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TOPIC: My sad story 16130 Views

Re: My sad story 08 Jan 2019 03:26 #338284

  • lionking
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Chassidishe buchur wrote on 08 Jan 2019 02:10:
Bh I'm over 2 weeks clean for the first time in a while!!!!!!

That's great news!! 
Are you doing anything specific this time around?
My email address is:

Re: My sad story 08 Jan 2019 09:45 #338290

Re: My sad story 08 Jan 2019 13:43 #338291

  • Hashem Help Me
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Thanks for sharing the link. Beautiful inspiration.
Feel free to contact me at

My threads: Lessons Learned:

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE:

Re: My sad story 13 Jan 2019 14:33 #338407

i fell on thursday but the following video helped me pick myself up and not give up and leed to a nother fall

Re: My sad story 14 Jan 2019 02:49 #338429

  • Hakolhevel
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Chassidishe bochur.

The video inspired you to not give up and do what. What is it that you are doing that will make this time around different then the last?

We have heard very little about your struggle and what tools you have tried that may help you.

Lots of people are inspired to become better, but if they have no plan nothing is going to happen. 

As the saying goes "if nothing changes,  nothing changes".

For most of my acting out life, for over, as a bochur and married man, I had many times I would fall, be inspired only to fall x amount of days later. Sometimes I would fight "harder" because I was super inspired, and it would last longer. But ultimately I would fall on my face because I wasn't doing anything differently ( and no, learning extra chassidus, gemara or davening more di not help, because I was the same sick person doing all those things).

B"h after joining gye I have learned, it's not about fighting harder, rather about fighting smarter ( and for some it's about not fighting at all, but that is a different conversation)

So while I appreciate all your links, have you actually changed your life? Have you done anything different?

If yes please tell so together, you me and the rest of the great chevra here can help each other out and hopefully stay clean one day at a time.

My Thread:The Road To Being Honest With Myself (and others:)

I'm not a slow learner, I'm just quick to forget" - Eli Nash

A bit of honesty and less over confidence might help me - Imperfection

Re: My sad story 05 Feb 2019 05:11 #338806

Last week - the last week of shovivim i stayed clean, but today i fell 3 times.

Re: My sad story 05 Feb 2019 21:21 #338813

  • ColinColin
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Why did you fall three times in a day?
What made you do that?

My advice might be repetitive but...

...monitor your mood on an hourly basis.
If you feel vulnerable, take action.
Walk, ro call a friend, or read or watvch a film or study.

And pre-empt things.
Plan your time on a hourly basis....make sure you have constructive activities.

Re: My sad story 05 Feb 2019 22:22 #338818

  • stillgoing
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Markz wrote on 24 Dec 2018 12:41:

cordnoy wrote on 04 Sep 2018 13:17:
Just read thru this entire thread again. What I noticed was that you have not addressed or replied to anyone's comments at all. Yes, on page 2 you thanked people, but that's it.

I have been helped by this site. I have had email conversations, calls, whatsapp's, texts, and I even met about threeI minyanim of people. That didn't happen overnight; it was a slow process, but it began with engagin' in conversation, somethin' that you haven't done yet, but somethin' that I strongly encourage you to do.

YouI wrote in your first post that tanya says you can't do teshuvah on masturbation. I don't know tanya, but I was willin' to bet that no such thin' is said. Thankfully, I saw changin' wrote that, and it seems he even knows what's written there. Engage. Etc. Emailin' with one or two people might help, but communicatin' on the forum will work even more.

Godspeed to you


Triple Tump

This forum is not a log just to list all of our falls. It is an inter-personal platform for us to engage each other in conversation, exchanging of ideas to try and help ourselves and each other.              In other words, we need to respond to others on the forum if we want to gain anything from posting.
Free Choice?!
Yirai's Memories

Dr. Seuss - You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking) (The Rebba R' Bards)

Re: My sad story 06 Feb 2019 04:59 #338822

  • Markz
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Dr. Seuss wrote:
We need to respond to others on the forum if we want to gain anything from posting

Or at minimum, respond to ourselves...

Whereas logging -
a little fall here
a little fall there
a little fall everywhere
old Donald's wall had a fall
Will keep self-government shutdown
---source - pelosi almoni---
My Story---------Dov Quotes

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Re: My sad story 07 Feb 2019 21:15 #338858

  • OTR
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Mark you have definitely gotten funnier or I have gotten easier to make me laugh since I was here last. I personally log my thoughts and feelings on my thread. It's funny cuz I was just sharing a bunch of what I wrote with a friend and I even wrote that is one day I want to look back and see what I was feeling thinking I'd have it all on ym thread on purpose. I looked back a little lately adn I see i have been on quite a journey forthe last decade or so. It is amazing. but I feel I have reached a point where I am happy. It's completely because my externals are supporting it through the filter.. but I don't care. I am happy and have porn far enough away from me to be happy.
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.
Last Edit: 07 Feb 2019 21:18 by OTR.

Re: My sad story 24 Feb 2019 18:39 #339197

Likutei Amarim, beginning of Chapter 30

In ch. 29 the Alter Rebbe discussed various means of overcoming timtum halev — the state of insensitivity in which one’s heart is dull, and unresponsive to his contemplation of G‑d’s greatness. All these methods are aimed at crushing one’s spirit, whereby one crushes the cause of the timtum halev — the arrogance of the sitra achra of the animal soul.

In ch. 30, the Alter Rebbe continues this discussion by outlining another method of dealing with this problem.

עוד זאת ישים אל לבו לקיים מאמר רז״ל: והוי שפל רוח בפני כל האדם

One who suffers from timtum halev must also set his heart to fulfill the instruction of our Sages:1 “Be lowly of spirit before every man.”

Now a number of commentators have noted a difficulty in this Mishnaic dictum. For the Hebrew language distinguishes between two types of humility: the first is a feeling of inferiority in comparison with others; the second is the absence of self-glorification even while recognizing one’s superiority — the thought that his superior qualities are a G‑d-given gift, and that another man similarly endowed might in fact have invested them to better advantage.

The former type of humility is called שפלות — literally, “lowliness”, and the latter — .עניוות

Since the Mishnah employs the adjective שפל רוח , it is explicitly advocating the former type of humility, and here the difficulty arises: Why should one regard himself as being lowlier than every man, lowlier even than the lowliest sinner?

Because of this difficulty, some commentators interpret the Mishnah as saying: “Conduct yourself self-effacingly toward every man,” i.e., “Treat every man with deference, as though he were superior to you.”

The Alter Rebbe, however, objects to this interpretation, as follows:

והוי באמת לאמיתו

The wording implies: “Be thus,” and do not merely act thus, in all sincerity,

בפני כל האדם ממש, אפילו בפני קל שבקלים

in the presence of every man, even in the presence of the most worthless of worthless men (kal shebekalim).

Having rejected this interpretation, however, we remain with the original difficulty: How is one expected to regard himself as being lowlier than the lowliest sinner?

In answer, the Alter Rebbe states that the introspective Beinoni will find that he often fails to wage war against his evil inclination to the same extent as the sinner is required to wage war against his desires. Although the lapses of the Beinonimay be in seemingly inconsequential matters, they are more reprehensible than the lowly sinner’s transgressions. Thus, even the Beinoni, whose observance of the Torah and mitzvot is impeccable, can indeed regard himself as being lowlier than literally every man, as the Alter Rebbe goes on to say:

והיינו על פי מאמר רז״ל: אל תדין את חבירך עד שתגיע למקומו

This can be accomplished by following the instruction of our Sages:2 “Judge not your fellow man until you have stood i.e., placed yourself in his place.”

כי מקומו גורם לו לחטוא

For it is literally his “place” i.e., his physical environment that causes him to sin,

להיות פרנסתו לילך בשוק כל היום ולהיות מיושבי קרנות, ועיניו רואות כל התאוות, והעין רואה והלב חומד

since his livelihood requires him to go about the market-place all day, and whenever he is not thus engaged he is of those who sit at the street-corners. Thus his eyes see all sorts of temptation; and “‘what the eyes see, the heart desires.”

ויצרו בוער כתנור בוערה מאופה, כמו שכתוב בהושע: הוא בוער כאש להבה וגו׳

Additionally it may be his spiritual “place”, the nature of his evil impulse, that leads him to sin: his evil nature burns like a baker’s fiery oven, which is heated with greater frequency and intensity than a domestic oven, as it is written in Hoshea:3 “It burns like a flaming fire.”

מה שאין כן מי שהולך בשוק מעט, ורוב היום יושב בביתו

It is different, however, with him who goes about but little in the market-place, and most of the day he is at home rather than at the street-corners, and he therefore encounters less temptation.

וגם אם הולך כל היום בשוק, יכול להיות שאינו מחומם כל כך בטבעו

Even if he does go about the market-place all day, so that his physical “place” is the same as that of the kal shebekalim, yet it may be that his spiritual “place” is different, in that he is not so passionate by nature, and is therefore not as greatly tempted by the sights of the market-place.

כי אין היצר שוה בכל נפש: יש שיצרו כו׳, כמו שכתוב במקום אחר

For the evil impulse is not the same in everyone. One person’s nature may be more passionate, and the other’s less so, as explained elsewhere.4

But if the misdeeds of the kal shebekalim are indeed attributable to his environment and to his passionate nature, why does he deserve his derogatory appelation? To this the Alter Rebbe replies:

Re: My sad story 25 Feb 2019 13:05 #339206

  • Tzvi5
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If you want to reach out my email is 
I believe in old fashioned approach contact me if you're interested. 
btw that Tanya is referring to the beinuni who is without sin in his Machshava dibur umaase
Last Edit: 25 Feb 2019 13:08 by Tzvi5.

Re: My sad story 07 Mar 2019 06:43 #339446

Re: My sad story 14 Apr 2019 04:23 #340573

C. Your story is a little bit too detailed. It gives away who you are. Good luck on your journey.

Re: My sad story 01 May 2019 01:01 #340801

TThanks ill take out some.
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