Gotcha 

 

markz wrote on 30 Dec 2015 21:39:

" I have a dream. We will rise up and fight post  to overcome the I'm about to fall thread".
Mark was probably thinking something similar when he posted this.

Your dream is slowly coming true.

this topic= 114 pages
other topic= 128 pages

only 14 more pages.

too bad mom is a lady, otherwise she could help out.

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 02 May 2016 02:43:

I'm just taller than my hair.

Conspiracy We Must Stop This Immediately!

Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything seems uphill from where you are?

Stairs are steeper.

Groceries are heavier.

And, everything is farther away..

Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time!

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age.

On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection........ Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the highway in front of them.. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here! All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something ! drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED! PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has caused my fonts to be smaller than they once were too!

  

recycled

No - there was more than one in the ark

Disregard, it was only a drill...

The joke crew is at it again... Where have you all been holed up all this time?

Q: How many dumb blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?







A: What's a light bulb?



Q: How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb?



















A: Wanna ride my bike?

Are you awake....We will see!!!!!!!


A Little Test To See If You're Awake

What do you put in a toaster?






Answer:- bread....

If you said "toast" then give up now and go and find yourself
a shoe box as you can't handle life....

If you said "bread" then please progress on to question 2

(q2) say "silk" 5 times, now spell "silk".....what do cows drink?








Answer:- "water"

If you said "milk", then may i suggest that you do not try the next
question, as it may seem that your brain cell is over - taxed,
you need a holiday...may i suggest children's world?

If you said "water" then you may go onto question 3


(q3) If a red house is made from red bricks, a blue house is made
out of blue bricks, a pink house is made out of pink bricks,
a black house is made out of black bricks....what is a green house
made out of?






Answer:- "glass"

If you said "green bricks" then what the hell are you still doing here
reading these questions!!!!

If you said "glass" then please progress onto question 4



(q4) 20 years ago a plane is flying at 20,000 ft, over the old country
germany when 2 of the engines failed, the pilot, realizing that the last
remaining engine was failing, he decides on a crash landing
procedure,
but unfortunately the engine fails and the plane crashes smack
bang
in the middle of "no mans land" the land between east germany and
west germany in the middle of the berlin wall, ..... where would you
bury the survivors.... east germany, west germany or
in "no mans land"?







Answer:- you don't bury "survivors"

If you said anything other than the sentence above then please
never fly, you may cause more damage should the plane crash!!!

If you said the sentence above then carry on to question 5.

(q5) If on a clock the hour hand moves 1/60th of a degree every
minute then how many degrees will the hour hand travel in 1 hour?









Answer:- "1 degree"

If you said "360 degrees", or anything other than the answer, may I
congratulate you on getting this far...but be honest with yourself,
do you think you can handle the last and final question?

If you said "1 degree" then please go on to the last question


(q6) **without using a calculator**
You are driving a bus from san francisco to los angeles~
in san jose 17 people get on the bus,
in carmel 6 people get off, 9 people get on,
in half moon bay 2 people get off, 4 people get on,
in cardiff 11 people get off,16 people get on,
in bakersfield 3 people get off, 5 people get on,
in valencia 6 people get off,3 people get on
the bus then pulls into los angels bus depot.....





What was the name of the bus driver?

















Answer:-"your name". You're the bus driver, remember?

Mark, those jokes were around when the dead sea was still sick. I got them all right (except of the green house) because i remember them (see how chusheve chazura is) from Girsa d'yankusa.

Important News

1. All teenagers should get a high school education-even if
they already know everything.

2. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to
the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

3. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals - dying of nothing.

4. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.