menuchashanefesh9 wrote on 01 Aug 2024 18:24:
Allow me to make a bold totally uncertified statement. Bnei Torah-- Mevaksei Hashem- people who are immersing their life in real Ruchnius struggle with areas of Kedusha as the central Nisayon in their life. The reason this is is because they are seekers of connection and ruchnius lends itself to that of the ultimate connection- one that our Neshama truly seeks- and our Neshama- our essence- is created in essence as a seeker of pleasure. Therefore as we continue to immerse ourselves deeply into Hashem's Torah and really attain levels of connection to Ruchnius, Yetzor Hara's main task is now to rid of this tremendous pleasure. The only thing in his arsenal that can combat a Chiddush in ger katan is that of extreme תאוות נשים. That does not mean to say that it is of equal pleasure. In fact it pales in comparison quite miserably, but it has its superficial easy nature to attai that can allure us into falling deeply into that connection replacing feelings of connection to Ruchnius. And even more potently, it disconnects our Neshama's connection to Ruchnius through miraging our feelings of connection with something so fake- which gives a suffocating blow to our feelings of connection that our neshama really yearns for. Perhaps this is the פשט in the -גמרא that כל הגדול מחברו גדול יצרו ממנו- the more one feels connection in רוחניות the more the יצה"ר has to present superficial feelings of connection through דברים של טומאהPerhaps the addictive nature of these struggles root itself in the שקיעות- immersion that it is coming to replace of שקיעות בתורה. Perhaps this is precisely why בני תורה struggle so much. בני תורה should not be ashamed of this struggle, it is a testament to their tremendous desire to grow.Looking back at the year of טהרה it is almost hard to capture how much this allowed me to grow. I was able to fully immerse myself in רוחניות. Tefilla afforded opportunity for real connection. I was able to fully CONNECT to my wife- another area of connection that watching phonography kills as it replaces a super deep relationship with quick superficial feeling of fake connection. It allowed me to connect so much deeper to everyone around me as my I now began to seek true connection. I began to understand people better as I actually was connecting with them. And the list I'm sure goes on and on if I were to stop to think of it.
I think this frames the struggle of עניני קידושה into a central area of our growth. It is not a pain, a side nuisance. rather a key ploy of the יצר הרע in our pursuit of our real עבודה leaving a life full of connection to Hashem. I regret not bringing you guys for the ride the first time. I believe it was because of this mistake- I misunderstood this battle to be a side-battle, not a central battle in רוחניות.
Bold - yes, uncertified - not at all. The famous 'גמ in מס' יומא that talks about when the אנשי כנסת הגדולה Davened for the YH of גלוי עריות to be eliminated, at first their תפילות were answered, but then they found that no chicken was laying eggs, so they were מתפלל to bring it back. The world wouldn’t continue to procreate, so they had to recall the יצרא דעבירה. The 'זוהר הק says that the reason תאוות נשים had to be brought back was because without תאוה then "חדוותא דשמעתתא מנא לן". My רביים explained it as follows. We tend to think of the סוגיא of שמירת העינים in terms of סור מרע - don’t look, because if you do, you will taint your נשמה and you won’t be able to serve 'ה as well. This is definitely true, but the reality is much deeper then that.
The מצוה of guarding our eyes was written in the פרשה of ציצית. There seems to be a connection between the מצוה of ציצית and the מצוה of ולא תתורו, and they both seem to be a very fundamental מצוה and though it we are told וזכרתם את כל מצוותי. What’s the secret?
In reality the סוגיא of שמירת העינים is more connected to the עשה טוב of תורה. The word ציצית means to peer (as in מציץ מן החרכים). We are taught that when we look at our ציצת we are supposed to remind ourselves of the כסא הכבוד because תכלת דומה לים, ים דומה לרקיע, רקיע דומה לכיסי הכבוד a tenuous connection at best, tenuous - if you look at it from a physical perspective. The lesson of the ציצית is don’t just look at what you see with your external eyes, look deeply in to the heart of the ציצית and see what they really represent. Therefore the תורה told us specifically in the מצוה of ציצית to guard our eyes. When one is lax is his שמירת העינים, in essence what he’s doing is, he’s reducing a צלם אלוקים to its most external form. He doesn’t see the totality of the person, only its external trappings. ציצית teaches us to look deeper.
This concept is applicable to all of 'עבודת ה, but nowhere is it more manifest then in לימוד התורה. The 'גמ in מס' שבת says on the פסוק of והמחשילה הזאת that’s it’s referring to דברי תורה that אין אדם עומד בהם אלא אם כן נכשל בהם תחילה. As any serious student of תורה can attest to, when you learn a 'גמ, at first the 'גמ seems to be saying one thing, upon further analysis it seems to be saying something else. Then he looks in to the ראשונים and he discovers that he hasn’t yet scratched the surface of the גמ'. There are endless layers of depth in every word of תורה.
How does one not fall in to the “trap” of settling for what seems to be a nice פשט in the 'גמ? What propels him to challenge himself to look deeper and uncover a deeper reality of truth? It’s the knowledge that we don’t settle for something external. To train us in not looking at externalities, 'ה set up the 'בריי in a way that we will have many “opportunities” to practice not falling for the glitter of the external world. That’s where תאוה comes in, we desire something because of its external beauty, and we train ourselves to say no, don’t fall for the external, because the inside is far more beautiful. Take the time and have the patience to discover the real beauty and depth of 'ה’s world and the people in it. In essence שמירת העינים is a powerful, positive tool that we were given to help us in pursuit of uncovering the depth and beauty of Yiddeshkeit. The YH knows this, and the people he's most afraid of, are the people that spend their days and nights utilizing this tool. No wonder he throws his entire arsenal at them. He does anything he can to neutralize him from discovering the real pleasure there is in life, so he tries his best to sweeten the external to distract him from discovering the real treasure that lays beneath the surface. At the חפץ חיים supposedly once said, "דער יצר חרע ארט ניט דאווענען, ארט ניט זאגן תהילים, אבער א בלאט גמ' ארט עם יא". Obviously, he only meant it in comparison to learning, the others don't come close.
Had 'ה completely eradicated תאוות נשים, we wouldn’t have the ability to hone our skills in pushing ourselves to look past the surface of any given סוגיא be it learning or any area in 'עבודת ה. On a basic level that might be what the 'זוהר הק means when it says חדוותא דשמעתתא מנא לן.
My dear friend, you wrote that you don’t feel the way you would expect to after losing such a long streak. I believe (and I know I could be wrong here), that it’s because the רושם that the past year of טהרה made on you hasn’t been lost at all. You’ve changed your מהות from someone that used to get swept up with externals, to someone that’s שקוע in uncovering the deeper meaning of the 'דבר ה. Nothing, not a slip or even a fall can take that away from you, especially if you get right back up and pick up from where you left off.
