Let the record show that I hit "Thank you" only for the invention of "truck up."

With regard to the rest of the post I'm entirely maskim to R' OYC's beautiful words.

lamaazavtuni wrote on 31 Mar 2025 03:23:

I gotta be honest - I agree that you're a sick human being כדכתיב "כי חולת אהבה אני". We all have normal male urges. I don't want to trigger anyone here - but I know I've engaged and connected to super peculiar behaviors............ Does that make me sick? Well, considering you're a sick human being, I am too. But I'm a sick human being who's living life בקדושה וטהרה, and you can too. 

Let's keep trucking up together - and we'll enjoy some quality time together too,
Muttel

Hey chekin in with the oilom...   bh I'm 5 days clean !!!  And  was awesome last few days with shmiras eynayim!!!imh vaiter.   Probably had to do with the fact that I spent some quality time with my wife in the morning just makes the whole day better, and keeps me strong.       
      ah gutteh nacht yidden

Ah gut vuch !!! And bh a clean voch under my beltImh this coming week should be as smooth!

Yes, though forever more the only day you need to worry about is today. 7 of them would constitute a week, but for me, thinking ODAAT is helpful.



Just sayin'.



Muttel

9days clean !!! No news is good news. Just posting leman posting and to t4 that I'm up so early...

lamaazavtuni wrote on 07 Apr 2025 11:51:

Reb Lama, its not No news, Its yes news, news that your changing, news that your in an upward growth!!

And its great news!!

KOMT

10 days clean !!      Starting to miss talking to my gye chaverimBut really trying to stay focused on living productivly and filling my time with Torah/spending quality time with wife/kids and living responsibly so that I actually feel good about myself and don't need to turn to detrimental stuff to keep me pacified and to keep life exiting .  
       Also recently noticed how much I need a dopamine rush constantly to feel alive dunno if that's from years of porn or I was always like that and it was  something that porn provided (what came first chicken or the egg) but definitely need a rush pretty often and get burned out/bored of stustuff  quiet quickly .     
  If any hearois on this would appreciate alot.               Ahh gutten nacht

Hi guys I'm back!  Thought I could manage this on my own but think now its klur i cant so here i am . So ......after a really stressful yt and bain hazzzeee I fell on Wednesday not gonna go into detail but feel really ashamed and stupid about it especially cause that morning I spoke for the first time in a while to a gye friend and I felt like I'm getting back into the game then WHAM (well first I passed a big nisayon but after that i was worn down ..) took two days till i had the courage to admit to someone i fell and it really only happened cause hhm realized that I didn't update , but bh for that ,once we spoke im more calm and less meuish. 
   It's my 4 fall since starting my journey here (around chanuka time)so overall I guess I should be happy .   Prob is I'm not 
     We'll be in touch chevra!  Have a great day

I really appreciate your openness and authentic expression. You seem like you are very caring and wanna do the right thing for yourself and for your family. I don’t know if you meant to, but you are inspiring me.
And by the way, I hope you know, that to me, you are way more ahead than you think…. It gives me chizuk to read your posts. You’re on a high level bro. Keep at it !

11 days clean!!! Had a big trigger last night , called a chaver  works wonders even though we spoke for really short  but just the fact that I knew I had someone following this fight with me was a huge chizuk.  Happy to be back in the game and imh will start reading tbotg again.  
 I'll admit I'm not sure if I'm fully over this urge as it kept creeping back to me during first seder...     
  Wel be bekesher thanks for reading 

Dammitttt I fell although I gave a great fight , probably one of my hardest first seder s in my life , the thoughts that flew threw that head of mine , hashem yishmor .    Without getting into details it still was a pretty decent fight beauchus ubekamus .
     Trying to figure out y when I get in the moment at least sometimes I find it to hard to call a friend.
        All chizuk s appreciated       

chekin in still recovering from the disappointments  of falling though im passed it in a way but i guess not.     feel really stinky about it. take care my brothers

How are you celebrating the 11 days clean?

My friend, if you are looking for some chizuk, check out אגרות וכתבים from R' Hutner letter 128. (If you've seen it before, learn it again. Well.)
It won't disappoint!

KOMT!