Why do I have the incessant drive to post something when I can't think of anything post-worthy?

I have no updates (that I'm willing to share).

Ah, but my posting isn't just about sharing updates. It's about getting the stupid, miserable, and delicious attention through replies, "Thank You"s, and or PMs.

So, that's what this post is all about. Pleading. Begging. Perhaps even groveling. All while I hold my nose in disgust at myself.

The ups and downs on this little space rock are truly filled with pompous self-importance.

שָׁקְעָה חַמָּה, עָבִים בָּאִים
לַיְלָה עוֹלֶה מִן הַתְּהוֹם

Hatzlacha and keep on . . . well . . . you know . . doing whatever it is you do.

We interrupt our regularly scheduled despondent posts for a slightly different tune.

Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski used to say that low self-esteem is at the root of addiction. This was the basis of (most of) his books. Over the last couple of months, this message slowly trickled from my brain into my visceral self. Especially after reading some of his books on the subject, in which he describes me spot on.

Naturally, realizing that I have low self-esteem only served to lower it further.

Recently, I bumped into this post by the dude of tzitzis, in which he mentions a shmuz from Rabbi Kalish on codependency and its impact on his life. I don't know why, but something told me to check it out, and boy, am I glad I did. It gave me a much-needed boost that I didn't even know was possible.

I thank tzitzis man and Rabbi Kalish for the flash of lightning in the otherwise dark forest. I pray to our heavenly father that I use this clarity to start working on what I see to be the root issue and not let too much time pass, lest I forget what I saw in the bolt.

I need help.
But I'm too arrogant to ask for it.

Perhaps Shabbos can heal—as it is said to.

Some anonymous guy (or gal) PM'd me, asking for the link to the R' Kalish shmuz. (S/He can't access the link I referenced because it's behind the BB paywall—we pay a high price to access that.) Opening the link brought back a taste of the high it induced the first time.

Now, my previous post makes sense to me. If I'm not for myself, who will be for me?

I need help.
But I'm too arrogant to ask for it.

Perhaps Shabbos can heal—as it is said to.

Peace and love (whatever the heck that second term means)
Shabbat Shalom.