markz wrote:


We still got another 316 pages to go in Dr. Speedy's joke book.

Umm North America? South America?

Pinocchio count.
Rashi was written many years after the gemara.....


Probably True - Some sources say that crocodiles don't have tongues at all, while others say that the tongue is attached to the rest of the mouth. I guess either way, the cat got it’s tongue. 


False- For even the shortest lived species, the complete life cycle from egg through nymph to adult takes around 6 months, and the adult stage lasts at least for several days. Some of the longer lived dragon flies have life cycles of 6 to 7 years, and up to four months as adults.


What was the question?


See above answer


Probably True- Actually, it's most likely being in a suspended state of animation for three years, which isn't the same thing as sleep in the sense that we're used to, but it's close enough


Actually his real name was Alter Kaponsky and his grandfather was the Rav in Haitayeraieg (היטן אייער אויג). When they came to Americhka he was overtaken by the lust on the billboards in Chicago until he became what we know him as today - a used furniture sales man.

Probably True- Ostriches have big eyes, and small heads that don't leave much room for anything else. Though not as big as the big squid. Note of caution. Big eyes can sometimes see too much!!!


False- They are made of cartilage when we're born, and don't become bony until 2 to 6 year of age.


When I was a kid I used to look at those picture mishnayos that show someone pressing grapes in a bathtub using his toes to crush them. Maybe he really had butterfly feet and it was his way of getting drunk.


Probably False- I guess it all depends on you how classify vocal sounds. Consider the human word, "oh." Is that one vocal sound, or do all the myriad intonations that give it different meanings depending on the context count as differences?

False- February 1865 did in fact have a full moon, though there was no full moon in the Februaries of 1866, 1885, 1915, 1934, 1961, and 1999, and probably many others (whose recorded history, by the way).


False- To give just one example, foxes have been domesticated this past century. I guess it also depends on what you mean by domestication - actually selectively breeding an animal to change its behavior, like that fox experiment, breeding animals in captivity, like zoos, or simply "breaking" a wild animal to make it work for people, like is done with wild horses and elephants.


Most Likely False- I haven't gone through and double-checked the calculations myself, but I've seen a few of these types of calculations, and depending on the assumptions, it would take between 15 and 40 years.


I don't know where you live markz, but over here, The only guys who actually sit and wait for the red are those guys who are texting! It's actually the way that the cops know that you're texting. If you stop a full stop at the red, that means that you should get pulled over for using your phone!!
For another (more serious) answer, click on spoiler


I think that only applies to a sota.


False- At least, he wasn't the first. Shears were in use in Egypt by roughly 1500 B.C., and modern cross-bladed scissors were in use in Rome by roughly 100 A.D. I suppose it's possible that the technology was lost, and da Vinci re-invented scissors, but until I see some evidence, I'd doubt it.


False- Eyes do grow, though not as fast as the rest of the body. They're roughly 2/3 of their adult size at birth.

I'm actually looking forward for marks fifth post, just to see SG's rebuttals.

By the way, regarding Chinese reproduction, was that before or after they revised the one child law?

cordnoy wrote:

I don't think markz actually had that one in there. I was just anticipating the next one. There are only so many useless facts one can think of while sober...

cordnoy wrote:
PART 5

A cockroach can live for a week without its head. Due to their open circulatory system, and the fact that they breathe through little holes in each of their body segments, they are not dependent on the mouth or head to breathe. The roach only dies because without a mouth, it can't drink water and dies of thirst.

A cockroach can hold its breath for 40 minutes, and can even survive being submerged under water for half an hour. They hold their breath often to help regulate their loss of water.

Cockroaches can run up to three miles in an hour, which means they can spread germs and bacteria throughout a home very quickly.

Newborn German cockroaches become adults in as little as 36 days. In fact, the German cockroach is the most common of the cockroaches and has been implicated in outbreaks of illness and allergic reactions in many people.

A one-day-old baby cockroach, which is about the size of a speck of dust, can run almost as fast as its parents.

The American cockroach has shown a marked attraction to alcoholic beverages, especially beer. They are most likely attracted by the alcohol mixed with hops and sugar.

The world's largest roach (which lives in South America) is six inches long with a one-foot wingspan. Average cockroaches can vary in size from ½"- 2" long.

Cockroaches are believed to have originated more than 280 million years ago, in the Carboniferous era.

There are more than 4,000 species of cockroaches worldwide, including the most common species, the German cockroach, in addition to other common species, the brownbanded cockroach and American cockroach.

Because they are cold-blooded insects, cockroaches can live without food for one month, but will only survive one week without water (I couldnt verify if that was with or w/o the head)

They lurk in dark corners, feed off crumbs, and obey the commands of humans. Years in the making, and a contender for the most revolting creation to emerge from a laboratory, the robo-roach has arrived.
Built by engineers in Texas, the robotic insect fuses a live cockroach with a miniature computer that is wired into the animal’s nervous system. At the push of a button, a human operator can control the beast.
Hong Liang, (who was an only child, cord) who led the research at Texas A&M University, said the controllable insect could carry tiny video cameras, microphones and other sensors. With those on board, it could gather information from places where humans would rather not be: broken sewers, yeshiva dorms, and under your bed! Edward Snowden tried to warn about this.
The US team made tiny backpacks for the cockroaches and stuck them on with paint. Normal glue did not attach to the insects’ waxy backs. Each backpack contained a computer chip that could send signals down a pair of fine wires into nerves that controlled legs on either side of the cockroach. With a rechargeable lithium battery to power the device, the total weight of the backpack was less than 3g.
If it all seems a little creepy, you can at least console yourself with the fact that it's hoped such robo-roaches will be used in the future to find human trapped beneath debris. Small, nimble and self-powered, cyborg cockroaches compare favorably to their purely robotic counterparts, at least for now.
So picture the scene. A building collapses after an earthquake in japen. A man is trapped under the debris and is calling for help. No one heard him, but he suddenly feels a cockroach crawling up his arm, about to totally flip out, the cockroach pulls out the mans smartphone from his pocket activates the gps signal and help is on the way..

Not one of our guys

stillgoing wrote:


If cockroaches can survive an atomic bomb, meteors, and chemical warfare......

That cockroach thing was disgusting. Also mythbusters disproved the sneezing thing. They held someone's eyes opened and he sneezed, nothing out of the ordinary happened.

Shlomo24 wrote:

This is the depressed people chill spot in case you didn't notice
Have you taken the depression test - 20 questions?
What authorization do you have to be on this thread???????

Ok so chill!
.......














....until you spot the next roach...




btw do you really think I read every word of each joke, like Dov quotes? So you don't have to either

KOT
OWAAT

I apologize if I came off that way. It wasn't my intention. Maybe I should've put an exclamation point after the word disgusting.

Okay, now who's going to have the zechus of bringing Shteeble into the club of double digit karma meshugenez?

Done!

Have a great Shabbos!

DISCLAIMER:
This is not a Karma appeal

I take the liberty to explain Shteebs karma comment

I don't know which culprits have been + karming me, but of one that I'm aware of - it was for the most stupid thing!

Btw SHTEEB!!

Yoo Hoo!!!

I owe you a thanks cos following in your steps I updated my signature

KEEP UPDATING YOUR TRUCKING SKILLS!!!