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TOPIC: saying hello 5434 Views

saying hello 16 Oct 2018 23:51 #336309

  • motcha1234
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Hi,
I wanted to introduce myself. I was here years ago so I'm saying hi again.
I struggle with porn and phone sex. I haven't been in a strip club in over 2 and a half years. I am most comfortable with a cbt aproach. (Please don't try to force the 12 steps on me). I also have depression and anxiety. With most of my friends married I get very lonely.
On the positive side I know how to learn, have a job and other maalos that I don't think enough about.

Re: saying hello 17 Oct 2018 00:09 #336310

  • Markz
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Welcome back!!
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Re: saying hello 17 Oct 2018 00:40 #336312

  • mzl
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motcha1234 wrote on 16 Oct 2018 23:51:
Hi,
I wanted to introduce myself. I was here years ago so I'm saying hi again.
I struggle with porn and phone sex. I haven't been in a strip club in over 2 and a half years. I am most comfortable with a cbt aproach. (Please don't try to force the 12 steps on me). I also have depression and anxiety. With most of my friends married I get very lonely.
On the positive side I know how to learn, have a job and other maalos that I don't think enough about.

Are you comfortable with it because you used CBT to get over depression or anxiety, or for other reasons?

Re: saying hello 17 Oct 2018 01:16 #336313

  • i-man
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Welcome ! [back]

Sorry that things are tough 

excuse my ignorance (and laziness to turn on a computer) - what's cbt? I assume its conditional behavior therapy - what exactly is that ?

hatzlachah stick around 

Re: saying hello 17 Oct 2018 03:30 #336317

  • Hashem Help Me
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Welcome. It should be with hatzlocha. If you have bh made the tremendous accomplishment of not having entered a strip club in such a long time, you can iyh break completely free. What helped me personally was speaking with the successful people here and constantly receiving the chizuk and support - and reminder that "it can be done". Stay connected.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: saying hello 17 Oct 2018 17:13 #336332

  • motcha1234
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Hi,

CBT has helped me with the emotional stuff and that underlines my addiction to a large extent.

Re: saying hello 17 Oct 2018 17:16 #336333

  • motcha1234
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Hi,
Yes cbt is cognitive behavioral therapy. You analyze your thoughts behind your acting out and practice replacing your thoughts with better ones.
The truth for me is there's no one "thing" that has helped me. To a large extent if I could deal with my loneliness that would really help. I'm so dieing to just hang out, play pool, go for a walk etc. That would help. I joined a shiur and the socialization helps.
Anyone know how I can find a walking partner in Flatbush?

Re: saying hello 17 Oct 2018 17:21 #336334

  • motcha1234
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Yet-It Can Be Done-thats tough since I get this idea in my head "I can't do this". Low self efficacy in psychological terms. Thats what I gain from a meeting. I hear people talk about how they stayed sober and I say "gee, if he/she can stay sober why can't I?" Then I feel I can do it too.

What happened with the clubs is a therapist gave me an article about how they were drugging people in a certain club and then maxing out their credit cards while the people were half drugged up. That scared the living daylights out of me! They make you buy a drink in a club. I'd buy a soda but I started thinking-gee I have no idea what's in that soda. I never went back.

Re: saying hello 17 Oct 2018 20:10 #336337

  • mzl
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motcha1234 wrote on 17 Oct 2018 17:13:
Hi,

CBT has helped me with the emotional stuff and that underlines my addiction to a large extent.

It sounds like you are saying "I really need your help and you are going to help me with X but not Y." That is not a rational approach, because different types of therapy are based on different models of the human mind, and they succeed in different contexts.

Re: saying hello 17 Oct 2018 21:08 #336339

  • Realestatemogul
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Welcome back!

I too had been away from the sight for a very long time.
Now I am back and #65DaysClean! Sometimes the right time in our lives makes the difference between being able to make a huge change.

Wishing you continued success!

Re: saying hello 17 Oct 2018 21:27 #336341

  • motcha1234
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I don't understand what you are saying (except that it is clear that you are saying that my aproach is irational).
It took a day to be told I had an unrational aproach. I waited so long from coming back here because I wasn't interested in being spoken too that way. Everyone else has been supportive though.
Perhaps you are saying that addiction is always a "primary issue" and I am saying that it can be a "secondary issue"? I do agree that even as a secondary issue it can grow "legs of its own". Anyway, I am not in the mood for debate. I just need support and connection.
Last Edit: 17 Oct 2018 21:32 by motcha1234.

Re: saying hello 17 Oct 2018 21:28 #336342

  • motcha1234
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Thank you. I made a phone call and got myself a walking partner for once a week! I am going for a walk tomorrow morning.
Congradulations on your sobriety.

Re: saying hello 17 Oct 2018 22:47 #336344

  • mzl
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motcha1234 wrote on 17 Oct 2018 21:27:
I don't understand what you are saying (except that it is clear that you are saying that my aproach is irational).
It took a day to be told I had an unrational aproach. I waited so long from coming back here because I wasn't interested in being spoken too that way. Everyone else has been supportive though.
Perhaps you are saying that addiction is always a "primary issue" and I am saying that it can be a "secondary issue"? I do agree that even as a secondary issue it can grow "legs of its own". Anyway, I am not in the mood for debate. I just need support and connection.

So if I understand you correctly you don't want to address your p*rn etc directly, just have support and connection, and with a "cbt approach."

Good luck with that then.

Re: saying hello 17 Oct 2018 22:59 #336345

  • i-man
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mzl wrote on 17 Oct 2018 22:47:

motcha1234 wrote on 17 Oct 2018 21:27:
I don't understand what you are saying (except that it is clear that you are saying that my aproach is irational).
It took a day to be told I had an unrational aproach. I waited so long from coming back here because I wasn't interested in being spoken too that way. Everyone else has been supportive though.
Perhaps you are saying that addiction is always a "primary issue" and I am saying that it can be a "secondary issue"? I do agree that even as a secondary issue it can grow "legs of its own". Anyway, I am not in the mood for debate. I just need support and connection.

So if I understand you correctly you don't want to address your p*rn etc directly, just have support and connection, and with a "cbt approach."

Good luck with that then.

Why is that a סתירא ? There is so much talk here about how living life is a way to combat lust  - Cbt sounds like a tool to "live life ".

Re: saying hello 17 Oct 2018 23:36 #336347

  • Workingguy
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motcha1234 wrote on 17 Oct 2018 21:27:
I don't understand what you are saying (except that it is clear that you are saying that my aproach is irational).
It took a day to be told I had an unrational aproach. I waited so long from coming back here because I wasn't interested in being spoken too that way. Everyone else has been supportive though.
Perhaps you are saying that addiction is always a "primary issue" and I am saying that it can be a "secondary issue"? I do agree that even as a secondary issue it can grow "legs of its own". Anyway, I am not in the mood for debate. I just need support and connection.

Please don’t listen to mzl; he has a certain way of looking at things and saying things that doesn’t represent what other people here think or feel, or think should be said.

We’re not here to judge what’s rational or not; only to offer to help and share what worked for us. 

From a Jewish perspective, Onaas Devarim- the prohibition against saying things that cause someone pain- would have made that comment that he made prohibited.
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