hi, everyone.
I'm a 22 year old bochur who has been struggling for almost 10 years now. i've tried to stop multiple times, including through GYE, but i was never consistant about it, especially in restarting once i fell. hopefully this time i'll have more success.
i want to write up my story sometime, but right now i can't do it. also, it isn't really so exciting - just the regular getting caught up on the internet etc. but at least that'll hopefully keep bringing me back to this website & forum to update consistently… (which i think is my biggest weakness).
today is day #1 of my 90 day challenge. the most I ever counted was 60 days clean a few years ago, after which I fell and kept falling. if I make it even to 10 days this time I will consider it an accomplishment (based on my record since then).

Welcome. 

How about you share some of your story as in what is your house like. What are your parents like. Was there shalom bayit. And what was the Internet policy there. 

Does your father sport a black beard and black hat, or white beard and red hat...

Hi B22,

Tonight is my 22nd birthday
I have the power to give brochos now.
I wish you to have much success this time around.
If you stick around and consistently work on yourself and continue posting, you will be successful. It's hard work and self control but it will be worth it.
What have you tried?
Are all available devices filtered?
Are you still in yeshiva?
Can you give more background?

bochur22 wrote on 22 Dec 2020 04:03:

Ah! Finnaly, another buchar like myself. Bezras Hashem I’m turning 22 soon as well, and I’m Yeshiva...
Feel free to reach out over PM if u want sometime.

Welcome home! So much more to say, but maybe good to start with responding to wat Zedj asked...

Anyway, Gn, 

I feel sooooooo left out. I'm not a bochur, so my nisyonos are (really big, yet) probably embarrassingly small compared to yours. Oh how I wish I could go back to my childhood and have the opportunity to conquer my taavos in a manner that would show unparalleled ahavas Hashem. (OK enough kvetching; HHM would have my head...)

No one says it better than Ramchal in MSY Perek 19

 וכל מה שיתגברו עיכובים נגדם עד שיצטרכו הם יותר כח להעבירם, הנה יאמץ לבם וישמחו להראות תוקף אמונתם, כשר צבא הרשום בגבורה אשר יבחר לו תמיד במלחמה החזקה יותר להראות תקפו בנצחונה, וכבר מורגל זה הענין בכל אוהב בשר ודם שישמח כי יזדמן לו מה שיוכל להראות בו אל אשר הוא אוהב עד היכן מגיע עוצם אהבתו.

Oy, Yosef hatzadik...What a gevalt!

90dys

90dys wrote on 22 Dec 2020 06:58:

U sure it’s harder for Buchrim than married guy? I’ve heard the opposite...

bochur22 wrote on 22 Dec 2020 04:03:

Welcome! May you have hatzlacha! 

If may ask, what is your plan? Just to stop and expect a different outcome? 

Are you going to work on changing yourself in any way?

bochur22 wrote on 22 Dec 2020 04:03:

Hey bochur, any update? The purpose of posting is not to excite the readers, rather it is for you to get it all out as honestly and openly as possible.

Zedj wrote on 22 Dec 2020 05:58:

thanks for the ברכות & encouragement!


I'll respond in reverse order:
yes, I'm still learning in yeshiva, and I'm dorming by my grandparents.
I don't have a smartphone, and my personal laptop is filtered. but I still have access to other computers without...
(the other questions I hope to answer in a general post)

Grant400 wrote on 22 Dec 2020 13:05:

thanks (even with the tough questions:wink:)


the one time I made it to 60 days, I was consistent in visiting GYE and updating etc. - which also motivated me to continue (I fell because the 60th day was the beginning of בין הזמנים…) so one thing I'll definitely try doing is checking in here often.
regarding a specific plan, i'll try to share soon in a general post.

so first of all - BH I've managed to reach level 2 with 3 clean days! the first time in a while...
i'll try to share some of my story.
my father is the rov of a shul in a frum community, and our house had a general torah atmosphere. but I don't recall there being any internet policy.
anyways, as a kid already I was using the computer - mainly playing games (remember pinball & minesweeper:grinning:), and eventually also typing (I was writing things up from a young age), not so much internet use. probably when I was around 9-10 I started using the internet much more, for gmail, school projects etc.
around my 12th birthday I became aware of online porn, through an article about its danger (talk about irony...), and a chance encounter with this word I had never heard before. inquisitive child + internet access = ______
I was hooked pretty much from the beginning.
that's it for now.

I can relate to the inquisitive child..that was me.....
I was on online school so it was bound to happen I guess.

my heart got so warm and fuzzy when you mentioned minesweeper and pinball!
I think about those games from time to time!

I have even thought about buying a windows xp just for pinball

Keep up the good work!

Wishing you much success!

i fell. i made it to 5 and a half days clean, but then i fell.

here is what i wrote when i updated the chart:


so i already took care of the first part. now i need to make a plan ASAP... (working on it now).

one of the issues all the other times was that after i fell i was too embarressed to update & just stopped visiting the site. which obviously didn't help push me to restart. so therefore i'm making sure to not push it off but to update tonight. i hope that'll make it different then in the past.

obviously i'm a bit upset about falling, but hey - i got 5 clean days! its a big deal for me...
i was thinking about the medals (per level in the 90 day challenge), and through that i connected to the "one-day-at-a-time" idea: every day that i'm clean, regardless of whchever level i'm holding at, i'm also earning a level one medal for that day.

5 days is a great start. You are proving that you don't need it. 

Nothing to be embarrassed about. This is the most non-judgemental crowd you will ever find. To post is gadlus - it makes Hashem proud.

Posting after a fall means that you still feel a part of our "community" and that ​means so much to the oilam! On a personal note, what gets me through many nights is the newest "Yosef Hatzadik" on the block - and you have filled that role before....and BEZH many times in the future!

I am now 37 days old and, as I have posted before, each of you is a malach sent - precisely when I need it - to help me remain pure. We are very proud of your 5 days. And the entire pamalia shel maalah is as well!