My story is not new, ive been on the internet since maybe 13-15, cant even remember! Im now 26 married with children!!!!!!!!
i joined the program, hoping to get through the 90 days clean, and to get inspiration from others, unfortunatley today i had a major fall, a fall that i never had ever! Its onky been 9 days from whem i started! I dont see hiw i can get past this, or to genuinly beleive that in the next world i have what to look forward to!!!!

Hi Newlife, Welcome.
    When you say that you "joined the program", what did you mean? That can vary from simply signing up -  to reading the handbook, joining a conference call (with or without talking), looking and finding ways in how ones life is actually leading one to act out.  I don't want to make assumptions - which is why I'm asking. Often (always?) it's issues in our life that is causing us to act addicted to lust, as opposed to our lust causing us to have issues in our lives. Did that make sense to you? It sounded confusing to me, but I'm really tired now so that could be why  . Basically in a nutshell, We think that we need to look for a solution to solve our lust problem, very often we are actually subconsciously using lust as the solution to our life problems!

stillgoing wrote on 26 Apr 2018 23:10:

Wow!

If that's submitted via a tired fellow, I'd like to hear what you have to say when you're well rested ;-)

Welcome. You took a step in the right direction by posting here. Maybe add some more info. what are your triggers and what challenges do you have. Hatzlocha.

Markz wrote on 27 Apr 2018 00:02:

Hasn't happened in years .. (as far as I remember.) We should start a 90 day chart for that!

Hey. Welcome. 
How's things been? 
Your pain brings up too many painful memories for me. 
Although still very much relavent, they are just memories. 
You can also just make them memories. 
I'm still trying to get back on my two feet, but there are many here who you can learn from. StillGoing's post seems like a good place to start.

Oh.. just curious. What about this world? Sorry, hope you don't think i'm a Kofer for asking. 
Wish you well. Keep in touch. 

dont worry, youre not a kofer ,sefer mishlei is FULL of suggestions how not listening to the yetzer is good for you in THIS world and listening is bad for aperson not ONLY in olam haba, but even in olam HAZEH, keep on going!chazak

If I understand Shmiras correctly, you are saying that the next world is where it's at, certainly the goal, but the same way that a overweight person has to make small rewards and incentives to help his lose weight, and the end goal of living longer healthier isn't real enough, we too need to realize that fighting out lust will help us tremendously in this world too.

Thanks ieeyc. I appreciate that you don't think I'm a kofer.

Yah. stillgoing. I guess I meant that. I’m honestly not the one to lay out any hashkafic concept- or anything for that matter. Far from it. But it is an idea that I heard from many places, and that is that focusing on the next world alone often doesn’t cut it when it comes to lust. Lust is much more powerful when whatever it is that is enticing us is in our face. We are in this world, and often it is this world that drives us and motivate us- even though lemaisah this world is just a pathway to the next.

But I think I meant another thing, and that is that focusing on the next world could diminish what acting out does in this world. It tears apart people. It tears apart relationships. It tears apart families. This has nothing to do with Olam Haba. It destroys life. Simple. Shouldn’t one want to stop watching porn just from the fact that his wife will be broken from it? Why does it have to be about getting golden nuggets after 120? Also, just call a spade of spade and admit that you don’t want to masturbate because it hurts, not only because of Olam Haba. It is for the same reason why we wouldn’t bang our heads against a wall on the off chance we get some crazy urge to. It hurts. To bring this out through Dov (he’s one of the administrators on this site, NewLife), "I do not particularly care exactly which ‘lav’ suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!". Addictive behaviors in of themselves messes things up. And there is something particularly about this stuff that messes things up- not just in the next world, but here as well

I’m not saying I’m settled on this idea or relaying it right. I’m still at a stage where still trying to feel things out myself. I will say that I never really related to the guys who say the only reason why they aren’t masturbating or watching porn is because of their wife, job, or whatever, and not because it’s simply the wrong thing to do or because it defiles themselves. Maybe this means that I’m still not calling a spade of spade myself? Could be. Some might say so.

NewLife, I wasn’t sure where you were coming from. I meant it to be an innocent question. Hope I wasn’t being intimidating. Just something maybe something to get you thinking. I’m no guru. Just some stuff that I (at least think) am parroting from others.

Hope all goes well.

(And if you really a Torah guy, will throw in another point: Torah isn’t a guide to get us to the next world; it is one for this world as well).

shmirashachaim wrote on 03 May 2018 14:16:

i only mentioned kofer because you mentioned" i hope you dont think im a kofer "or something like that, and as you so well said it in THIS post,that acting out doesnt only cause ramifications in olam haba, but even in this world.nice write!

Welcome!  Check out the handbook.  Keep posting.  90 days is not a program.  It is just a jump-start.