Pinchaszev wrote on 11 Sep 2024 06:08:

unfortunately same here

ivelt wrote on 23 Sep 2024 02:16:

You are here for a while already. How about opening your own thread and posting a little bit about yourself without going into little details that can be triggering to others?

ivelt wrote on 23 Sep 2024 02:16:

A very many much of us GYE's have a lot of things in common with this story and all of the other painful stories written.
The main thing that we have in common, might not be what our our story was yesterday, but rather, its what we so desperately want, with every fiber of our being NEED, our story to be today, tomorrow and the rest of our life.
And that is something that we control.
At this point we only look forward, One Day At A Time, until one day we look back and see WOW!! look how far we've come!!
KOT!!

redfaced wrote on 22 Sep 2024 11:46:

If only we'd all have red-faced humor I believe we'll get out of this easily 
Simcha humor and laughter is always key

rebakiva wrote on 23 Sep 2024 02:37:

I didn't get out easily ...... Humor isn't enough
It takes grit, determination, sweat and FRIENDSHIP

That's definitely true but when I came here I was sure I'm in for lots of pain only talking about pain and dealing with pain of dropping something that I was so addicted to etc but I must say it definitely is extremely exciting to see that we can do this humerously as well looking forward to a great future with happiness not just with the pain of leaving the dark past thanks a million for all your great humor I really love it and I love laughing every time I read stuff on the forums it definitely gives a sensation of wanting to return and continue the great journey ahead so long as we can do it happily

Hi all. Firstly, I spoke to HHM. He truly is someone here to help. So worth calling him. He really understands you, and understands this sugya. He is here to walk you through to the other end. 
One piece of advice he gave was to read a book, preferably one with a bit of spirituality to it, or listen to a shuir, so your mind doesn't wander to fantasy land when going to sleep. Last night I listened to a shuir from R Daniel Kalish. 
At the end, he has a talmid strum a guitar and sing a song. This song was literally directed at my heart. I felt so mechuzak from it. 
I attached a link to the song!
So worth listening to!!!

mostlymusic.com/products/mendy-worch-chaim-ghoori-yidden-single?srsltid=AfmBOoqqkOMEZX-Ejg8KoG_07fCluNFUcd7ruSdxc_lM7msMvdq09Y8R

whywatch wrote on 24 Sep 2024 22:31:

Great advice.  Rav Shimshon Pincus has a couple of powerful speeches about krias shema al hamita, and one thing he says is that what you go to sleep thinking about is where your mind hangs out for the whole time you are sleeping (on some spiritual level). So going to sleep thinking about connecting to Hashem = hours of connecting to Hashem. Going to sleep fantasizing = hours of lusting. 

Obviously we're talking about subtle spiritual dimensions. And I hate, hate, HATE segulos and spiritual shortcuts being presented as a solution to lust. But largely because of that speech I started saying hamapil and krias shema al hamita for the first time in my life. And I feel like it's made some small difference. Regardless of any effect, it's, like, an explicit halacha I was neglecting for absolutely no reason as well as a nice relaxing routine. But this idea was good motivation to start doing it and I do feel like it's had an effect.

Thanks!

That is actually one of the bedtime routines HHM told me to do. One of the side kicks of saying it, that I feel, is, it makes going to sleep feeling heilige. It is such a satisfying feeling. 

I woke up an hour ago at 3am with this inexplicable urge to masterbate. This urge is like nothing I've felt before. Literally on a new level. But I knew I couldn't fall, and I was going crazy. I got out of bed, went to the couch and listened to R Leib Keleman (inspired by someone else's post earlier tonight). It's now 415, the urge has slightly abated, but it's still here. I keep telling myself, in a couple hours the sun will rise, and we will win Bezras Hashem. Doing whatever I can to occupy myself and put my focus elsewhere. בשם ה נעשה ונצליח!

Thank you Hashem, I made it through the night (Not sure how I will stay awake at work, barely slept since 3am) Heading to shachris victorious. TYH!!!

Wow. You're amazing... A real inspiration!
These are the real Zechusim. The ones that noone knows about. The whole world is sleeping. Whywatch is up. Nobody around. Just him and the YH. And he fights him off like a lion!!
I'm so happy for you!
Keep it up!

I'm starting to understand when Chazal say that the definition a GIBBOR is someone who conquers the yetzer hara. 
Anyone can train a bit to lift 200lb weights. 

Try fighting this yetzer hara for a while and see what kind of mental, emotional, philosophical and psychological strength you need to win over it. 
No one is going to comment on your victories (except your beloved chaveirim here) 
No one is gonna tell you that you have big muscles, no one is going to compliment you on your wins. 
Heck, you probably can't share your feelings with anyone. 

You are mamish a real gibbor!!

Keep up the good GREAT work

wow,good morning your nothing short of a tzadikk and a gibor keep fighting, and inspiring peaple(me for sure:)

Thank you all for the chizuk. I am still in the struggle, working it through. But I simply can't fall. I would be devastated. So the YH will just have to give up eventually, hopefully!