Stam my taphsik shvauh was to give $75 to tzedaka if I act out. 

Tonight someone asks me if I want to buy a pair of tzizis for someone that agreed to start wearing one on Shabbos/Yom tov, and to buy him basic Jewish seforim. Hmmmm definitely will do that! 

זדונות נעשה כזכיות...

דבר אל בנ״י ואמרת עליהם ועשו להם תפסיק...

S&K (Its shorter than Schnitzel and Kugel...) I just to start for thanking you for your encouragement when I first started! You were one of the reasons I am sober today, you were so encouraging and were a living example of what I was trying to accomplish. The fact that you got as far as you did can never be taken away from you! It was a serious building block and foundation that you are still building on. 

I read a bunch of these past posts and I just want to say one thing, and I hope I am not misunderstood. Being clean is something you have to want and do on your own (With Hashem's help). All these tools are just support to keep you from falling on the way. They are like training wheels. You can put training wheels on a bike, but if the child doesn't petal he won't go anywhere. But after learning to petal you can take of the training wheels and with a guiding hand and eventually on his own, the child will be riding along with confidence. All along it was the child riding and directing the bike, not the training wheels and not the parents guiding hand. 

I would just recommend thinking about your "why" and seeing what it will take to get where you want to go. You have to be very honest with yourself about where you are and where you are going. Also, no matter what happens Hashem will still give you challenges and that is okay. HASHEM LOVES YOU! That is why we have challenges, don't forget that.  

REM if I where to summarize.

If we want to be clean only because its wrong to act out, we probably won't have much sobriety.

Is that what you where getting at?

Now I'm beginning to understand dov's point how the forums are not the best tool... I don't recall ever saying that my sobriety is based on the fact that it's wrong, in fact I've said the opposite on my and other threads, I don't praticaly care whether it's an עבירה or not, I want to stay clean cuz I want to live life, stay sane, and not be a slave to lust. 

Seems like people are misunderstanding me...

With that being said, I think it's time for me to move on from posting on the forums constantly, and start calling/meeting people. 

I'm not going to live meetings as of now, i spoke with Michael from PA which believes I don't need to take that step.

See you,

Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 13 May 2019 00:09:

That is unless you misunderstood dov because you only read his post and didn't talk to him

jokes aside, I think dovs issue with the forum is alot more than just miscommunication...

Anyway  for what it's worth  agree with your assertion that u should move on to calling/meeting

No"Shnitzel wrote on 12 May 2019 04:21:

Nice job mate!

Markz wrote on 12 May 2019 04:49:

A leitzanus is docheh a hundred tochachos.. but Mark, your witticisms  are mamash mechaye meisim for me at least.. Thanks!  

Just a suggestion for all those bochurim that nebech can't afford therapy, do what I'm doing...
get yourself a good paying summer job, not in a camp which pays you $15 a month;) but a job which pays $15+ an hour and you'll have some extras cash..

Your afraid what you're friends will say? Long ago that stopped bothering me... Question is if your really looking to get help....

Obviously you get it approved by your Rav like I did.. 
... ולא באתי אלא להעיר 

Another fall... And then right away another climb up..

Sometimes our biggest mistake is living in fear that we are going to make one. So, it's important not to blow our setbacks out of proportion. Sometimes our reaction to a setback is worse than the setback itself. Anyways, sounds like your attitude is great. Godspeed!

On Friday someone was telling me how he went to this restaurant in NYC called "holy shnitzel" I burst out laughing:joy:

Then i was talking to my mother and heard her telling my sister to take some shnitzel and Kugel from the kitchen... 

Was chatting with someone on gye tonight and he asked me if I was ever molested so I said no.. then I remembered..

When I was like 6/7 I was in the bath together with my brother and he touched my private parts to gain pleasure from it.

It was with my consent so I don't have that guilty feeling that I was molested however I'm not sure if that incident has left a mark on me which subconsciously causes me issues including the desire in acting out etc...

I highly doubt it has anything to do with it. If the memory doesn't evoke negative or hurt/guilty feelings, then it's probably not related.

Then again, that's just my take!

ive had stronger incidents and i second anon.
ask gevurah shebiyesod he is the resident expert on this stuff.
btw this too is just my take.