a gedder of 'assuk bimilachto"
that also covers the bank teller,the mail woman,and the cleaning lady

#8 Shabbos and Yom tov are times when women wear special nice clothing.It is a mitzvah to look at women who dress well on shabbos and yom tov

#9 vacation has special rules.There are no issurim when you or the person you look at is on vacation

#10 if you are in a bad mood you are exempt from all stringencies in guarding your eyes adderrabbeh if it will bring you to being in a better mood it will be considered a mitzvah.

#11 if you are in a good mood it is also recommended to look at women for you will bless them with your ayin tov.ayin Tov is a good midda

#12 if you live by these rules you will be happy all your days
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Re: Dirty Jokes - by invitation only (see first post) 15 Nov 2015 03:56 #268599

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the.guard wrote:
01 Jul 2011
click here for a prayer to recite before watching a movie).
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Re: Dirty Jokes - by invitation only (see first post) 15 Nov 2015 05:24 #268601

  • peloni almoni
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markz wrote:
the.guard wrote:
01 Jul 2011
click here for a prayer to recite before watching a movie).


this is gadlus.
my only question is why is it posted on a dirty jokes blog?
Have a corny day ... and if you do have other plans, change 'em!!
peloni_almoni@hotmail.com

None of us has it all together, but together, we have it all.

we always put our sobriety before our ego -
מוטב שאקרא שוטה כל ימי ואל אהיה רשע שעה אחת לפני המקום

לפעולות אדם בדבר שפתיך אני שמרתי אורחות פריץ. תמוך אשורי במעגלותיך בל נמוטו פעמי. תהלים יז
__________________________________________________________
LINKS:
- SOLUTIONS: WHERE DO I FIT IN TO GYE
- DOWNLOAD GYE HANDBOOK & READ AT LEAST TWICE
- OVERDOSE OF DOV: READING MATERIAL TO KEEP ME SANE
- THE BEST THREAD ON THE FORUM; READ, POST, AND HAVE A GREAT TIME
 

Re: Dirty Jokes - by invitation only (see first post) 15 Nov 2015 05:40 #268605

  • Markz
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You had nineteen karmas till 19 seconds ago. You now have 2 and a zero

The rate this dirty jokes thread is going, I think it's heading into oblivion. People are scared to post (rightfully so - the handcuffs are still at ready).
All the guys that were invited haven't posted... Yet.
So for now I'm rummaging in the dump for some good recycleable garbage...
If you have any fresh trash, please compost
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Re: Dirty Jokes - by invitation only (see first post) 15 Nov 2015 05:44 #268607

  • peloni almoni
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please please please x 5000000
dont tempt me to put dirty jokes up. you took down the "by invites only" so now mom will be all over this place, and we both know it will not end well.
Have a corny day ... and if you do have other plans, change 'em!!
peloni_almoni@hotmail.com

None of us has it all together, but together, we have it all.

we always put our sobriety before our ego -
מוטב שאקרא שוטה כל ימי ואל אהיה רשע שעה אחת לפני המקום

לפעולות אדם בדבר שפתיך אני שמרתי אורחות פריץ. תמוך אשורי במעגלותיך בל נמוטו פעמי. תהלים יז
__________________________________________________________
LINKS:
- SOLUTIONS: WHERE DO I FIT IN TO GYE
- DOWNLOAD GYE HANDBOOK & READ AT LEAST TWICE
- OVERDOSE OF DOV: READING MATERIAL TO KEEP ME SANE
- THE BEST THREAD ON THE FORUM; READ, POST, AND HAVE A GREAT TIME
 

Re: Dirty Jokes - by invitation only (see first post) 17 Nov 2015 04:14 #268804

  • Markz
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YOU ARE FREE TO POST ANYTHING PROVIDED ITS NOT TOO DIRTY OR TO DO WITH TOILETING

I will get slapped by some guys for posting a clean joke here, but... Here goes
jerusalemsexaddict wrote:
13 Nov 2009
A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says "what seems to be the problem officer?" the cop looks bluntly at him and says "are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?" the man let out a sigh "thank **** for that i thought i had gone deaf!"
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Re: Dirty Jokes 17 Nov 2015 05:01 #268808

  • peloni almoni
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reb mark, the following fits nicely in on this thread, and would also go very well on the transsexual thread you have. plus, its inyana deyoma (shloshim yom kodem hachag)

thanksgiving-humor-5.jpg


PS - there's talk about a new movie called Constipation, but it hasn't come out yet.

PPS - A TRIBUTE TO MARK - המבין יבין - CLICK HERE
Have a corny day ... and if you do have other plans, change 'em!!
peloni_almoni@hotmail.com

None of us has it all together, but together, we have it all.

we always put our sobriety before our ego -
מוטב שאקרא שוטה כל ימי ואל אהיה רשע שעה אחת לפני המקום

לפעולות אדם בדבר שפתיך אני שמרתי אורחות פריץ. תמוך אשורי במעגלותיך בל נמוטו פעמי. תהלים יז
__________________________________________________________
LINKS:
- SOLUTIONS: WHERE DO I FIT IN TO GYE
- DOWNLOAD GYE HANDBOOK & READ AT LEAST TWICE
- OVERDOSE OF DOV: READING MATERIAL TO KEEP ME SANE
- THE BEST THREAD ON THE FORUM; READ, POST, AND HAVE A GREAT TIME
 
Last Edit: 17 Nov 2015 05:14 by peloni almoni. Reason: hi "mom"

Re: Dirty Jokes 17 Nov 2015 18:24 #268852

  • shlomo24
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My families sense of humor is really crude so i am quietly laughing on the sidelines PA. lol
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: Dirty Jokes 17 Nov 2015 18:35 #268856

  • Markz
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I always access guardyoureyes on my iPhone. My phone is showing some corrupted stuff now.
Must be a bug.
I'll have to go to an Apple Store today.
Probably better - I think I should just flush it
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Re: Dirty Jokes 17 Nov 2015 19:26 #268862

  • Markz
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Reason #90 why Jewish people are called a stiff necked people

Yesod wrote:
I'm not in the mood of thinking so maybe someone can answer me, why are pretty women so darn enticing how come whenever I see a pretty woman on the block I got a stiff neck from holding back from looking
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