It started when I was in eighth grade, I was in the smart class of our grade, originally I wasn't put in the smart class but I really wanted to be in it so my father convinced the school to put me in. I regret till today being in that class for the following reason. One day one of my friends was learning Chumash about שלמית בת דברי and he didn't understand the whole idea, about the egyption coming into the house etc. so another one of my friends explained to him that for a child to be born the parents need to have s.. and explained what it is and told him he can see videos of it on the internet just go to s...com. after hearing this I got very curious to check it out but I didn't have access to a computer with internet in my house. But the next time I went to my father's house (my parents are devorced and I live with my mother) I had access to a computer with internet and I checked it out. Afterwards I felt bad that I did it but the images came back into my mind. Also it led to to be motzi zera livatala with my hands which I learned in rambam is a very bad avaira and in Tanya that tshuvah dosent help. Most of the year I didn't have access to Internet so I didn't go back often to look at these things, but once I was motzi zera livatala once, it happened again and again every day or two. When I got into mesivta and had a mashpia, I was to embarrassed to tell him I do such things because I thought I'm the only one. I went to napernak yeshivas kayitz and took the hachlata to only use internet if I need to and with a filter, I felt like a thief taking the dime of the rebbe knowing that the damage of the internet was already done to me. In mesivta I tried to stop being motzi zera livatala many times. Sometimes it lasted a week sometimes 2 weeks,  a few times I went a month clean. But I was never able to stay clean much longer than a month. My last year of yeshiva gedolah I slept at my house and at that time I had access to Internet, it had k9 filter, but as everyone knows it's not a good filter, and when ever I had a chance I would look at pictures and videos of what ever I was able to (that the filter didn't block). I felt very bad about this, especially because I took the hachlata in napernak. The next year I went away from home to a different yeshiva, there we (the shluchim) had a computer with a filter and other people were usually around. But someone showed me how to disable temporarily the filter (because he “needed” to do something on the internet that the filter blocked, the the shluchim who had the password (2 shluchim each had half of the password) were not arround) and from then on once in a while when no one was arround and I was on the computer or sometimes I even went on the computer for this reason, I watched the worst shmutz. Now I'm back sleeping in my house and the promlom continues, I can't believe that it's almost a decade and I'm still stuck. I need help. B”h recently I heard about guard your eyes (someone put out their adds in 770) and I hope I'll get help here.

During all my years in yeshiva I was always considered by many buchurim very chassidish, I am also on the smart side and know a lot. I was sent on shlichus to a place where very chassidishe buchurim go. I daven baarichus. I didn't have any cell phone till I came to 770. I wanted a cell phone with no internet at all, what I found was a plan with 100 mb a month, that's what I got with a basic phone. Obviously I searched for the shmutz till I finished my data for the month. Then I switched to a prepaid plan, and now I can use the internet as much as I want to. It just uses up my credit.