Hi, I’ve been struggling with porn since I was a teenager. I’ve been trying to stop for a very long time but I’ve never really been able to shake it completely. Even if I stayed away for a good couple of months I ultimately always fell back into it. 

A little over a year ago I flirted with cam sites for the first time. At first I was too scared to engage but after a few times I got more comfortable and even spent money on it. I felt absolutely horrible about it but the pull was stronger than anything I had felt before. 

Thankfully, after about a week of this I was able to pull myself out of it. The next stretch was my best, close to a full year away from all of it. 

Recently, however, I fell right back into it. It started with watching porn but I was quickly back at those sites. 

I’ve never shared this with anyone, I never knew if I was addicted or just normal, it all seems so confusing. But with this recent struggle I’ve decided to do something I never tried before. Speak about it. 

This is my struggle. If anyone has advice or words of wisdom, please share. 

Thank you

Advice or words of wisdom? I don't have much of that. Others here might.

What I do have is words of friendship and welcome: Welcome, friend!

You're in the right place. GYE is full of people like you, who fell into a place they never thought they would and can't seem to extricate themself. It's also full of people who pulled themselves out by their bootstraps (whatever those are) and inspire us. You'll find companionship; you'll learn that you're not alone. You'll also learn that the struggle can be won and some tools to help you win.

Stick around, post, never give up.

No advice but I've been smashing my head into this wall long enough to learn where the good stuff is. Some excellent resources: The Battle of the Generation, the F2F program, and the mentors around here (I suggest reaching out to @HashemHelpMe whose email is in his signature). 

Hello i.l,

You made the right decision by joining GYE the best tool we have currently for beating this problem. 

First of all, know that you are not alone. Lots and lots of frum hielige yiden have struggled with the same or worse things. AND HAVE OVERCOME THEM! 
Number 2, please start by reading the Battle of the Generation read a little every day and absorb the lessons.
Number 3, Please work thru the F2F program its life changing!
Number 4, please post and post and post. Addiction thrives on darkness and loneliness, openness and friendship brings about healing.

Good luck. 

Welcome. You will find many similar stories to your own on these forums. Please stick around and continue to post. Eventually the connections you make here will be a tremendous resource to help you break free of the behaviors and the associated guilt.

Thank you everyone for the words of encouragement. 

I want to add one more point. 

I am married and have not told my wife about this. the shame is just to great. I want to tell her from a place of strength. like this was something in my past that I am over. I just don't see myself telling her now.

Is it ok not to share it with her with the hope that I can fix this on my own?

i.l
Welcome! I'm new around here - and your post resonates deeply.... I too never thought I'd do what I've done.... The yetzer hora had an easy customer with me.... But with the angels here, HOPE is back! and most of all, YOUR"E the angel who will be most instrumental in helping your journey along. 

Stick around, get to know the ropes, and feel the energy of the unending support here!

Muttel

i.l wrote on 22 May 2024 17:55:

My understanding is that it is generally not recommended to share with your wife without a lot of guidance and it very much depends on the individual situation. 

i.l wrote on 22 May 2024 17:55:

Not only OK but reccomended

Welcome, my friend! This a great place for like-minded people to work together to overcome challenging unhealthy sexual behaviors. Please stick around, post, get to know the guys, be a part of the conversation, and you'll soon be on your way, BeH. Here we care about you, we want to hear from you and we want to see you succeed.
About telling your wife, please do yourself a huge favor and DO NOT TELL HER ANYTHING unless a qualified mentor/professional tells you to

Looking forward to hearing more from you!

eerie wrote on 22 May 2024 22:28:

Welcome! You are definitely not unique and bezras Hashem things will improve through smart, hard work and connecting with the amazing tzadikim and talmidei chachomim of this forum!

Thank you everyone! Really.  

Honestly I feel like getting this off my chest has been a real help already. I’m in it for the long game. 
Thank you

Everything ok, buddy?

Hi there, welcome!
You sound like a normal guy with a healthy dose of tavaah mixed with some exposure to P and M. There is definitely a lot to gain on this site and amazing people to help you through it. Like the chevra said already start the F2F program grab a copy of the B of the G, and get ready for a bumpy but liberating ride as you start to face this challenge head on.
About telling your wife, I share the same view as others have shared, it is generally not recommended to tell her anything. It does depend on the individual situation, but I wouldn't even consider it unless a very pressing need arises (such as an addiction in which you are putting yourself or others at risk), and even then only with extensive guidance from a therapist/experienced rebbe.
You can get a lot of chizuk and support from the guys on this site, many of whom make themselves very available for each other.
Hatzlacha rabbah and keep on posting!

Welcome
This place is an awesome start to a better life
Wishing you much hatzlachah

Yes! 8 days going strong! I started the F2F program. I’m checking in here every once in a while. It hasn’t been easy but it gets a little easier every additional day. 
Thank you for asking!!