Markz wrote on 23 Sep 2020 23:39:

Not really looking to shmuze bout Islam etc with anyone, but “getting out of lust rut” sounds good.
Though I had a coffee today and learnt a geshmak second Seder with my chavrusa in my room and feeling pretty good, so i think I’m pretty fine.

Plus, I hear Dov is for addicts, and though I’m never bashful to admit my chesronos or challenges, I truly don’t believe I’m an addict, but rather a regular guy with taavos.
Again, If you disagree, then I welcome all thoughts- I am open to being wrong.
Thank you for your concern!

That’s a misconception, he will help anyone and in fact feels strongly that many if not most of us here are NOT addicts...
He gave me some really good advice and perspective.

Either keep strong! Your an incredible guy!

17 days so far with touching my “ever” for hanaa.
Taiva now to be nichshal. Won’t give in.
Gn fellas!

Why taka doesn't Dov post on these forums any more?

And yeshiva guy, you're doing great. About addiction, there are a few questions I've seen (I think in the GYE handbook) that try and figure out if you are an addict. Its not gonna be foolproof, maybe worth a look though.

All the best.

I’m in quarantine by myself in a room.
Outside my door there’s a group of the Yeshiva having minyanim etc.
I feel like HaShem has brought me here into his “yichud room” and is telling me he wants a relationship with ME personally.
I wasn’t going to minyanim, so HaShem brought my bedroom to to the minyan, same with Seder.
This is incredible Hashgochas HaShem.
May I be zoche to capitalize.

Im Tevakshena Kakasef wrote on 24 Sep 2020 11:37:

The greatest of GYE have been pondering this for many years to no avail...


P.S. Once again @yeshivaguy you just never stop amazing me with your attitude.

May you carry this awesome attitude of yours forever and maybe see if it is contagious...

Hatzlachah and feel good.
Wilnevergiveup

Takin a moment to post this.
Its hard cuz I’m in a room myself and all my chavrusas aren’t available to learn on the phone, so there’s bigger Yetzer to be motzei zera.. 
Usualy when I’m in the bais medrash I don’t even think about it, but now I’m learning right next to my bed and no BODY can see me.

But HaShem sees me.
I will fight hard. May this be m’chaper for all the times I thought I can hide from HaShem. For all the times I thought no one was watching me.
May HaShem see that I am machshiv His metsius-and want to be part of “His plan”

Thank you all for the support.
I will really need it to get through the next few days without even touching my “ever”.
And then we go home for Bein hazmanim with more nisyonos!

Its gonna be a fun ride together
And I wouldn’t be on this journey without you all.
Thank You!!

Just you and Hashem. A special form of yichud. To be moitzei zera is to introduce another into the mix, namely your fantasy. Try keeping this unique one on one with Hashem.

Love the updates. Stay strong.

You would have to ask him that ,via wequithiding@gmail.com

Either way let’s not hijack yeshivaguy’s thread , we are all getting inspired by him and hopefully he can be mechazek from others as well.

Hey guys,
long story.. bkitzur, I’m heading home now...
Things have been exciting, this isn’t the place to discuss it though.
Will keep y’all posted about the nisyonos and the Kavod Shamayim that awaits.
We’re gonna need “all hands on deck” fellas.
I need y’all to get through this.
No watching stuff online and NO touching the “ever.”

I am riding Hashems train, and hope I may grow along the ride.

YeshivaGuy wrote on 25 Sep 2020 05:48:

With the amount of guys following this thread, it’s time we opened a virtual Yeshiva. 

Btw how’s your sense of smell? Are you back to yourself

Markz wrote on 25 Sep 2020 16:46:

It’s a big chizzuk for me, all you guys caring so much. It really means a lot.
And I wouldn’t mind if one day we had an in person reunion of the talmidei HaYeshiva sometime...

I feel great bh. I had only sorta lost taste but even then I was able to taste abit.
Just got test results-was negative.
But my parents want me to test again...
So I’m staying in our rv in the driveway until I get tested again and get the results..
Its pretty agitating cuz after all this craziness and finally negative test I wanted to just be able to enter the house, but I understand, my parents are high risk...

If I woulda stayed in Yeshiva last night, I would’ve gotten corona virus, so it’s good I left.
Not so excited for Yom Kippur here, especially since it’s more modern here...
But once again, I’m trying (though unsuccessfuly) to remember that I live in HASHEMS world. Not mine.

My Avodas HaShem is still feels shver, especially with all this uncertainty. Slept late again until 12pm.
Havent davend normal shachris all week!

At this point I feel powerless. I have nothing.
I turn to HaShem with no accomplishments or hard work.
And you’ll all say” but Shmiras habris! Your doing great!”
And that’s true. But there’s many more mitzvos folks!
And I gotta do those too...

Ah, the life of a Yid. Complicated. Volatile. And gripping.

Any chizzuk would be great.
Especially a rebuttal to my last point.
Thanks!

You're right. Everything matters. But that also means your success in Shmiras habris also matters.

In fact, it matters a lot. The fact that it's so hard makes it so important and valuable. It's such a big aaccomplishment that it might have joined many other things. 

The main thing is instead of viewing it as your whole point is not to mess up in any area of avodas Hashem, view it as you are able to accomplish in avodas Hashem in many different areas. And each one is very valuable, and you are accomplishing a lot. Like you're collecting a lot of different kinds of diamonds, instead of that you're trying to avoid smearing ink on a painting. Not "I better not mess up in any area," but "I am trying to accomplish in many different areas."

On a related note, sometimes it's just very practical and good to work on other areas of Avodas Hashem, and when you're a growing and you feel it, it boosts your Shmiras Habris too. My best recommendation is that you get your hands on Rabbi Bentzion Shafier's shmuzin, that are so many topics. He has a series on Taivah called The Fight, but maybe it's good to focus on something else. (They're free on theshmuz.com or you can get The Shmuz App.) Start growing in other areas too. It will lift you up.

Hatzlocha

I think i overhead the bais din shel maalah commenting, "Wow, look down over there - that YeshivaGuy is displaying a kibuv av v'eim that we don't see these days anymore!  Even the way he writes about it on that GYE site....absolutely incredible.  Oh and by the way, his shmiras habris is exemplary.  Let's give klal Yisroel a good year....."

Shver avodas Hashem? I feel you. Oversleeping, not learning what I want to, its been a difficult zman. But I have a thought to share. 

There was once a very wealthy man. He wanted a mansion to be built, so he hired a contract worker. The builder came, and he explained to him exactly what he wants doing. The exact materials necessary etc. Off goes the builder to complete the task.

2 months later the man gets a phone call from the builder. 'All done,' he says, 'you can come and see.' The wealthy man is shocked - how could the task already be completed? But he goes to survey the site anyway. 

To his utter horror, he finds merely a big warehouse there. Upon entering, he sees all the material lined out on the floor. There's lines of wood, lines of brick, lines of silk. He stares in shock at the builder who says 'its all here! Pay up!' 'Its all here,' shouts the wealthy man, 'but where is the house!'

A yid goes to shmayim and he lays down all his mitzvos. There are lines of shabbos. There are lines of kashrus. Lines, hopefully, of shemiras habris. And he says 'time to get the sechar!.' But Hashem exclaims, 'There are the mitzvos. But where was the eved Hashem!?'

A person is judged 'baasher hu sham.' The Yerushalmi explains this means not only Hashem doesn't look at the future, but nor at the past. Hashem looks at who you are not what you do. Normally, the 2 go hand in hand. What we do affects who we are. But sometimes they differ. And then He looks at your mehus, your bechinos, who you really are.

You write that you have no accomplishments. But try this instead. Don't count mitvos against averios. Look at yourself. Are you happy with who you are? Does it put you on the protectory for the person you wish to be?  But remember, its easy to be overly critical. The task is hard. So ask yourself 'Am I on the way up?' What makes me happy? What makes me sad? What are my dreams? There are so many taivos and distractions in the world. Be honest. Am I happy where I am? And if not, why am I not changing?

I'm writing this mostly to myself. But I think its a moredicka chizuk. Because at the end of the day, its down to us. If we don't try, we will never hatzlocha, never be happy with who we are. But if we try, a bit at a time, we can be happy even now with who we are - we are someone trying to be good, to be an eved Hashem. So who we are is good. If we try, we are going to be successful. And if not, we won't. Its as simple as that. Ask yourself this Yom Kippur 'Am I who I want to be?' And if not, do a little thing to put you on that path. So that next year, when you ask the same question, you can be proud and say 'No. But I'm closer than the year before.'

The takeaway (sorry it was long, and maybe a bit harsh, again its for myself mostly, just letting you listen in) is we have to look at who we are. Am I an eved Hashem or not? At least, am I on that path? If not, then why not? Its scary. But also comforting. There are only 2 directions. Either I'm growing closer to Hashem, Or further away. Which is it?

Gemar chasima tova. May Hashem help us all to be close to Him.