My friend thinks he's smart he said onions are the only food that make you cry.




so I threw a coconut at his face 

Moments of Zen - Part One:

 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.

 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

 3. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any (to debate this topic please do so on a different thread - please chill)

 4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted

 5. Always remember you are unique - just like everyone else.

 6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet

 7. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others

Aryeh, what about Horseradish?
that's one other food to make you cry.
 

New car scheme -- read carefully mom

Be aware of new car-jacking scheme
Read, then forward this email - BE AWARE and BE SAFE
This just happened to a friend of my sister's -- so I am letting everyone know before it happens again.

Imagine: You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. Then you lock all your doors, start the engine and shift into REVERSE. Habit!

You look into the rear-view window to back out of your parking space and you notice a piece of paper, some sort of advertisement stuck to your rear window. So, you shift into PARK, unlock your doors and jump out of your vehicle to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view... when you reach the back of your car, that is when the car-jackers jump out of no where ... jump into your car and take off -- your engine was running, your purse is in the car, and they practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.

BE AWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME

Just drive away and remove the paper that is stuck to your window later and be thankful that your read this email and that you forwarded it to your friends.

That's why our Monstuh trucks don't have reverse

 

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 08 Apr 2016 01:27:

Mine does!

markz wrote on 08 Apr 2016 01:11:

Mark, am i missing something here? This is the funny thread, and this post sounds like a good idea that i havn't tried yet. did it say what color the paper should be?

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 08 Apr 2016 01:27:


bardichev wrote on 08 Aug 2011 00:15:

 

Paleolithic Trivia for the old:

Anybody wanna guess where the word "geshtaltzemfleeegin" came from on the forum?

Uh................. Oy Vay.
1. Shteeble?
2. Bardichev?
3. U?
4. Mark

these are my top 4 guesses.
 

yep!

yep what?
yep U or yep one of the 4 listed?
what does geshtaltzemfleeegin even mean?
 

When I was in middle school, my English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" I received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only my name at the top.

(#970) Women’s Shopping Centre (WSC) 
[My thanks to DM for the following joke] 
Mary goes to the new shopping centre in London. It’s unique because it’s only for women looking for husbands. Potential husbands are the only goods on display. This is why Mary is there. 
When she enters the building, there is a large sign, which says: -

THE LONDON WSC
This WSC centre is laid out over 5 floors
The men here have increasingly better attributes the higher up you go
The rules for entry are simple – you are only allowed in once
Once you open the door to a floor, you must choose a man from that floor
If you go up a floor, you can't go back down except to leave the centre
BEST OF LUCK
-------------
-------------
-------------
Mary goes to the first floor. The sign on the door says 
Floor 1:  All the men here have jobs, love children and are certainly not lazy 
Mary thought, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving children, but I wonder what's further up?"  So up she goes to the next floor. The sign says 
Floor 2:  All the men on this floor have executive jobs, love children, are certainly not lazy and are extremely good looking. 
"That’s better," thought Mary, "but I wonder what's further upstairs?" Up she goes. The sign says 
Floor 3:  All the men on this floor have executive jobs, love children, are certainly not lazy, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and are not strictly orthodox. 
"Wow," thought Mary, "almost perfect and very tempting. But I’ve come this far and there's more further up!" And so again, up she goes. The sign says 
Floor 4:  All the men on this floor have executive jobs, love children, are certainly not lazy, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, are not strictly orthodox, are very romantic and know how to satisfy their partner. 
"Oy vay, wonderful" she said aloud, "but just think what could be waiting for me upstairs" So up to the fifth and top floor she goes. The sign here says 
Floor 5:  This floor is just to prove that  women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping. Have a nice day.