I'm a Bochur in a main stream Yeshivah who's been working on a hotzaas zera l'vatallah problem for 10 years. B"H I've improved tremendously over that time, and when I'm away from home I have almost no issues. The main time I have any problems is when I go home over Bein Hamzanim and Off-Shabbosos, and even then I've been working incredibly hard and have been able to be Kovesh my Yetzeir Horah a lot. I'm just looking for some Chizuk and maybe some tips for when I go home so that I don't fall in! My main problems are sometimes seeing something inappropriate on the computer, though its fully filtered, and sometimes there are some magazines near my room that have pictures of women (they're not inappropriately dressed), but I am to embarrassed to bring it up with my parents, most of the time I fall in because I was thinking about doing it, and give in to the urge. I feel that the main thing I need is some Chizuk and people to update when everything is going well! My last couple times home I did great at the beginning, but it gets harder as time goes on, and I want to make sure that I'm totally prepared for Pesach Bein HaZmanim! 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and for the chizuk!

EccentricComposer wrote on 12 Mar 2023 02:17:

Welcome! You have come to the right place. Please please do stick around here and you will IYH receive much chizuk and practical advice from many many of us here who have been in VERY similar situations as you and have been able to grow.

You should know that you are an incredible tzaddik for being misgaber when slipping is so easy. And you have amazing courage to come on here and be so honest.

Feel free to send me a PM. 

Welcome! Stick around and put in the work and you will reach your goals.

Looking forward to your posts.

EccentricComposer wrote on 12 Mar 2023 02:17:

Welcome! You are an unbelievable tzaddik, a bachur with nisyoinois and you can testify about yourself that you grew, beautiful! It is our honor to have someone like you in our family here! Keep it up! Yes, my friend, an accountability partner is a very powerful tool. Reach out to someone you trust, or Hashem Help Me, at michelgelner@gmail.com. He is a person who has helped hundreds of people, including myself, to break free. My friend, we care about you, and we want to hear from you, so please keep posting and let us know how you are. Keep trucking!

EccentricComposer wrote on 12 Mar 2023 02:17:

pm or email me and i will gladly get you a copy of the book the battle of the generation that may be helpful for you.  I have shown it to a number of rosh yeshivas and they all felt that it can be a very powerful tool.....

As with many others here I started when I was a bochur and then ended up stuck in this rut for MANY years. It is great that you are able to have control while in yeshiva and have the courage and foresight to seek help as a bachur. Coming here now to try and work on the problem while you are still young will pay off with years of compounding interest. Heading on the right path now will help you see an immediate benefit now and then the untold years in your future of a life that will be filled with brochos and the ability to build a bais neman b'ysroel with a rock solid foundation. 

I would strongly building a relationship with a mentor now that can help you with both the ups and downs. All the best!!!

Just thanking everyone so far, this is so helpful!

Wow Wow Wow 83 day's as a bochur!!! Kllal Yisroel need more Yidden like you!

Bein Hazmanim starting soon, so thats when the real challenge starts, but I'm feeling like I can really make it this time, I just want the oilam to make sure I'm keeping up to it! I'll make sure to keep posting, and b'ezras Hashem this will keep me going strong. Thank you and Yasher Koach for all the Chizuk so far, it means so much to me! Thank you!

First, you are in the position of nisoyon of many bochurim, but uniqe that you are dealing with this.
Second, Yes, it does get harder as time goes on. (as many can agree)
Sometimes we need a bit more than chizuk, but a change of outlook.
Sometimes, a change of how we deal with nisyonas.
A change in how we look at this nisoyan of this generation.
How to realize that the drive is normal and healthy, but needs to be saved and directed for your future zivvug.
Yesod Habayis (in English and Hebrew) is a Sefer which has become very popular, (and seemingly effrective) I reccomend reading.

I was doing great, made it almost a week of Bein HaZmanim and was super pumped about it, but I had a fall today, should have seen it coming and stopped myself, but I didn't keep the proper precautions, so now I need to start over, I'm really proud of myself that I have made it this far, and hopefully this will be the only fall! Thank you for everyone so far, it means so much to me, and I really hope that this is the last one! 

Do not look at this as starting over! This is a minor bump in the road that is balanced against many days of success. Keep up the fight. I would strongly recommend that you develop a relationship with a mentor that you can call as a "break glass in case of emergency". This is especially true during bein hazmanim. 

EccentricComposer wrote on 03 Apr 2023 22:32:

You are not starting over. You are continuing on your journey upwards. Failures are part of the growing process  - as long as we learn from it. Keep those precautions, it's not something that helps. It's the only way to succeed. 

Keep up your spirits and you will succeed!

why are you in a mainstream yeshiva?

BentchKvatcher wrote on 17 Apr 2023 09:14:

He should move to the moon?