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A struggling bochur
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TOPIC: A struggling bochur 30500 Views

Re: A struggling bochur 28 Sep 2018 01:34 #335818

Day #110 on first try bh!

My main struggle currently is staring at women in the street, sometimes it's easy, today was very tough though, but we never give up and kot!
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)
Last Edit: 28 Sep 2018 01:35 by Shnitzel and kugel.

Re: A struggling bochur 28 Sep 2018 04:42 #335823

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Can get very hard , Chol Hamoed with everyone out. Best עצה for me is not a day or an hour or even a minute at a time. However every once in a while after first sight say ill look away for three seconds until we pass each other and that will be גורם נחת רוח גדול בשמים-ובפרט ברוחי ויוסף עוד כח לפעם הבא. 
הצלחה רבה וזכור העיקר הוא רק המלחמה לא הנצחון רק שלא להתייאש

Re: A struggling bochur 28 Sep 2018 10:14 #335827

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 28 Sep 2018 01:34:
Day #110 on first try bh!

My main struggle currently is staring at women in the street, sometimes it's easy, today was very tough though, but we never give up and kot!

I am aware of a couple of different behaviors you can use there. If you became aware that a woman is there but have not seen anything that arouses you yet (hair, skin, shoes ...) then you can think "I cannot really know for sure that she's a beautiful woman." If you think that you will no longer want to check her out, so to speak. The emphasis in that thought is on the "for sure". The point is that you don't really, truly know the future (will she turn out to be beautiful?)

On the other hand if you already saw some part of her that arouses you, then the typical behavior on GYE is to use surrender.

Re: A struggling bochur 28 Sep 2018 12:29 #335832

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I'm always inspired by the struggling frumer yid. They usually have a good solid religious and moral foundation to work from. It sounds like you know what to do.

I guess I'm like an Alter Bochur..lol, 48 and never been married. Just waiting for my beshert to come along. lol.

Re: A struggling bochur 28 Sep 2018 13:21 #335833

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KoachCheshvan wrote on 28 Sep 2018 12:29:
I'm always inspired by the struggling frumer yid. They usually have a good solid religious and moral foundation to work from. It sounds like you know what to do.

I guess I'm like an Alter Bochur..lol, 48 and never been married. Just waiting for my beshert to come along. lol.

I find the beshert metaphor to be counterproductive. It's only helpful after you are married, to deter you from throwing in the towel.

Re: A struggling bochur 03 Oct 2018 05:24 #335904

Day #115 on first try bh!

Yesterday we started parshas bereishis which talks about אדה"ר, which reminded the vort I saw a while back in ספר הגלגולים that אדה"ר also had the sin of mz"l, I couldn't believe it when I saw it! After חטא עץ הדעת he started lusting and was mz"l...  

Everyone can translate it in their way..
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 03 Oct 2018 05:35 #335905

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Although it is a great chizuk to hear that this issue has plagued the great amongst us, we have to be very very cautious when dealing with personalities from Tanach - especially yetzir kapv shel HKBH who conversed directly with Hashem - and especially that it is brought in sifrei kabala which most of us are quite ignorant in how to properly interpret... 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: A struggling bochur 03 Oct 2018 10:51 #335910

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 03 Oct 2018 05:24:
Day #115 on first try bh!

Yesterday we started parshas bereishis which talks about אדה"ר, which reminded the vort I saw a while back in ספר הגלגולים that אדה"ר also had the sin of mz"l, I couldn't believe it when I saw it! After חטא עץ הדעת he started lusting and was mz"l...  

Everyone can translate it in their way..

I didn't check google translate, but I think the lesson for some people may be to keep a safe distance from any "Apple" devices, despite the safety features and virtual tree of knowledge...
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Re: A struggling bochur 03 Oct 2018 14:10 #335920

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 at the "apple" joke. 
Last Edit: 03 Oct 2018 14:11 by KoachCheshvan. Reason: To clarify the laughing emoticon

Re: A struggling bochur 07 Oct 2018 02:04 #336017

Day #119

The struggle is getting harder again just like in the beginning when I joined, one of the things that personally helps me is to post my success, so I'll try post more often, maybe even daily.

Gut voch to all!
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)

Re: A struggling bochur 07 Oct 2018 02:34 #336018

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Ad Meah V’esrim! ODAAT!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...

My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends
Last Edit: 07 Oct 2018 02:35 by Gevura Shebyesod.

Re: A struggling bochur 07 Oct 2018 04:40 #336022

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Post away B'H a lot of success here...

at the same time maybe you should build up your arsenal of tools and methods to fight with(if you haven't already)

Hhatzlacha keep strong !

Re: A struggling bochur 08 Oct 2018 02:42 #336048

Bh #120 days on first try!

I definitely need to build up my arsenal of tools because the ones I had till now helped due to the inital excitement I had, unfortunately It has worn off and I have this feeling that even of I c"v fall now, it's not that bad because I've been clean for 4 months already, but I know its not true and it ain't worth breaking the streak for a 30 sec enjoyment, to have a 30 day regret right afterwards... 

So I've started going on walks which really helped last night, I even bought a zman to read in my spare time to distract myself lol, going to learn won't always make the urges go away, exercises haven't really helped me. I don't think calling someone will help, distracting myself by doing something else completely so far is the best method. 

And I can't even say odaat, unfortunately it's one minute at a time. 

Bezh I'll stay strong! Please hashem!
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
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Re: A struggling bochur 08 Oct 2018 05:46 #336051

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 08 Oct 2018 02:42:
Bh #120 days on first try!

I definitely need to build up my arsenal of tools because the ones I had till now helped due to the inital excitement I had, unfortunately It has worn off and I have this feeling that even of I c"v fall now, it's not that bad because I've been clean for 4 months already, but I know its not true and it ain't worth breaking the streak for a 30 sec enjoyment, to have a 30 day regret right afterwards... 

So I've started going on walks which really helped last night, I even bought a zman to read in my spare time to distract myself lol, going to learn won't always make the urges go away, exercises haven't really helped me. I don't think calling someone will help, distracting myself by doing something else completely so far is the best method. 

And I can't even say odaat, unfortunately it's one minute at a time. 

Bezh I'll stay strong! Please hashem!

That's how I feel now. I'm not having hatzlacha staying clean. it may or may not work for you but i don't think you have anything to lose by making a phone call. 
Best of luck
your an inspiration to me
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: A struggling bochur 09 Oct 2018 04:11 #336074

Phew, thanks for everyone's encouragement I made it to #121 days, bh the urges went away this morning once I woke up, but after all being a bochur is tough..lol
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, part of a bi weekly 12 step phone call BH and I meet my gye accountability partner face to face once a week. 

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
(תניא פ"כז)
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