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TOPIC: Hello 1811 Views

Hello 27 Jul 2018 22:02 #334014

  • thenewme072218
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Here goes...
I have been struggling with an addiction to pornography and impure thoughts for 40 years now, but I'm only 46 years old. In my youth it was just thoughts, but as I got older I needed to act out these thoughts, and then more and more. The internet is a great tool for me and for many, but for me, it only fueled the fire of my addiction because now I was completely anonymous. I could access the fuel for my obsession, anywhere, anytime and no one the wiser, except me and my creator of course. I have confessed my regret and committed to make teshuvah time and again, only to fail miserably. I have almost come to the decision many times that I will be doomed with this affliction forever, but I still have hope that I can be freed. This is basically my last hope. I just can't do this anymore. 

Re: Hello 27 Jul 2018 22:19 #334015

  • mzl
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thenewme072218 wrote on 27 Jul 2018 22:02:
Here goes...
I have been struggling with an addiction to pornography and impure thoughts for 40 years now, but I'm only 46 years old. In my youth it was just thoughts, but as I got older I needed to act out these thoughts, and then more and more. The internet is a great tool for me and for many, but for me, it only fueled the fire of my addiction because now I was completely anonymous. I could access the fuel for my obsession, anywhere, anytime and no one the wiser, except me and my creator of course. I have confessed my regret and committed to make teshuvah time and again, only to fail miserably. I have almost come to the decision many times that I will be doomed with this affliction forever, but I still have hope that I can be freed. This is basically my last hope. I just can't do this anymore. 

You may well be right that you are stuck with the underlying condition, but lots of people have found a way to feel free and to stop acting out for the long term. And some of them hang out on this forum. So take heart because today can be the beginning of the end.

Re: Hello 29 Jul 2018 09:41 #334039

  • JoyOfLife
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You came to the right place. Here there are quite a number of people who have overcome this challenge and with their expert guidance and help you will be able to do the same. Just stay connected to the guys here at gye and you stand a fighting chance to win. Hatzlacha!

Re: Hello 29 Jul 2018 17:12 #334055

  • thenewme072218
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Thank you for the welcome I've received from all two of you. Kinda discouraging.

My wife went out of town on Wednesday and will be back today. Typically when this happens, I'm in full-tilt lust mode, but this time I have remained clean, no TV, movies, etc. Reading and studying Torah and reading the handbook and stories on GYE. I have mixed emotions through this process. Part of me is excited at the accomplishment and part of me is ashamed that this is the first time in many years that I can say this. Any advice? 

Re: Hello 29 Jul 2018 17:50 #334057

  • Markz
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 Welcome brother Are you in any way related to thenewme613
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Re: Hello 29 Jul 2018 18:13 #334058

  • thenewme072218
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:smirk:No, but apparently we both had the same idea. I just wanted to make a statement of who I want to be instead of who I am.

Re: Hello 29 Jul 2018 18:37 #334060

  • mzl
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thenewme072218 wrote on 29 Jul 2018 17:12:
Thank you for the welcome I've received from all two of you. Kinda discouraging.

My wife went out of town on Wednesday and will be back today. Typically when this happens, I'm in full-tilt lust mode, but this time I have remained clean, no TV, movies, etc. Reading and studying Torah and reading the handbook and stories on GYE. I have mixed emotions through this process. Part of me is excited at the accomplishment and part of me is ashamed that this is the first time in many years that I can say this. Any advice? 

It helps to start writing down why this "lifestyle" is not working for you.

Re: Hello 29 Jul 2018 19:16 #334062

  • cordnoy
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thenewme072218 wrote on 29 Jul 2018 17:12:
Thank you for the welcome I've received from all two of you. Kinda discouraging.

My wife went out of town on Wednesday and will be back today. Typically when this happens, I'm in full-tilt lust mode, but this time I have remained clean, no TV, movies, etc. Reading and studying Torah and reading the handbook and stories on GYE. I have mixed emotions through this process. Part of me is excited at the accomplishment and part of me is ashamed that this is the first time in many years that I can say this. Any advice? 

Yes.

Focus on the accomplishments and not on the shame.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Hello 03 Aug 2018 13:23 #334262

  • Yerushalmi
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My wife went out of town on Wednesday and will be back today. Typically when this happens, I'm in full-tilt lust mode, but this time I have remained clean, no TV, movies, etc. Reading and studying Torah and reading the handbook and stories on GYE. I have mixed emotions through this process. Part of me is excited at the accomplishment and part of me is ashamed that this is the first time in many years that I can say this. Any advice? 

Welcome to the group! This is the place that can help! 
As far as advice, I can say what works for me, and you can decide if it will work for you. Firstly, do not feel ashamed. FEEL GREAT!! All beginnings are hard and you started off well! You stayed clean when your wife was out. Feel good that you won the first round! I would say to myself when in similar situations, that this is proof that I can do it. You won a hard battle, use that fact to excite yourself for the next round.

For me, I only started to see positive results when I got a new filter for my PC (the only internet capable device that I own) that I could not get around (gentechsolution.com). Only when I committed to that did I get the feeling that I can keep clean long term. After a few months, I tightened up the filter, and now only essential sites are accessible. No amazon, news sites (except for Hamodia, totally kosher), gaming sites etc. That means I spend far less time on the computer than I did in the past. I am also getting better sleep, because I can't stay up too late online. 

This realization came to me quite suddenly one day. I acted out again (motzi zera levatala), and was feeling very down. The next time that I davened, I asked Hashem to help me fight this fight. The thought popped into my mind, "How far am I willing to go to win? Will I keep my internet unfiltered, and hope for the best? Do I have the strength to get rid of unfiltered internet, even though it won't be easy?" I knew what the answer was, I had to get rid of the open internet, but it wasn't easy to act on that. Then I heard about a new filter, and I got it. I also ("accidentally") found this site. It wasn't easy to give it up. But I did it. I then realized that part of my problem was a lack of commitment. I wanted to stop, but didn't want to have to give up anything for it. I realized that I can't win like that, the most I could do was push off the inevitable next fail. Only once I asked myself the hard question, "How far am I willing to go to win?" did I progress in my fight.

You may want to ask yourself a similar question, How far are you willing to go to win?
Additionally, if you shared more of your struggles people can help you more. What difficulties are you facing? What is your area of struggle? What exactly are you hoping to accomplish? The more you post, the more people will respond. Personally, I lacked the courage to "tell all" in a public forum, but I am in close contact via email with some of the GYE members. Private messaging is also an option.

All the best to you!
Yerushalmi

Re: Hello 03 Aug 2018 13:31 #334264

  • thenewme072218
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Thank you so much. This and the phone conversation are probably the two most valuable pieces of advice I've received. Thank you for taking the time to share what worked for you . 

Re: Hello 03 Aug 2018 13:46 #334267

  • cordnoy
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Yerushalmi wrote on 03 Aug 2018 13:23:


My wife went out of town on Wednesday and will be back today. Typically when this happens, I'm in full-tilt lust mode, but this time I have remained clean, no TV, movies, etc. Reading and studying Torah and reading the handbook and stories on GYE. I have mixed emotions through this process. Part of me is excited at the accomplishment and part of me is ashamed that this is the first time in many years that I can say this. Any advice?

Welcome to the group! This is the place that can help! 
As far as advice, I can say what works for me, and you can decide if it will work for you. Firstly, do not feel ashamed. FEEL GREAT!! All beginnings are hard and you started off well! You stayed clean when your wife was out. Feel good that you won the first round! I would say to myself when in similar situations, that this is proof that I can do it. You won a hard battle, use that fact to excite yourself for the next round.

For me, I only started to see positive results when I got a new filter for my PC (the only internet capable device that I own) that I could not get around (gentechsolution.com). Only when I committed to that did I get the feeling that I can keep clean long term. After a few months, I tightened up the filter, and now only essential sites are accessible. No amazon, news sites (except for Hamodia, totally kosher), gaming sites etc. That means I spend far less time on the computer than I did in the past. I am also getting better sleep, because I can't stay up too late online. 

This realization came to me quite suddenly one day. I acted out again (motzi zera levatala), and was feeling very down. The next time that I davened, I asked Hashem to help me fight this fight. The thought popped into my mind, "How far am I willing to go to win? Will I keep my internet unfiltered, and hope for the best? Do I have the strength to get rid of unfiltered internet, even though it won't be easy?" I knew what the answer was, I had to get rid of the open internet, but it wasn't easy to act on that. Then I heard about a new filter, and I got it. I also ("accidentally") found this site. It wasn't easy to give it up. But I did it. I then realized that part of my problem was a lack of commitment. I wanted to stop, but didn't want to have to give up anything for it. I realized that I can't win like that, the most I could do was push off the inevitable next fail. Only once I asked myself the hard question, "How far am I willing to go to win?" did I progress in my fight.

You may want to ask yourself a similar question, How far are you willing to go to win?
Additionally, if you shared more of your struggles people can help you more. What difficulties are you facing? What is your area of struggle? What exactly are you hoping to accomplish? The more you post, the more people will respond. Personally, I lacked the courage to "tell all" in a public forum, but I am in close contact via email with some of the GYE members. Private messaging is also an option.

All the best to you!
Yerushalmi

Yerushalmi, 

Thank you for that.

I have an idea for you, perhaps a stupid one. You wrote that you don't have the courage to tell all on the forum. So, instead of usin' your real name (a.k.a. Yerushalmi), why don't you change it to somethin' else, like telavivnik or badbeitarboy, and then youI can post to your hearts content, for nobody will know it's reallyI you.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
Last Edit: 03 Aug 2018 13:49 by cordnoy.

Re: Hello 03 Aug 2018 13:51 #334268

  • thenewme072218
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That wasn't me, it was the other "newme".

Re: Hello 03 Aug 2018 14:27 #334270

  • mzl
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Very funny cordnoy
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